Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day Of Dougie:
Tiny People, Wild Turkey, The Hardy Boys & More
February 13, 2022
DougMaynard.com

It’s Sunday morning and you know what that means. It means it’s time to get your heathen cracker-ass up and get ready for church. Or if you’re an infidel, as many of us unfortunately are, it’s time to get jiggy with it and sit here with me for a few minutes and enjoy a Day of Dougie. No, I don’t have a god complex. I’m just sexy and I know it.

My apologies. That song popped up on my YouTube mix first thing this morning while I was throwing clothes in the washing machine and now it’s stuck in my head. “What song?”, you ask. This one.

And now that you too will have that song playing in and out of your mind for the next several hours, you’re welcome. Let’s get to getting got and the reason we are here. You know the drill already, right? I draw three topics from the Magic Bag, and then with no preparation, I start to write about those particular topics. It’s a dirty job, but someone has to do it.

So let’s get the bag and see what we’re working with today. We have The Hardy Boys, Wild Turkey, and Tiny People. Not a bad selection, but guess what? I have an additional topic to add. Two scraps of paper from the Magic Bag stuck together and I ended up pulling out a two for one when I pulled out the Tiny People slip. It says Multi-Generational. Yeah, we’ll do that one too. So now, are you ready? Let’s do this.

Tiny People

A few days ago, I did a Day of Dougie commentary on short people. I can’t remember if it was here or on one of the test videos that I’m practicing on for future publication after I get better and more comfortable with it. Yes, this site will be moving into the modern era with videos very soon. Keep watching.

But then, I talked about my ex-girlfriend, who was very short, and other midget stuff. And now, when I see tiny people, two things come to mind. Toddlers, who are nothing but short adults, with all the attitude of a teenager, but not tall enough to reach onto the counter yet. And the other? Dwarfs, Hobbits, Leprechauns, Fairies, and Smurfs.

Yes, that’s a wide variety, but they all have one thing in common. If they are too drunk to drive, you can throw their car keys on top of the fridge and they’re stuck and can’t go anywhere. And they’re all fun to dress up like dolls and show off to your friends. Well, maybe not my friends, but nothing is cuter than a pissed-off Elf made to wear a monkey suit. Actually, I think I saw that in a movie one time.

And what am I talking about? I have no idea, but I think I need to take my morning meds. My sugar is making me stupid if I’m talking about tiny little people with tiny little fingers, tiny little toes, and big bank accounts like the Mini-Me dude from Austin Powers. Damn, he was a little fellow. And I’m just totally off my rocker here so let’s just move on.

Multi-Generational

This means exactly what it says, a household where a married couple tries to live on their own, and then they have a child. That’s two generations of family together. Then Grandma and Grandpa split up after he catches her with the neighbor guy, and Grandpa moves in with the couple and their kid. So that’s three generations of a family. And then the wife’s younger sister gets out of prison and she needs a place for her and her deadbeat husband to stay. So they move in too and they bring his son from a previous marriage with them. Did I mention that the son is sixteen and has two babies with two different girls? So the son’s girlfriends move in too and bring their kids. So you have grandparents, parents, kids, grandkids, deadbeat dads, girlfriends, babies, and that old dog with the mange who likes to sleep on the front porch. And they all live together in one house, with three bedrooms and 1 bath. And the Mom has a fling with her sister’s step-son. And the father gets mad, gets drunk, and walks out in front of a bus. That’s what multi-generational homes are all about. Or not. Let’s move on.

Wild Turkey

A premium bourbon that is damn good. Back when I was much younger, I used to “borrow” my step-dad’s bottles of Wild Turkey that he would have stashed away so my friends and I could sip at it on occasion. Okay, we chugged that shit and got hammered big time. He always drank Wild Turkey and Beam’s Choice. The latter, you can’t get anymore. It was Jim Beam, but with a slight bit more alcohol content, but they discontinued it a few years ago. Wild Turkey is still around though and is a top-selling brand of bourbon whiskey. If you get a chance to drink a bottle, do it. And if you bring it by the house, I’ll drink it with you. Wild Turkey. That’s some good stuff.

The Hardy Boys

No, I’m not talking about Matt and Jeff. Long before these two natives of Cameron, NC entered the professional wrestling ring, there was another set of brothers with the same name. I’m talking about Frank and Joe, the original Hardy Boys. Two teenage boys, the son of the local Sheriff, who took it upon themselves to solve mysteries and be amateur investigators. There was a whole series of books written and they, along with friend Nancy Drew, were the original teenage detectives. There was a series of books, as I said, and in the late ’70s, they even had a TV series, starring Shawn Cassidy and Parker Stevenson. It was every other week, switching off with Nancy Drew, and it really wasn’t half-bad.

I just had a thought. How about a new series about the Hardy Boys, but this time, instead of Frank & Joe, we have Matt & Jeff out trying to solve mysteries. The fight scenes against crooks would be awesome. And at the end of every show, Matt would proclaim that evil has been deleted once again. I’d watch it, but to be honest, I’m probably the only one. Matt & Jeff are probably too old to be teenage sleuths anyhow. If only I had thought of this twenty years ago, it would have been delightful. Oh well, it’s a thought. But the Hardy Boys were pretty cool, both sets of them. And I think that’s enough for now.

And there you go, another one in the books. My thanks for reading. Any comments, thoughts, questions, or suggestions of topics that you’d like to see me add to the Magic Bag, give me a shout and we’ll give it a go. Until the next time, take care of yourself and be good. Make it a good day by making it a Day of Dougie. See you again soon.

Ubuntu!