Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions By Casper
Therapy, Peace, Hats & More
March 30, 2022
DougMaynard.com

One of my favorite people on Twitter, aside from Marcus “Buff” Bagwell (@Marcbuffbagwell), is a lovely gent named Casper (@da_ghostly_host), who loves to ask a lot of unusual and unique questions. Well, as we all know, I always love to do a good Q&A, and here is what happens when Casper and I get together. It’s Questions By Casper. Let’s do this.

Have you ever been lost in the forest?

I’ve been lost in confusion a few times, as well as lost in my mind once or twice, but lost in the forest? I always stick to the trails so I would have to say no to that.

What is your favorite camping food?

Beer. Lots and lots of beer. Wait, is beer a food? Okay, maybe not so we’ll go with beans. If they’re good enough for the cowboys in Blazing Saddles, they’re good enough for me.

What is your favorite candy bar?

It depends on my mood, but I usually like either Snickers or Zero Bars, one or the other. After all, Snickers has peanuts and Zero Bars doesn’t. Sometimes you feel like a nut and sometimes you don’t. I feel like I should insert a gay joke here, but I’ll spare you, this time. Let’s move on.

Do you wear hats?

Do I look like a singer who sings the Safety Dance to you? Oh wait, they don’t wear hats either, do they? My bad! I forget where I was going with this joke so I’ll just insert the music video here instead. Enjoy.

Are you street smart or book smart?

A little of both. I have book smarts for sure and know all sorts of stuff that has absolutely no use in real life or the real world. Yes algebra, I’m talking about you. But after almost 37 years of working with people and doing customer service, as well as hanging out with a wide variety of people over the past many years, some of who were admittingly a rough crowd, I’ve managed to acquire a few street smarts as well.

Is there a celebrity you’d like to meet?

I can think of many including Lisa “Ivory” Moretti, Juventud Guerrero, Marcus “Buff” Bagwell, The entire Sammy Guevera VLOG Crew, and Alice Cooper.

What does being a Christian mean to you?

I don’t claim to call myself a Christian, but what it means to me is to try to do your best in everything, treat others as you’d like to be treated, and if you’re able to help someone, do so because you can or want to, and not because you expect anything from it. Just be as real as you can and try to be the best person you can, period!

What is your favorite mealtime?

I like those late-night dinners/breakfasts that take place when the rest of the world is sleeping. Those are very cool to me.

Do you believe that stupid is as stupid does?

Stupid people do stupid things, so that would be a yes.

Have you ever been on a safari?

I’ve been dumpster diving at St. Andrews University, and I’ve been exploring old cemeteries. Would either of those count?

Have you ever gone hunting wild boar?

In the literal sense, I would say no.

Have you ever done group therapy?

A few friends, a bonfire, and lots of alcohol. Sho ‘Nuff. And yes too that I did some group things for alcoholics after I had my DWIs back twenty-five years ago. Sitting in a circle with a bunch of other guys talking about how to hide their drinking and making plans for eventual parties and get-togethers. I met some cool people there.

Where would you go if you could go anywhere in the world?

Right now, to a motel room at Pine Acres so I can have a few hours of peace, drink a few adult beverages, and get laid. This place here, at the house, just isn’t cutting it for me. I need a freakin’ break!

What does freedom mean to you?

It’s hard to say because it’s not real and doesn’t exist. I guess it’s just another word for nothing left to lose.

Do you have a favorite celebrity?

The folks I listed above would qualify as my answers for this question… and right now, Caitlynne Curtis. Her voice is so amazing, it gives me chills. Just listen.

What would you like to share?

It’s time to come out and admit it. I think I might be gay.

What is something people should know about you before meeting you for the first time?

Yeah, I might be a little bit of a smart-ass sometimes, and I can be crude and even disgusting, but I mean well and have a good heart, even if it is a little black & twisted.

What would you name your own island?

How about Fantasy Island… because the idea of my owning my own island is a fantasy and nothing more.

What is one thing you like to have before bed?

Wild & crazy sex with a good-looking guy. And an ice cream sandwich.

Do you like licorice?

It’s good for tying people up to the bedframe, but aside from that purpose, not really.

What is your go-to come back for disrespectful situations?

An old classic, this one.

Where is somewhere you’d like to visit?

I’d love to visit Nashville at some point. That would be cool. And of course, go to Wrestlemania. That one will happen one day though. I’m just not sure when.

What is something you’d never pay for?

I would say sex, but it’s like everything else. You may not pay money, but you pay eventually in some way, every single time. So that doesn’t really count, and besides, them “straight boys” will do a lot for twenty bucks, right?

What is your happy place called?

My bed.

What is something that makes you really mad?

Just five minutes on Twitter or watching the news will generally do it. I read and see the lies and absolute B.S. and I can literally feel the blood pressure rise.

What would you say to God if you met him face to face?

Please come home. We need you now!

How old do you think the world is?

Older than I am. Do I look like a geologist to you? How the heck should I know?

How do you feel about your name?

It’s mine and it’s on my business cards and website so no complaints.

What do you think would happen if world peace was attained?

Some idiot would screw it up and it wouldn’t last long.

What do you think heaven will be like?

Absolute paradise and a place of love, warmth, no pain, and eternal bliss. At least that’s the theory and it sounds pretty good to me.

What do you think hell would be like?

Working at Nic’s Pic Kwik or Kangaroo forever.

Do you believe in life after death?

I kind of do because I hate to think that this life we have is all there is. Why not have a second or third chance to do better, be better, etc. Makes sense to me.

Have you ever sworn in the house of God?

Unfortunately, I have, more often than I care to admit. Truthfully, that I didn’t spontaneously combust every time I walked through those doors at the church, was surprising to me.

Have you ever been to confession?

Not in the technical sense of a minister hearing my sins. I’m not Catholic. But I have confessed to many things over an adult beverage or ten with select individuals. And truthfully, these Q&As and blogs here at the site serve as my confessions. Just read them carefully and you’ll know, some of it anyhow.

What’s for breakfast?

I’ll decide that in the morning, but most likely, it’ll be waffles. Let go of my Eggo.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Any comments, thoughts, or questions you may have are welcome and appreciated. Thanks again to Casper (@Da_Ghostly_Host) for the questions. Until the next time, take care and be good, my friends. I’ll see you on the next ride.

Ubuntu!