Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day of Dougie
Crazy Cat Lady, Common Core Math & 5 Things You Didn’t Know
DougMaynard.com
Doug Maynard

Man, it’s crazy here. It’s Day One and there are three very sexy dudes walking around ripping out our old bathroom and installing a new one. A walk-in shower, two new toilets, two new sinks and basins, etc. They’re working hard and getting it done while also giving me something to look at. I know these dudes and they’re all friends/acquaintances so they’re off limits for my usual perversions and innuendo. But I can still look, damn it. And damn, they’re hot.

But enough about that. It’s time to do what I do and that’s a Day of Dougie. That means it’s time to get the infamous Magic Bag, draw out a few topics of discussion, and then with no prior preparation, knowledge, or anything else, just start to write. Why? Because that’s how I roll. So let’s get the Magic Bag out and find out what we’re writing about. Hopefully, we’ll end up with something good.

And reaching into the bag, the topics of discussion for today will be Crazy Cat Lady, Common Core Math, and 5 Things You Didn’t Know. Okay, I can see some potential here. This might not suck too badly. So are you ready? Let’s do this.

Crazy Cat Lady

Every neighborhood has one. That old woman who lives alone and likes to feed the strays. It starts as just putting out food for one stray cat and that one cat quickly becomes a dozen or so cats, a possum, a raccoon, and maybe even a fox. Yeah, it happens. True story. But as the numbers grow, the woman becomes more and more detached from reality and becomes obsessed with all things feline. It’s a scary and sad existence. And it’s probably how I’ll be living in roughly about ten more years or so. Yes, it’s me. I already prefer animals over people and I have two cats right now. I guess it’s my starter kit. And as I get older, the more I prefer the cats. And there you go.

Common Core Math

This was so big a few years ago with everyone trying to overcomplicate how to do simple arithmetic and mathematics. Why do it simply and effectively with only one or two steps when it can be made difficult and confusing, right? It didn’t make sense then and now, it still doesn’t make sense. If something isn’t broken, why does everyone insist on trying to fix it and make it better? It usually tends to have the opposite effect and the whole common core match concept is proof of this. Three words about common core math. Don’t do dat!

5 Things You Didn’t Know

So how should I do this? Five things that you probably didn’t know about me or just five things that most people don’t know in general? I’ll go with 5 things about me that you probably don’t know. That’s easy enough.

I’m an ordained Minister and have been since 2001, courtesy of the Progressive Universal Church.
I have a Barbie doll with a prosthetic leg.
I was ready to join the Navy right after high school, but I caught the recruiter in a lie and changed my mind.
When I was a kid, I wanted to grow up and either be a writer, a professional wrestler, or a TV weatherman. Now I write about professional wrestling so two out of three ain’t bad.
I’m the best there is at what I do, but what I do isn’t very nice. Ask your boyfriend. He knows.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and questions are welcome and appreciated. I think I need a nap. With that, let’s wrap things up and close up shop for the day. Take care and be well, my friends. I had some kind of cool closing remark ready, but I’ve forgotten what it was so we’ll save it for next time. Take care and be good and I’ll see you at the Sock Hop.

Ubuntu!