So how was this whole “I Think More Than I Forget” series going to go again? Ten parts… ten blogs in ten days. Can you say “Ooops”, boys and girls. Guess what? It just didn’t quite happen like I had hoped. I think you can call it an “epic fail”. But here’s where I get my act together and at least get two more parts completed. Yeppers, my little saltines, I think I’m going to do Part 5 now and maybe even try to get Part 6 completed tonight too. I’m in a mood to write. Yay! (Actually, I’m in a mood to cause a good looking guy to have multiple orgasms – I’ve got it on good authority that he likes those things… lol.) But I can’t do that tonight, so I’ll resort to my second favorite hobby and talent and that is this… writing for your entertainment. Let’s do this.
I Think More Than I Forget – Part 5: Saggy Pants, Refreshing Beverages and Finger Nail Polish…
Three very different topics of discussion that all come from one fun night of chillaxin’ with my extended family a couple of nights ago. Actually, during the course of the night, based on our conversations, actions and just general small-talk discussions, I came up with a list of about thirty topics worth talking about here at the Tossing Salt / ImFamousTV blogsite. I have some weird friends and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. Well, maybe a white panel van, a half million bucks in cash and a Mexican pool boy, but nothing else. They’re full of ideas and interesting pieces of conversation. And to them, I dedicate this blog.
Oh geez, now that I’ve dedicated it, I have to worry about it actually being good and readable. Damn it, I hate this kind of pressure. I can’t deal with it. Aauuuughhh!!
Okay, I feel better now. And this will be good so no worries about that. If it turns out to be a sucky blog, I’ll just blame it on former President George W. Bush. That’s what President Obama does, blames everything on Bush and if it works for him, maybe it’ll work for me too.
You know what? I really wish that someone would transcribe the U.S. Constitution on President Obama’s teleprompter. That would really piss him off. Of course, it’d also probably be the first time he’s ever actually read it, but still…
Let’s do this.
Saggy Pants: We all see them far too often as men (and some women) walk around with their pants sagging and their rear ends hanging out. And my feelings on this are mixed. I like to see an attractive rear end on a man. Yes, I am an “ass man”. I admit it. And every so often, I’ll see a guy with his pants just barely hanging on and the ass hanging out and I smile to myself and let out a big old “YES!” deep inside in head. That’s when saggy pants are a good thing. But unfortunately, it doesn’t generally happen that way.
Most often, when you see the guy (or girl) walking into the store, just barely hanging on to keep their pants from falling to the ground and the butt hanging out, it’s not one of the butts that you might enjoy seeing. Instead, we get dirty drawers, huge asses that should belong on a baboon, and just nasty, nasty sights that no one should ever have to see. Do these little thugs and hoodlums think this makes them look sexy? Or grown? Or tough? Or macho? I’ve got news for them. It’s not working, playa! Instead of looking tough or sexy or like a thug, you look like a retarded idiot who needs to buy a damn belt.
Don’t these people know where the whole sagging pants routine came from and what it represents? It originally started in the prisons where the inmates who were looking for a little “bang bang up the butt” action would wear their pants sagging to let the other inmates know that they were in heat and ready to get pounded, in a very hardcore sense. So by imitating those inmates and wearing the sagging pants, all these little thuggies are saying to everyone is that “my ass needs some man-loving.”
Let me be the first to say that I have no objection to men making mad, passionate whoopee to other men. And if more men did it, especially the cute ones… with me, I’d be a happy camper. But is that really what the saggy-pants thugsters are looking for? If not, then they need to pull up their pants, wear a freakin’ belt, learn to speak proper english, take a shower, get a freakin’ job and quit ruining my life.
Okay, let’s move on to my newest favorite, refreshing adult beverage. It’s called “Bloody Orange” and it’s a limited edition, seasonal drink put out by the Mike’s Hard Lemonade folks. I found some at Food Lion on Saturday and drank them with some friends that night and well… they’re good. Very good. I couldn’t taste the alcohol and they had a nice little kick. And did I mention that they taste great? When I go to Food Lion in the morning to pick up for the Food Bank, I’m going to see if they have any left. And if they do, they’re mine. I’m not a big drinker much anymore, but those things… YUMMY! I want more and you know what? Until this store runs out and they go out of production, I’m going to get some. They’re called “Bloody Orange” and if you see them, try them. You’ll like them. Or hell, just buy ’em and send them to me. That’ll work too. They are good!
And my final topic for this particular column is finger nail polish. On Saturday night, I noticed that a friend of mine, who happens to be a male, was wearing fingernail polish. And some guys have the knack that they can pull it off and still look very manly / sexy / etc. with fingernail polish on. And if a daddy lets his daughter or a guy lets his girlfriend paint his nails, that’s cool too. But what I saw on Saturday…. hmmmmm? What’s the words I’m looking for? How about “don’t do deet!”. Yeah, I think that about sums it up. (Actually, the polish looked very nice and my friend pulled it off quite nicely. I just wanted to find a way to fit that expression, the “triple-d” comment, into the column and this seemed like the best way. I’m not a fingernail polish type of guy, but whatever floats the boat. It’s all good with me.
And that’s all for now. Fixing to head into the kitchen and make some poor man style pigs-in-a-blanket. Hot dog weenies and biscuits. Yummy! And then, unless I get sleepy or get involved in another FB chat with a sexy man (that would be nice actually), I’ll be back with Part 6 of this series.
And on that, I’m outta here hippies. Go listen to Mod Sun. Be a happy hippie.