Outrageous Questions (Survey)

Outrageous Questions That Need To Be Answered…
“If you were to get rid of one state in the U.S., which would it be and why?”

It comes down between Montana and California. If I picked Montana, the only thing we would lose is a lot of buffalo and Ted Turner would lose some land, but that’s about it. If I picked California, we would lose Jerry Brown, Nancy Pelosi, Maxine Walters, etc. Sure, we’d also lose Hollyweird and Los Angeles, but is that really a big loss? I have a few friends who live in CA and if they want to come back to NC to stay, they’re more than welcome. But the rest of that state would be, in the words of “Broken Matt Hardy”, “DELETE DELETE DELETE!”…

“How many cows are in Canada?”

Take the number of bulls, subtract the moose and wolverines, add in a sasquatch with a touch of polar bears and there you go. Common core animal math. And the answer is “Six”…

“How many quarters would you need to reach the height of the Empire State building?”

Only 9, but they’d have to be really really big…

“A penguin walks through that door right now wearing a sombrero. What does he say and why is he here?”

He asks directions to the bathroom and he’s here for the party. Why else would he be here?

“What songs best describes your work ethic?”

“Work / Play – the Bar Mitzvah Remix” by soce the elemental wizard…

“Jeff Bezos walks into your office and says you can have a million dollars to launch your best entrepreneurial idea. What is it?”

Who is Jeff Bezos and why would he give me a million dollars? It doesn’t really matter, I guess. What’s my entrepreneurial idea? How about a professional wrestling website, managed by ME? And a low budget (meaning no budget) musical about serial killers. It’s going to happen. Believe that!

“What do you think about when you are alone in your car?”

“I really need to get that oil leak fixed”, “I’m hungry”, “Do I need to get gas?”, and “I need a new radio”…

“How would you rate your memory?”

If it’s totally obscure and matters to absolutely no one, I remember it well. If it’s actually important, I run with about a 60% memory rate. And if it’s matching a face to a name, I absolutely and totally suck.

“Name three previous Nobel Prize winners.”

Mother Teresa, Barack Obama (why?) and Bob Dylan…

“If we came to your house for dinner, what would you prepare for us?”

Probably a mixture of things, depending upon how much advance notice I had. Spaghetti or chili if I only had a few minutes warning and we might go with BBQ chicken, baked beans, potato salad and slaw if I had the time to fix it all. I love to cook so anything is possible.

“How would people communicate in a perfect world?”

How about by actually talking to each other instead of using phones, texts and social media… you know, like we actually used to do…

“How do you make a tuna sandwich?”

I don’t. That stuff is absolutely nasty and disgusting. I know my brother disagrees and likes that foul smelling toxic mess (and so does my cat), but I can’t stand it. I never have liked it.

“My wife and I are going on vacation, where would you recommend?”

The beach or the mountains, depending on what you like to do. Wilmington is a great place to visit and I personally would love to go to Washington DC and New York City and actually have a chance to visit all the historical sites and places of note worth seeing.

“You are a head chef at a restaurant and your team has been selected to be on ‘Iron Chef.’ How do you prepare your team for the competition and how do you leverage the competition for your restaurant?”

We pick a meal to be prepared and we practice, practice, and practice some more. That’s how to win any kind of competition. Be prepared.

“What’s your favorite song?”

It changes from day to day and moment to moment, but generally anything by Alice Cooper, Waylon Jennings or Sublime qualifies as one of my favorites. I think my current favorite right now, or at least the song that is currently echoing in my head, is “Out Of The Rain” by Waylon, Jessi Colter and Tony Lee White. Also, “All American Boy” by Steve Grand. I wish I could find my own “all American boy”. I need a hug. 😦

“Have you ever stolen a pen from work?”

Most likely, but I’m more likely to bring in pencils and pens from other places to work and leave them there. It’s what I do.

“Pick two celebrities to be your parents.”

How about Vincent K. McMahon and Linda McMahon. Wait, that would make me Shane and Stephanie’s brother and part of the WWE. I’d be a boss. Oh hell yeah, that would work.

“What kitchen utensil would you be?”

A spatula because then I could be used to smack that ass… lol

“If you had turned your cellphone to silent mode, and it rang really loudly despite it being on silent, what would you tell me?”

“Ooops! My bad! Excuse me while I ignore this call.”

“If you could be anyone else, who would it be?”

While I wouldn’t mind having the bank accounts of a few other people, I’m pretty much content with who I am and being myself. Why mess with perfection, right? But keeping with the spirt of this question, if I could change places with someone for a short time, I’d be Batman. Who doesn’t want to be Batman, right?

“How would you direct someone else on how to cook an omelet?”

Crack open a couple of eggs and dump them in a cup. Mixed in some chopped onions, peppers and diced ham. Stir and pour into a preheated skillet and let it cook for about a minute or so and then flip it over. Repeat the process and then use a spatula to scoop it all on to a plate and go munch. And there you go. It won’t be pretty, but it should be yummy. Or just say to hell with it and go to Burger King instead and get a Sausage, Egg and Cheese Croissant. They’re even yummier and better for you anyhow.

And there you go. Survey complete. Have a great one.


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