Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #18
Random Twitter Q&A
March 19, 2023
DougMaynard.com

In a world full of questions, it’s always fun to reply with an answer or two. I used to do a regular piece called “Questions By Casper”, but alas, Casper has gone MIA. But others have stepped up to fill the void. Just random questions from my Twitter friends. Are you ready? Let’s go.

Do you believe Biden’s story about seeing two men kissing and his dad explaining to him that it’s okay because they are in love?

Of course, it’s true. Joe Biden would never lie. Yes, he’s on record telling at least four different versions of this story, but what does that matter? And yes, his record on gay marriage and gay rights for his entire political career goes totally against anyone who had this kind of epiphany when they were a kid, but that’s just a coincidence. Just because he occasionally misspeaks and has a stutter, takes showers with his daughter, sniffs small children, and is a hypocrite who has been proven to be a plagiarist and teller of tall tales many times in the past is no reason to think this obviously made up story is a lie. I believe him. I do.

Elvis or Michael Jackson?

With all due respect to the King, I have to go with Michael on this one.

Are you political?

Not so much political as that I hate stupidity, lack of common sense, being screwed over by our government and people repeatedly lying in our faces while they pad their own pockets and call their crackhead son “the smartest person I know!”. Does that make me political? No, I’m just right.

You just won a 1-hour conversation with any athlete you want, who are you choosing?

The legendary 8-time NWA World Heavyweight Champion, the toughest man on God’s green earth, Harley Race. To sit under the learning tree of Harley, even for an hour, and discuss pro wrestling, would be amazing.

What’s the most underrated Breakfast food?

Sausage gravy. I love some biscuits and gravy. That stuff is good!

Name two athletes you would love to see fight each other.

LeBron James and Mike Tyson. James gets on my nerves so bad, I’d love to see Tyson just knock his ass out!

What’s a noise your pet makes that makes your skin crawl?

The whole licking themselves thing, usually in the dark, early hours of the morning when you can’t see them, but just hear that noise. It’s very disturbing.

If someone offered you $100,000 to eat an entire stick of butter in one sitting, would you do it?

Does it matter how we do it? I’m not a big butter guy, but if I could melt it down and drink it, I could and would do it. I’d puke it back up in a matter of moments, but I’d get it down and get my money first. As for having to eat it, I’d have to pass. My stomach is getting all icky just thinking about it. Bleh!

What’s the best way to remove stains from your clothes?

Lay them on the table and then start screaming. Don’t you remember the old commercials about “shout them out!”? Well, either that or throw the clothes in the washing machine, pour in some laundry detergent, turn the washing machine on, and hope for the best, but expect the worst. Live while you’re alive. Oops! My bad. I had a Mel Brooks flashback to an old movie I saw once. But want the stains out? Wash the damn things. That’ll work almost every time unless you’re just really nasty.

Do you think TikTok should be banned in the US?

I don’t use it, so while I do find it interesting sometimes when people send me stuff, I could care less.

Why do you only get songs you HATE stuck in your head?

That’s not true. Sometimes songs that I like end up stuck there as well. Like the Mel Brooks song, I mentioned a few questions ago. I saw a Mel Brooks musical tribute thing a few days on YouTube and that song, along with Springtime for Hitler, has been stuck in my head ever since. And I like those songs. They are getting a little annoying at times, but I still like them. At least it’s not LMFAO and “I’m Sexy And I Know It”, which will now be stuck in your head for the rest of the day. You’re welcome! And here is the Mel Brooks tribute that I mentioned. You’re welcome for this one as well.

Should American politicians be talking war with Russia over a drone we were flying near Russia?

It was a drone that was flying over international waters so it wasn’t “near Russia”. It was just Russia doing something because they knew that they can do it and no one in a current political leadership position will do anything about it. American politicians should be mad about it, but instead, all we get from “our esteemed leader” is some mumbling, an fake story about gay marriage, and some statements about how gas stoves are bad. Yeah, we live in some messed up times.

If you could make a Constitutional Amendment, What would it be?

Voted ID and paper ballots for every election, period! No exceptions. And term limits for members of Congress. That’s a big one as well.

Name a reason why one of your past relationships did not work out.

Because I don’t like or trust people very much, I value my “alone time” and I’m a pretty odd dude at times.

What comes to mind when you hear ‘meat wink’?

A good time? Hell if I know. I’ve never heard that term used before, but my mind immediately goes to the gutter. It just sounds nasty. It reminds me of some very explicit, yet juvenile conversations I’ve had in the past with some friends of mine over a beer or ten. Shameful! I’ll stick with my original thought. Having a good time!

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions for future columns or just because, are welcome and appreciated. Talk to me, my Peeps! Nothing is off-limits. And with that being said, it’s time to wrap it up and call it a day. I’ll be back in a little bit with some more. I need to go wash clothes and sweep first, but I’m not going anywhere today. It’s cold outside and I’m feeling a little sore. So I’ll be back. Watch for it. And until then, be good and eat more cheese. Love you, mean it!

Ubuntu!