Vince McMahon was sitting in his office going over budget reports for WWE.
“Austin’s only been back for four months and our alcohol budget has increased by 160%”, Vince groaned. “I may have to fire a Diva or two to make up the difference in our budgets.”
Suddenly, Vince felt a tingling in his spine and a major pain shoot through his head.
“It’s my Vinnie-sense”, he thought to himself. “Major annoyance fixing to occur!”
And as if on cue, the intercom on his desk buzzed.
“Mr. McMahon, your daughter Stephanie is here to see you.”
“Send her in”, Vince sighed as he reached into his desk and opened a bottle of tylenol. “Maybe she won’t stay long!”
“Hi daddy”, Stephanie said as she came into the room.
“Hello Princess”, Vince smiled as he stood up and gave his daughter a kiss on the cheek. “So what brings you to my office today?”
“Well, I was just in the building with the girls and felt like stopping by”, Stephanie said.
“Where are my little angels today?, Vince asked
“Don’t worry. Kane is looking after them and teaching them how to blow up Hornswoggle”, Steph said with a smile.
“Kane is teaching them what…?”, Vince asked.
“Kane keeps placing Hornswoggle on the top turnbuckle and then igniting the flames. The girls love it!”, Steph giggled.
“I doubt Hornswoggle likes it very much though”, Vince sighed. “But so long as my granddaughters are having fun, it’s all right.”
“And also, Daddy… I had an idea”, Stephanie said.
“Oh Lord, here it comes”, Vince thought to himself as he forced himself to smile. “And what is that, Princess.”
“Well, I’ve been watching the news and you’ve seen how Donald Trump seems to be positioning himself to run for President…”
“I’ve spoken to Donald several times and he is considering that option”, Vince noted. “So what?”
“Well”, Steph said. “If Donald runs for office, that means he won’t be doing Celebrity Apprentice anymore, right?”
“No, he wouldn’t have time, plus the equal time campaign laws would force him to quit that show.”, Vince agreed.
“So why don’t you take over that job, Daddy”, Steph asked. “It’d be a great role for you and you do love to fire people.”
“I don’t necessarily love it”, Vince said. “But sometimes, it has to be done!”
“Think about it”, Steph said. “The WWE already dominates USA Network and SyFy. Why not have a strong WWE presence on Sunday night too at NBC? It’s a natural role for you. You’re a billionaire. You’re well known and have a great television presence. And you love to fire people.”
“I don’t love to fire… okay, I do love to line people up, get right into their face and scream at them those magic words”, Vince said.
“Do it for me, Daddy”, Steph said, clapping her hands in excitement.
Vince smiled for a moment and then got that deranged look in his eyes, the mixture of comtempt and disgust… and bellowed out…
“I love it when you do that”, Steph smiled.
“I do too, Steph”, Vince admitted. “I do too!”
“So what do you think about my idea”, Steph asked.
“I’m not sure”, Vince admitted. “I’m so busy with the WWE and your Mom is considering another run for the U.S. Senate seat. There is so much to consider. Plus, we don’t even know for sure if Donald is going to run for President and give up the show or not.”
“Call him and just suggest it”, Steph said. “If Donald does give up the show, you can take over and it’ll stay successful and you’ll both make money. He always likes to make money and you’re the only one who could possibly follow in his footsteps on that show.”
“I’ll call him tonight, but no promises”, Vince said.
“Good”, Steph smiled. “Now I’d better get down there and rescue Kane from the girls before they decide to blow him up.”
“All right, Princess”, Vince said. “I’ll call you later tonight after I talk to Donald.”
“Bye Daddy”, Steph said and with a quick kiss to her father’s cheek, Stephanie McMahon left the room.
“Me hosting Celebrity Apprentice?”, Vince laughed. “That would be a hoot!”
Vince reached over and hit the buzzer for his secretary.
“Janice, please get me a list of the rosters for both shows. I feel like firing someone today!”
Vince clicked off the intercom system.
“Yeah, me on the Celebrity Apprentice, taking over Donald’s job. I could see that!”
And Vince gave an evil, sinister smile.
Billionaire Donald J. Trump is sitting in his office at the Trump Towers, looking over some paper-work when there is a buzz from his secretary.
“Yes Cindy, what is it?”, Donald asked.
“I’m sorry to disturb you, Mr. Trump”, the secretary responded, “but there’s a gentleman here to see you.”
“Who is it?”, Trump asked. “I don’t have any appointments scheduled for today until 5:30 when I’m meeting Kathie Lee and Frank for dinner and a movie. I hope Kathie doesn’t decide to sing again. I hate it when she sings.”
“It’s Vince McMahon, sir…”, the secretary said.
“Vince?”, Donald sighed. “He must need some more help with his show and the ratings. Tell him I’m in a meeting and I’ll call him tomorrow.”
Donald clicked off the speaker and listened carefully for Vince’s response. It was only a matter of seconds before he heard Vince’s voice getting louder outside his door.
“Who the hell does he think he is?”, Vince was screaming. “I’m Vince McMahon, damn it! I am the WWE! I destroyed WCW! I destroyed ECW! And I am a damn billionaire! No one gives me the brush off and tells me that they’ll call me tomorrow. Get Donald out here… NOW! Or else!”
“Or else what?”, the secretary asked innocently with a sweet voice.
“Or else I’ll put you in the ring with Kane! I’ll crush you like a bug! Or else… YOU’RE FIRED!”
Donald Trump smiled as he heard that and decided it was time to intervene. He opened the door and stepped out of his office.
“Vince, she doesn’t work for you. She works for me. You can’t fire her. Only I can do that!”, Donald smiled.
Vince turned around. His eyes were bulging and his face was red, the adams apple bobbing up and down…
“She tried to tell me to that you were in a meeting and to wait for you to call me back tomorrow”, Vince scowled.
“She told you what I told her to tell you”, Donald smiled. “Consider it payback for making me have to talk to Stephanie last time I came to Titan Towers in Stamford.”
Vince chuckled at the memory.
“Yes, she sang to you and everything, if I recall correctly”, he laughed.
“She did and it was horrible”, Trump sighed, shivering at the memory.
“Well, now that we’ve gotten the fun and games out of the way, I’d like to speak to you”, Vince told The Donald.
“Do I have a choice?”, Donald asked with a long sigh. “Come into my office.”
Vince and Donald went into the office and each took a seat.
“So what do you want, Vince?”, Donald asked as they sat down. “If it’s a contribution for one of your charities, I’ll just tell Cindy to give you a check. Which one is it? Make-A-Wish? Wounded Warrior? The new anti-bullying campaign?”
“No”, Vince said. “It’s not that, although if you’d like to make a contribution to any or all of those charities, it would be greatly welcome.”
“If not that, then what, Vince? Is Linda running for the Senate again? If so, you can count on my support, provided she does one thing.”
“What’s that?”, Vince asked wearily.
“Make sure she shows her birth certificate first”, Donald smiled.
“No Donald, that’s not it”, Vince said. “I’m here to make an offer and to help you!”
“Help me?”, Donald asked. “What kind of offer? What are you talking about, Vince?”
“Well, as we both know, you’re considering running for President of the United States”, Vince started.
“I have not decided for sure yet”, Donald said quickly. “But it is in consideration. And no, I don’t want you running with me as my vice-presidential candidiate.”
“No, that’s not… “, Vince started to say, but then caught himself. “Why not? Putting Vince McMahon on the ticket would be a one way ticket to the White House. Think about it. Vince and The Donald!”
“The Donald and Vince”, Trump quickly interjected.
“Yeah, whatever”, Vince said. “But two successful, charming, businessmen like you and I, as a team. People love us!”
“People love me”, Donald said. “At least the ones that matter. No one loves you!”
“That’s not true”, Vince said. “My family loves me. My wife, Linda. My daughter, Stephanie. My son…”
“Shane”, Donald said for him.
“No… Hunter”, Vince said. “Shane is still kind of mad at me for making him work as Steph’s assistant”.
“So it’s not about the Vice President’s job and it’s not about charity”, Donald said to Vince. “So what exactly do you want, Vince?”
“It’s about your TV show”, Vince said.
“The Apprentice”, Donald asked. “What about it? You don’t mean that you want to come on the show and work for me, do you?”
“No… not exactly”, Vince said. “Me working for you would make for some great TV though.”
“Yes, it would”, Donald said. “What about the Apprentice?”
“Well, if you do decide to run for the Presidency, you’ll have to give up the show, right?”, Vince said.
“Most likely”, Donald said.
“And that would be a shame, especially after eleven years”, Vince said.
“It would”, Donald agreed, “but if I run for President, I won’t have time for the show anymore. Sacrifices would have to be made for the better of our country.”
“What if I told you that the show could continue and keep going, even if you ran for and became President”, Vince said.
“What are you smoking, Vince?”, Donald asked. “I couldn’t do both jobs at once.”
“No, but how about this”, Vince smiled. “The Celebrity Apprentice… starring Vincent Kennedy McMahon.”
“You want to take over my show, Vince?”, Donald said. “What about the WWE? What about WWE Pictures and your dreams for your own network?”
“My company is set up with the right people in positions of power that I could make the time to do more. And who better to look America in the eye, raise money for charity and getting to fire people on national television than me, Vince McMahon?”
“It wouldn’t work, Vince”, Donald said. “You’re ovebearing, obnoxious, loud, agressive, pompous and you have bad hair. Who would want to watch someone like that on their television?”
“Donald, you just described yourself”, Vince said.
“Right”, Donald said. “And there is only room for one of me on network televison.”
“What’s the matter, Donald? Afraid of a little competition?”, Vince smiled.
“Not at all”, Donald smiled back. “I’m just saying that IF… and that’s a mighty big IF, I do decide to run for President, then the Celebrity Apprentice show ends. End of discussion. ”
“Is that your final answer?”, Vince asked.
“It is”, Donald said. “There can be no Apprentice without Donald Trump… just as there can be no WWE without Vince McMahon.”
“Then I guess you don’t want to see this?”, Vince said, holding up a DVD disc.
“What is that, Vince?”, Donald asked.
“Well, since you’ve already decided that there is no chance in hell of Vince McMahon taking over your spot on Celebrity Apprentice, if you should happen to decide to run for President… and taking it to more ratings success and new heights never before dreamed of because of me, Vince McMahon… then this is just a waste of both of our times.”
“What’s on the disc, Vince?”, Donald asked.
“I had my people get in touch with a few celebrities and we put together a sample episode of what Celebrity Apprentice, starring Vince McMahon would be like in the first season.”
“You had your people do a pilot episode of my show?”, Donald asked with an amused look on his face.
“Well, my version of your show”, Vince said. “And all of the celebrities who appeared in the pilot would also be in the first season, should Celebrity Apprentice starring Vince McMahon ever some to pass.”
“Put on the DVD, Vince”, Donald said. “This, I have to see!”
Vince slipped the disc into the DVD player and hit the play button. A video started to play. We see Vincent K. McMahon power-walking, as only Vince can do. And we see brief clips of different celebritities, who had agreed to work with Vince start popping up. Academy Award winning actress and singer Jennifer Hudson. Jackass star Johnny Knoxville. Lemmy, from the band Motorhead. TV Personality Mary Hart. TV Icon Florence Henderson. “Big Sexy” Kevin Nash. Kevin “K-Fed” Federline. MIss USA Rima Fakih. Game Show Host and Icon Bob Barker. Baseball legend Pete Rose. Former WWE Diva and actress, Rena “Sable” Mero, Pee Wee Herman, and actor David Arquette. And we close with an image of Vince McMahon looking directly into the camera and sneering, “YOU’RE FIRED!”
Vince looked at Donald as the video ended. Donald looked back at Vince.
“Really, Vince? I mean, really?”, Donald smiled. “I mean, you have an interesting mix of people there, but no really big names.”
“I have Jennifer Hudson and she’s an Academy Award winner”, Vince said.
“Who’s married to one of your wrestlers”, Donald remarked. “Still, it is an interesting idea. I like the group dynamics! How did you manage to get Lemmy?”
“He’s friends with my son-in-law, Triple H”, Vince noted.
“I’ll tell you what, Vince. I’ll think about it!”, Donald said. “And if I do choose to run for President of the United States and we need a new person to take over Apprentice, I’ll recommend you to the NBC people.”
“Strongly recommend me, you mean”, Vince said.
“But of course”, Donald said. “Now, I’ve got work to do. Go back to Stamford and run the WWE. Fire someone or something like that.”
“Very well, Donald”, Vince said. “I’ll be in touch.”
Vince got up and headed towards the door.
“By the way”, Vince said. “About those charitable donations you mentioned earlier…?”
“Cindy is already waiting with checks”, Donald said.
“Excellent”, Vince said. “But before I leave, I want to hear you say it one time.”
“Say what?”, Donald asked.
“You know”, Vince laughed. “Those two words that both you and I are so famous for.”
“Do I have to?”, Donald sighed.
“Come on”, Vince laughed.
“Vince… You’re Fired!”, Trump said.
“I still do it better”, Vince laughed. “I’ll call you.”
“Give Linda my love”, Donald said as Vince left the room.
After giving Vince time to leave, Donald Trump went back to his desk, hitting the speaker to buzz his secretary.
“Yes, Mr. Trump?”, the secretary answered.
“Get me the President of NBC on the phone. I want to talk about renewal options for Apprentice.”
“Right away, Mr. Trump”. Cindy replied.
Donald sat back in his chair and sighed.
“Now that I know Vince wants my job, I’ll be there forever. No one can replace ‘The Donald’.”