And now, we’re back again. Well, actually it’s just me. I’m saying “we’re” in order to give some representation to the other members of the “Tossing Salt Media, Inc” family like… well, actually it is just me. And my hand puppet, Hobbes. And my alter-ego, Vincent Paul Phillips. And the voices in my head that haven’t been named yet, but are always lurking around and making their presence felt. So this isn’t really a one-man show after all. Way cool. Now what was I here to talk about?
Oh yeah, this is Part 6 of the “I Know More Than I Forget” series. I wrote Part 5 earlier, went and ate some weenies wrapped in biscuit dough (get your mind out of the gutter, you pervs), and now I’m back to write some more. And the topics are… Money, Political Incorrectness and Cell Phones on the Job. Three diverse subjects once more and I hope that I can entertain and also do these topics justice. Let’s do this.
I Know More Than I Forget – Part 6: Money, Political Incorrectness and Lotion versus Baby Oil…
The first topic of conversation is money and what I want to speak of is not what you might have been expecting. We all know what money is and what it’s used for and all of that stuff. It’s a necessary evil and we all use it / need it and want more of it. But I call it a necessary evil for a purpose. It can ruin friendships and destroy families and cause people to do very stupid and nasty things. But if we don’t have it, and the risks that come with it, we can’t live or survive. It’s quite the quandry and I’ll probably go more into all of that at some later date.
The thing I want to talk about now is where people store their money. Summer time is coming up and people are coming into my store wearing less and less clothing. (And by the way, it’s not the people you’d want to see wearing less clothing that are doing it. It’s the ones that should cover up more and more that are doing it. And they’re kind of disgusting. I don’t mind big people. Hell, I’m a big guy. But I don’t walk around with all my shit hanging out everywhere. I have some self-respect and know how to cover up and dress semi-respectively.
But the worst thing about how people dress in the hot weather, aside from the general appearance factors, is where they stash their money. Mainly its the older women who do this and it makes me want to puke just thinking about it. Money stuffed in their bra. And they’re usually large breasted and them big old monsters sweat… a lot. Nothing is more disgusting than watching a large, sweaty woman dig into her dress and bra and pull out a soaking wet piece of money and try to hand it to you. Oh wait, yes there is. When a guy takes off his shoes and pulls out the wet, sweaty money that’s been in his shoes, under his feet, while he’s been walking around. I’m ready to get sick now.
And there’s one thing that even worse than all of that and I’ve actually seen it more than once. When a guy is wearing shorts with no pockets and the money is stuck in his crotch. And he digs in, gropes around, and pulls out these bills that have essentially been tucked away under his balls and tries to hand them to the cashier waiting on him. Uugh! What the hell are these people thinking.
Here’s a big newsflash. There are creations that are designed for holding money. And now, we’re not talking about the 18-hour bras or furry panties. We’re talking about (for men) a small leather item that folds into 3 parts and not only can hold cash, but also ID cards, credit cards, business cards, phone numbers, etc. And for women, there’s an item called a purse. It’s big and looks fashionable and will hold a little bit of anything and everything.
I do NOT want to touch money that has breast-sweat, foot fungus or scrotum juice all over it. And the mere fact that you’re trying to hand it to me after reaching in and digging all through your stuff makes me question your cleanliness as well It’s disgusting and people really should know better. The bottom line, in my opinion anyhow, is that if you’re thinking about stashing money in your bra, in your drawers or in your shoes… or anywhere else besides a wallet, purse or pocket, please always remember these three simple words. “Don’t Do Deet!”.
So far as political correctness and incorrectness goes, the way the world is today, we’re not supposed to have thoughts or opinions or ideas that might hurt anyone’s feelings or be offensive. We can have them, but we don’t want to speak or share those feelings because we might make someone cry or they might be unhappy with us. My thoughts on this are simple. I say what I will and do what I will and speak how I will about whatever I choose. And if you don’t like what I say, then don’t read what I write. I don’t care.
I’m a nice guy and I respect what others say and think, but they have to give me the same courtesy. It’s just that simple. I don’t like President Obama and think that he’s the most unqualified person ever to hold that office. I’m not a big fan of abortion, but I think that decision is not mine to make, but should be left to the mother, father, their doctors and their faith. I support same-sex marriage. I also support immigration reform and think that if a person is in this country illegally, they should be deported back to their homeland. I think our political system is corrupt and broken and I know that our legal system is totally corrupt and (at least here in Scotland County), there is no such a thing as justice. I think that pot should be legalized, that the drinking age should be 18 again and that we should be able to choose if we want to wear a seatbelt or helmet when driving our cars or riding motorcycles. Photo ID should be shown when going to vote. Spanking should be allowed when necessary and so should prayers in school, as well as reciting the Pledge of Allegiance. Teachers should be allowed to teach and not have to dumb down their teaching plans to accomodate standardized tests. Kids should be taught to write cursive and do basic math without a calculator. People who collect food stamps and government aid should be drug tested. And so should all cops, magistrates, judges and politicians. If you get a government check or aid, be ready to pee in the cup. And if you’re a government employee in ANY capacity, also be willing. I’d love to see what turns up in Obama’s pee. I’m willing and ready to do so so and take my chances so why not everyone else?
So anyhow, my thoughts and opinions change as I learn more and grow as a person. You might agree. You might not. It’s all cool and we can agree to disagree, but if what I say hurts your feelings and you want to whine or cry about it, then take a walk because I really don’t care.
Politically correct? Me? Yeah, dream on my friends cause it’s not going to happen.
And finally, baby oil versus lotion. Two of my most awesome friends were talking about it and, coming in on the tail end of that conversation, I was kind of amazed and shocked. I thought that they were both straight. Damn! And then they set me straight – the conversation was about what is better on the skin. Not what I was thinking about at all.
For what entered my mind, of the two choices, baby oil is definitely the best. It’s messier, but won’t dry up as fast. But for what they were actually talking about, the better of the two is the lotion. It rubs into the skin and leaves it looking and feeling refreshed and non-ashy. And it’s nicely scented. All the baby-oil will do is make you look and smell like a turkey that’s just been basted and is ready for the oven.
So for what most people use it for, lotion over baby oil. ‘Nuff said!
And that’s a wrap.
I’m out of here for now. The sun is coming up and it’s time for bed. Have a great day and I’ll catch you on the flip side.