A Day Of Dougie:
A Rant About Sagging
June 24, 2018
The definition of sagging: Sagging is a manner of wearing trousers or jeans which sag so that the top of the trousers or jeans are significantly below the waist, sometimes revealing much of the underwear.
It’s all around us and we see it daily. My first thought when I see a person walking around “sagging” is that their diaper is probably full and they need their Mommy to come in and change it for them.It’s not an attractive sight and maybe it’s a generational thing since I’m from the generation where we wore belts and, unless we worked as plumbers, pulled out pants up and just said no to crack of all sorts. Have you ever noticed though that the main people walking around with the back of their pants down and their dirty drawers exposed are usually the ones who would be better keeping that butt covered. It’s never the guys or girls with the sculpted round bubble-butts that look lucious and sexy and make you go “Hmmmmmm!” that sag their britches. It’s the guys who have the fat, yet flat at the same time buttocks that are wearing three-day old wrinkled boxers that have a big hole in the upper left corner of the waistband instead. No one wants to see that. I don’t want to see that. It’s not attractive. It’s stupid looking and makes the person look like they never learned how to properly dress themselves. And you know it’s bad when a gay man doesn’t want to see your ass hanging out. And believe me, with very few exceptions, I don’t want to see your ass hanging out like that.
The first forms of sagging came allegedly from the prison system where it was a method used by inmates to advertise to the other inmates that their booty-hole was open for business. They wanted to make the love, get funky like a monkey and let their fellow criminals take a train ride down the big tunnel if you catch my drift. And then some rappers, probably fresh from a stint in prison where they had just served a stint for looking for inspiration for their musical lyrics, decided that the jail fashions were interesting and exciting and would make them look more “gangsta” so they incorporated it into their life on the outside as well because nothing says “tough thug” and “gangsta” like a guy standing on the corner, his ass flapping in the wind, while he’s smoking a blunt and complaining to his fellow thugs how he’s mistreated and his “baby-mama” didn’t get her check this month and he might have to “bust a cap in someone’s ass”. And of course, he’ll be at Grandma’s on Sunday because they’re having a cook-out. And what was talking about anyhow?
Oh yeah, sagging and how, in my opinion, dumb it looks. And the reason for this, you may ask. Well, I see it all the time. And it looks stupid. And I saw something last night, and it looked even dumber than the usual stupid. It was a woman. Well, it was a girl because a “woman” would have self-respect and not present themselves this way in public. But this was a decent looking girl, long brown hair and kind of skinny, but not too skinny. She had a good build and looked like in another world, another life, she should be off in college learning about safe-spaces, freedom of speech (unless it doesn’t agree with your opinion) and being entitled. The typical college education of 2018. But she was there and wearing a wife-beater style t-shirt, a sports-bra underneath, a pair of black jeans and red men’s boxers. And she was sagging. Badly.
What the hell was this thinking? It’s bad enough when the unattractive men do it, but this was a good looking young girl or should have been anyhow. But instead of a nice sun dress or even a pair of well-fitted jeans and maybe a decent shirt that shows off her form without being trashy, she’s dressed like Flava Flav on a crack-binge. Gangsta is okay and even though I don’t particularly like it and would never dress that way, I get it that some people want to dress like street urchins and attempt to emulate their favorite rap stars and drug dealers. I get that. But this was a girl, dressed like a guy and it just blew my freakin’ mind. So was she out there advertising that the booty was open for business, was she trying to pretend to be Black Chyna or what?
I just don’t get it. Bottom line here is, if you want to dress like a clown, then do so, but in my opinion, you look like a pinheaded weasal who was just bitch-slapped by the Queen’s Yorkie. (I’ll explain that reference one day if needed, but you’re probably better off not knowing.) But don’t have the little girls doing it too. What the hell was she thinking? I used to wonder why my Dad, back when my siblings and I were teenagers, would often walk around, never saying anything, but would look at us and just shake his head sometimes. Now I get it.
Sagging is stupid (unless you have a great butt worth showing off… 99.999995 % of the “saggers” don’t). And women, don’t do it. It looks even stupidier on you than the guys. And change your diaper. Get some new drawers. Buy a belt. And as “Mad Maxx” used to say on the old “John Boy & BIlly Big Show”, quit ruining my life.
Here’s a video at the end of this little rant about sagging and those “Pants on the ground”. Sorry if this offends anyone (not really), but if you’re one of those walking around with your ass hanging out, look at it in a mirror. Have a friend take a picture and look at it. Is it firm, well rounded and the type of ass that makes both women and men take notice and start to drool? If not, keep it covered up. And if it is, call me. Let’s do lunch.
Ya’ll think about it. Have a great one and I’ll catch you on the flip side.