Tossing Salt Presents:
Ultimate X Q&A #181
Random Questions from the Land of Tweets
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Every day, my Twitter feed is filled with dozens of random questions. This is where I provide the answers. It’s the Ultimate X Q&A. My, how the time has flown by. It’s number 181, and I’m still standing. Don’t say I don’t love ya.

Do affairs ever end up in marriage?

I’m sure that some do, but most only end up in hurt feelings, broken hearts, and brutal splits when one of the cheaters decides it’s time to move on.

What’s a good side dish to serve with roast pork? Besides mashed potatoes.

Stuffing is good with anything, as is Mac & Cheese. And baked beans work as well.

Who is the most unforgettable TV character of all time?

From the TV series Dallas, played by Larry Hagman, nobody will ever forget J.R. Ewing.

You wake up tomorrow, and it’s 1999. Wyd?

I throw this song by Prince into the cassette recorder, and party like it’s 1999… because it is.

Which classic film star would you most want to have a date with?

I don’t think we’d actually get along very well, but still… James Dean. And why? It’s James Dean. What more reason for a date or hook-up would you need?

Name one person you really dislike. Then tell me one good thing about them.

Who do I really dislike? How about one of my former neighbors, Danny? He’s a liar, a thief, and about as worthless as a person can be. One good thing, though? His sex game is top-notch and amazing. That’s the only positive thing I can say about him.

Have you ever written a love letter to someone?

I’m a writer, and I’ve fallen in love a few times, so that would be a yes.

If you died today, who would be able to unlock your phone?

My bro-son, Kenneth, could unlock it, but he’s the only one I can think of. If I do pass away or vanish, Kenneth already knows to get my phone, destroy it, and, if possible, delete my social accounts too. Definitely destroy the phones, though, or a lot of people in this town would have their secret lives ruined. Just saying.

If money weren’t an issue, what would you dedicate your life to?

Taking care of my bro, my family, and stray cats & dogs.

Tell me you’re white without telling me you’re white.

I can be pulled over and not get a ticket or charges. And I have pictures of my father on my bookcase.

What did you buy as an adult because you never got it as a child?

Computers, stereos, hookers, alcohol, etc. Take your pick.

In 3 words, what is your purpose in life?

Question everything & everyone.

Have you eaten a Corn Dog in the last 10 years?

I had corn dogs last week. I got the craving for them and ordered them from Walmart when I did the grocery shopping. That happens every so often.

Did you give someone a smile today?

Hopefully, my writing and ramblings have given someone a reason to smile, or at least smirk/sneer today. I haven’t smiled at anyone myself, though. I’ve had no human contact, and that dog keeps pissing me off.

Who saved you when you were at your lowest?

I’m at that point right now, and while a few have reached out, my bro and TMA, if it actually works, remains to be seen. I’m just taking it day by day right now, baby steps.

Do you trust the government?

The people I truly trust, I can count on one hand right now. And no, the government is not among those I consider trustworthy.

How do you politely tell someone they’re overweight?

I don’t. If a person is fat, they already know it and don’t need someone to remind them and make them feel bad. A polite person accepts them as they are, for who they are. If you’re harassing them about their weight, you’re not a polite person or a real friend.

What is something your parents caught you doing as a kid that got you into big trouble?

Skipping school, smoking, sneaking out of the house, etc. The list is long, but for the record, I think I was framed.

What punishment did your parents think was NORMAL, that would get them cancelled today?

Spankings, groundings, and being forced to publicly apologize. And every one of those punishments, I deserved and am a better person for them now. But don’t tell my Mom that I said that, or I will deny it.

How do you handle conflicts in relationships?

It depends on the relationship and the person involved. Some, we just move on, get back to normal, and act like nothing ever happened. Some end up in a quiet exit from the relationship with no resolution but separation, and some end up in a long discussion and compromise. Every conflict is different and thusly, gets handled differently.

If you had the opportunity to know the future, would you want to know?

Nope, I’d prefer to just wing it and deal with it as it comes.

If I offered you $1,000,000 but you only keep it if the first person you call answers, who would you call?

I wouldn’t call any of my friends because we all use voicemails and texts rather than phone calls. The first person has to answer? I’d call 911. They’re usually pretty good about answering the phone. Now, give me the money.

Should men get an opinion on abortion?

Men helped cause the pregnancy, and it’s their child too, so yes, men should have an opinion and say about an abortion just as much as the potential mother does.

What color describes your personality?

Black, like my heart, soul, and future.

What did the 1970s smell like?

Bleach, cigarettes, and wood burning in the iron wood stove.

And there you go. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Be sure to like, share, and subscribe. And with that, let’s close up the shop today. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you at the bird feeder.

Ubuntu!