Tossing Salt – Worldwide News
February 11, 2014

And here we are, back again for the second week in a row with the return of pro wrestling’s most eclectic column, the one and only, and as my ho-bro Kenneth would say, “Infamous” Tossing Salt – Worldwide News. I said I’d be back and this would become a regular thing again and guess what? It is.

So what’s the big news for now? CM Punk is still staying quiet and playing hide and seek with the WWE. Will he return? Who knows, but I still think he will the night after the Elimination Chamber pay-per-view, on the live RAW. Why then? Because that’s when everyone will be watching for the return of folks like Hogan, Undertaker, etc and for the debut of the WWE Network. And what better way to make an impact than to come in and steal the spotlight and steal the show and reclaim his top spot than with a nice, big old smokin’ pipebomb?

Congratulations to Edge and Beth Phoenix on the birth of their new child. I didn’t even know they were dating, but whatever. They’re parents now and have a mini Rated R Glamazon to contend with. Good luck with that.

Batista sucks!

Glad to see the New Age Outlaws as the tag champs. They’re not as good as they once were, but they’re as good as they ever were and are way more exciting than most of the folks currently in the WWE.

Looks like RVD will be back in some capacity at Wrestlemania XXX. I expect we’ll be seeing Chris Jericho and in some capacity, Steve Austin there as well. But what I want to see is Disco Inferno and Alex Wright, aka “Boogie Knights” make their big return to the national wrestling scene and go up against 3MB (Heath Slater & Drew McIntyre) in the Wrestlemania XXX pre-show match. Now that would be “best for business”.

And put William Regal back in the title picture. William Regal versus Dean Ambrose for the United States Championship. Works for me.

And if Regal’s wrestling, they need a new color analyst for NXT. Larry Zbyszko is under a legends deal and lives down the road from the WWE Developmental Center. There you go.

Let’s go answer some questions…

Question Time…

These questions came from the Facebook group, “Jim Crockett Promotions: A Great Era In Pro Wrestling”. If you’re a fan of the old Mid-Atlantic territory and love great, old-school classic wrestling, check this group out. You won’t regret it.

James Radford: What was you favorite “Specialty” match? For example…I always liked it when Wahoo would have The Indian Strap matches no matter who it was with.

The strap matches were cool. Also enjoyed the cage matches and the “Russian Chain Matches”, usually with Ivan Koloff. But I think my personal favorites were the good old fashioned “Street Fights”, be it a Blackjack Mulligan style “Texas Street Fight” or a Jimmy Valiant “New York Street Fight”. Something about the two (or four) men in street clothes just beating the holy hell out of each other was the best thing in my opinion.

Darren Runne: If you had the book back in the day and you had to split up a full fledged tag team and give someone a singles push, whom would it be and what title would he win? I would’ve given Hawk a US Title run.

Let’s look at the tag teams we had to work with. The Rock & Roll Express. The Fantastics. The Road Warriors. Steamboat and Youngblood. The Midnight Express. The Horsemen (Arn & Tully). The Andersons (Ole and Arn). And so many more. So what team would I break up? Probably the Rock & Roll Express. I’ve always thought that Ricky would make a good heel, so do a split with Ricky winning the NWA World Televison title and Robert getting jealous and demanding a shot at the belt and take it from there. They were too good a team to keep apart for long, but it would make a nice little fued and then they could reunite when Ricky gets jumped by The Horsemen and Robert makes a save.

Jeremy Painter: Thoughts on the scaffold matches? I thought they were overrated and unnecessarily dangerous. I feel bad for the Midnight Express always having to take those falls.

I never really liked those matches too much. Like Jeremy, I thought that the whole concept severely limited what the wrestlers could do and they were just far too dangerous. Ask Jimmy Cornette. Too much risk for too little gain in my opinion and I wouldn’t have used them or allowed them. There are many other styles of matches and other options to look at instead.

Maurice Fisher: Was Lex Luger A Bust Or A Success In His Career??

Multiple World Championships, a run with the Horsemen, a huge push in the WWF, a good push as a top guy in WCW until the end. Luger was definitely a success. He had the great look and was a good talker. He wasn’t a great wrestler, but he was fairly good at working his strong points and grew better as time went along. Matches with Flair and Windham were damn good and he had a lot of big moments. Maybe his career went south after WCW ended and then with the legal problems, the death of Miss Elizabeth and the health problems, but all in all, when looking at the total package (sorry, couldn’t resist), there is no way to view his career as anything but a success.

Moving on…

Quotable Quotes Part 1: Jim Cornette

(Talking about Luna)
“She looks like a fairy tale, very grim.”

(After the New Age Outlaws won, and their music “Oh, you didn’t know?” comes on)
“If the Headbangers didn’t know, then the New Age Outlaws just told them.”

(Talking about Sable)
“The way I heard it, she already had a couple of positions up in Titan towers.”

(After X-Pac did a few crotch chops)
“For goodness sakes, you can get a hernia doing that.”

“Wait a minute. Howard (Finkel), don’t bend over–the glare is blinding me.”

(Talking about the Oddities)
“I thought I was at a wrestling match, but now I’m at a rap concert.”

One On One…

“One On One” is where I take a wrestler from days gone by and match them up against one of the stars of today. It’s fantasy wrestling at it’s best as I analyze and ponder who would win a match if these people, in their primes, were to face each other “One On One”. Let’s do this…

Nikita Koloff versus The Undertaker

This would be a match I’d love to see. Nikita is just pure power and size and brutality. The Undertaker is the ultimate “big man” in the WWE and has such a msytique and aura about him. I think Nikita would have the slight advantage in power and those hard hitting Russian Sickles clotheslines would be hard for the Deadman to overcome. Taker is the better “wrestler” and has a wide range of submission moves available that Nikita would have to look out for and beware. Both are methodical and work a slower, but steady pace so I don’t think speed would be a factor for either guy. Common sense says that the Undertaker would be the favorite, but for some reason, my pure gut feeling is that Nikita would end up being the Phenom’s “Russian Nightmare”. I think Nikita would end up coming out on top.

Winner: Nikita Koloff

“Rowdy” Roddy Piper versus CM Punk

Two of the best minds and the best talkers in the business, period. Neither is a big size or speed freak or have that great “monster athlete” build so what we’ve have would simply be a match of two men trying to out-wrestle and out-smart each other. Piper, in his pre-WWF days, was just pure intensity in that ring. I think going to the WWF caused him to downplay his style a bit and he wasn’t quite as vicious in the ring. But with his promo ability, he didn’t need to be and he was definitely the top heel of his era.

Punk is a good wrestler in the WWE style, but his best days in the ring were in Ring Of Honor and working the Indy’s before he came to the WWE. The guy is adaptable and can work a variety of styles and matches.

And if he and Piper, in their primes were to meet, I’d love to see that match, and even better, hear the promos leading up to that match. In the ring though, the Rowdy Scot would take the fall and the winner would end up being “The Best In The World”.

Winner: CM Punk

And now, one more time…

Quotable Quotes Part 2: Variety

Curt Hennig: “It’s a rap, cause I’m a sap, and it’s a crap.”

The Blue Blazer: “Train, say your prayers, and drink your milk.”

Godfather: “I ain’t gonna offer you the ho’s because my girls don’t want no scrubs!”

Konnan: “Juvi’s English is as bad as La Cucaracha’s Spanish, which is as bad as Disco Inferno’s wrestling.”

Kevin Nash: (after the crowd was chating take your tops off to women in bikinis) “I would guys, but it’s a bit cold now.”

Kevin Nash: (The nWo bikini winner is strutting in the ring): “Eat your heart out Sable.”
Hollywood Hogan: “You didn’t say that!”
Kevin Nash: “I think I did!”

Mankind: “I thought of going to WCW, but I’m not old enough yet.”

Road Dogg: (Billy Gunn had on a referee’s shirt) “I got it: you are applying for a job at Foot Locker!”

Who Am I?

The answer to last week’s “Who Am I?” was none other than my one true love, the only woman I’d go “straight” for, my beloved, Lisa “Ivory” Moretti. Answering correctly were Mr. Chad Burtram and my former “Wrestling Fact Or Fiction” tag team partner, the one and only Mr. Russell Jackson. And I’m thinking that somene else answered correctly too, but I can’t remember who and I’ve lost my cheat notes where I was writing this stuff down. Ooops! My bad. So if you did answer correctly and I forgot to mention you, please let me know and I’ll make sure you get the proper credit for knowing your wrestling peeps.

Let’s do a new “Who Am I?”.

In the real world, I’ve been a paramedic, a police officer and a bodyguard, but in the world of entertainment, my resume would say “American Gladiator”, manager, wrestling champion and stylist. I managed a tag team that was the original “bro-mance style partnership” and then worked with a team that had an obsession with “Three Minutes”. Finally, I settled into a tag team partnership with a talented twin and his Tough Enough alumi wife. I retired in 2005 after a great run in All Japan Pro Wrestling and after a seven year hiatus from the ring, I returned to full time professional wrestling with the Las Vegas based “Future Stars Of Wrestling” in November, 2012. Who Am I?

If you know the answer, send a message to my inbox at Facebook or else e-mail me at Doug28352@yahoo.com.

And I guess that’s all for now. It’s 7:30am and why the hell am I awake? I’ve been up all night and The Sandman is calling. And I’m talking about the mythological put-you-to-sleep dude and not the beer drinking, cane swatting ECW icon. I need sleep. So I am out of here for now. Thanks for reading and I’ll see you again on Thursday with “Wrestling Fact or Fiction”. I’m Doug and “dat is all de’ people need to know!”. Have a great week and I’m gone.

Ubuntu!