Tossing Salt Presents:
Flashback: Thirty Days Of Dougie (2013)
Part 28: Dougie Fresh & Smiles
DougMaynard.com

Let’s go back to a time before the site, to eight years ago, and what was a better time, a better place, and still every day was a Day of Dougie. Let’s do this…

Thirty Days of Dougie – Part 28: Dougie Fresh & Smiles

So guess what? I’m officially a day behind on the whole “Thirty Days” concept. I meant to do Part 28 yesterday as was scheduled, but between little sleep on Monday night, too many things to do on Tuesday, and a huge desire to just slap the hell out of everyone and anyone who stepped within twenty feet of me, it just didn’t happen. So today will be a two-part day (if everyone will leave me the hell alone long enough to actually sit down and write this thing.)

So let’s just jump right to it and pull out the magic box. And the topic(s) for today are: “Dougie Fresh” and “Smiles”. I actually pulled out three topics, but since the third one is what it is, you’ll see it later today in Part 29. It’s a topic that deserves a page all its own. No sharing (unless I decide to do another reach into the box and add something to it.) Let’s just jump, might as well jump (channeling Van Halen here today) and do this.

Thirty Days of Dougie – Part 28: Dougie Fresh & Smiles…

January 29, 2013

So where do we begin? Smiles? Yeah, I’ll get the simplier one out of the way first. What can I say about smiles? A great smile can brighten a room, change a mood and chase all the blues and troubles away. I love to see people smile, but of course, most of the people I deal with day to day are not what one could call “smiley” people. Most are sour-passed, negative, loud, obnoxious ass-clowns who have a permanent look upon their face like they stepped into a pile of dog crap and that they would rather be given an enema with clorox bleach and strawberry jelly rather than actually be nice, friendly, and happy. But enough about the customers at the store.

A smile is a wonderful tool. It can make a person relax and be happy. It can bring joy to another. And it just shows the world that no matter how bad things might seem, there is hope and positivity and it’s just not all that. Things will be okay!

I hate to admit it, but anyone that knows me knows that I’m not really a smiley-type person. I’m more of a smirker or a slight sneer type. Yeah, I talk about the other folks and their lack of smilingicity (is that even a word? it is now), but I’m just as guilty as they are. I do smile sometimes if I’m actually happy or amused or in the company of someone that I’m totally relaxed and at ease around and feel I can trust absolutely and let my guard down a bit. I think that K-Mak posted a picture the other day of me actually smiling/ laughing about something. Yep, my reputation is shot to hell now. Thanks a lot, brutha!

Anyhow, a smile is a frown turned upside down. Wouldn’t this world be a whole lot better place if everyone could just learn to do it a little bit more and just be a little nicer to each other? Yeah, I’m dreaming and I know it. That’s one thing that I like about the musical artist, Mod Sun. He’s all about positivity and smiling and just good stuff. It doesn’t hurt that he’s entertaining and a helluva talented musician/singer/entertainer/artist. He’s definitely the total package of talent and he spreads the message of peace and love and happiness. You know what? I like that!

So let’s close up the smiling thing by just saying, give it a try. You might find that you like it. Hell, I might even try it more myself. Ummmm… *thinks about work and customers and working with ‘Miss Thang’ tonight* – I’ll start tomorrow.

And now, let’s talk about one of my favorite subjects, “Dougie Fresh”, aka ME! I could easily just take the other road and talk about the great 80’s rapper, Doug E. Fresh, who is actually one of the better artists from that era and along with his sidekick/partner Slick Rick, produced quite a bit of memorable and entertaining moments and songs. I didn’t really appreciate him so much then, mainly because of the name thing, but he was one of my “guilty pleasures” of that era and now that (after nearly thirty years of hearing it) I’ve reconciled myself to being called “Dougie Fresh” all the time, I can admit it publicly. Doug E. Fresh was de’ man! 

But I’m not talking about him. I’m talking about me. I’ll just give you a quick rundown on who I am. I’m a somewhat introverted, anti-social writer who works as a cashier and clerk to pay the bills. I like cats, but only tolerate dogs to a point. I feel the same way about people. I like some folks. And when I like you, I will do almost anything for you. And if I don’t like you, just step away because I can’t be bothered. 

I have quirks and odd habits. I like to watch wrestling and can talk/argue about the world’s greatest sport for hours at a time. The same goes for comic books. And sex. I have a dirty mind and I know how to apply it to the real world and others. Yeah, I’m (slightly) a perv sometimes, but I keep it legal and know when to say when (usually) so its all good and part of my charm. I despise a telephone and hate talking on them. Texting is somewhat better, but there are times it gets on my nerves too. Just part of my anti-people / anti-social ness that I’m trying to overcome and work on.

I don’t like confrontation or having to ask anyone to do anything for me. If I can’t do it on my own, I’ll go without or get by. And if I have to give in and actually ask for something, I’d rather just cut my arm off and be beat to death first. I have little sympathy for the aches and pains of others. Yeah, I know that makes me somewhat of an asshole, but I hurt every single waking moment of my life. My legs are shot to hell and the rest of my body is quickly falling into step with them. But I don’t complain or talk about it because that’s just not how I am. I smile and laugh and cut the fool like I don’t have any worries or problems. I’m not condemning or judging others. Everyone has different tolerances for pain and different ways of dealing with anxiety or issues. Mine is just to shut up, suck it up, and keep moving. Probably would be better off if I did spout off and let out a little whimper or moan here and there, but that’s not me or how I roll. 

And to be honest, my aches and pains are constant and annoying, but minor compared to what some people I know and love are going through daily right now. I hurt, but I can manage. If I had to deal with what they are dealing with 24/7, I’d probably be a basket case and just give up. But they’re not and my respect for those folks is just so immense. And though my sympathy level for most people is low, mainly because most people fake it and milk their agony for pity and attention. But when it’s real and intense, I do care and sympathize and try to help if and when I can. And now I forget where I was going with this so I’ll move on.

I’m loyal, hard-working, dependable and I do not lie. I don’t always tell the truth, but I will not do the blatant lie. If I don’t want to say something, I won’t, in order to avoid hurting feelings or avoid a confrontation. My feelings have been hurt (and ripped from my heart, tossed to the ground and stomped on) so many times, and it still happens daily, so I try not to do that to others. If it’s something bad that needs to be said, I’ll just say nothing or change the subject or do the dodge thing. I will never, ever lie to you or anyone else. Do not ask the blunt questions either because if I have to give a direct answer, I will and that’s when feelings or tact go out the door. If it has to be said, better to say it and get it over with, good or bad, rather than drag it on.

I just realized something. I’ve been going on and on and on and just rambling and to be honest, after reading all of this stuff, I seriously doubt that anyone actually knows more about me now than they did before. Good! Let’s just sum it up that I’m everything you think I am, but nothing at all like you would or could imagine. I’m as real as it gets, yet I live for the dreams and fantasy. I am who I am who I am. I’m just me. What you see is what you get and believe me, you haven’t seen anything yet. 

I am… Doug. ‘Nuff said!

And with that, I’m done. Later gators and have a great day.

Ubuntu!