Hogan Does Repo Games (Hulk Hogan / Chris Jericho Fan Fic)

A/N – Have you ever watched the show “Repo Games” on Spike TV? Decided to do a little parody of it with two of my favorite wrestling superstars. It’s Chris Jericho and Hulk Hogan. And it’s what I have decided to call…

Hogan Knows Repo” (A Repo Games / Wrestling Parody)

Chris Jericho: “This is Chris Jericho and I’m here on Spike TV, filling in for some loser named Josh Lewis on this reality based game show, Reindeer Games. What? Okay, the idiot producers are telling me that it’s not Reindeer Games. That was an absolutely awesome movie from a few years ago. This is Repo Games! And why am I your guest host for tonight. There are two reasons. To begin with, the producers of this show know that having a star of my magnitude, a true icon of professional wrestling, not to mention the frontman for the hardest working rock band in the world, Fozzy, would mean ratings and money and success. For am I not the Ayatollah of Rock and Rolla? And the other reason? I lost a bet with CM Punk! But have no fear, sooner rather than later, I will make my return to the WWE and show the world that CM Punk, as rebellious and dangerous as he tries to be. He calls himself a pipe bomb? I call him a whiner, a loser and a Chris Jericho wannabe. I will return and will stand face to face with CM Punk. I will look him dead in the eye and I will ask… no I will tell him to please SHUT THE HELL UP!”

Jericho pauses in his monologue for a moment and then looks back at the camera.

CJ: “But that’s the future. This is Reindeer… I mean Repo Games and what we’re going to do is repo someone’s car. But there’s a catch. They will have a chance to save their vehicle, much like I saved the WWE from mediocrity a few years ago. We’ll ask them five trivia questions and if they get three out of five, they get to keep their vehicle and the show will pay it off for them. But if they don’t get at least three right, the losers not only lose their vehicle, but we will make fun of them and call them names behind their back. Now let’s see what we’re picking up today.”

Jericho looks at his paperwork.

CJ: “Oh this is going to be sweet! We’re picking up a 2006 Nissan Sentra and the owner is… get this peons, the owner is Hulk Hogan. Yeah, this is going to be fun.”

Jericho and his cameras pull in front of a large home and the tow truck is quickly hooked up to the car sitting in the driveway. Jericho has the tow truck driver lift it up and goes to knock on the door. After a few moments, the door opens and Hulk Hogan comes out.

Hulk Hogan: “What are you doing here, Chris Jericho? This is the Hulkster’s private property, brother! And what’s with the cameras? What’s with the tow truck? Whatcha gonna do… brother!”

CJ: “Hulk Hogan, we’re here to pick up your car. The payments are late and it’s going back to the dealer. But before we pick it up, I have to give you an option where you can save your car. I’ll explain that in a second, but first. I’m looking at you and it’s the Immortal Hulk Hogan. And I look out in the driveway and see a Sentra. And well, I just have to ask you something.”

HH: “What is it, Jericho?”

CJ: “Bring in the Miz for his cameo appearance.”

Out of nowhere walks in WWE Superstar The Miz. He’s carrying a mic. Miz walks up to Hogan and Jericho and gets right up in Hogan’s face. He looks at the Nissan Sentra. He looks at Hogan. He looks again at the car. And then looks at Hogan.

MIz: “Really? Really? Really? A Nissan? Hulk Hogan? Really?”

Miz drops the microphone and walks off shaking his head. Silence fills the air until finally, Hogan starts to speak.

HH: “Well, you know Jericho, that the little Hulksters of the world appreciate good common sense economics and I saw this car and… it’s Brooke’s car. Yeah, that’s it brother. I don’t want her to be spoiled.”

CJ: “Too late to worry about that!”

HH: “I’m the Hulkster, bruther! I ride in limos and Bentleys and Mercedes. I live the big life with the best rides, brother! And what ya gonna do…”

Suddenly, Nasty Boy Brian Knobbs walked by.

Knobbs: Hey Hulkster, why is your car up on the tow truck?”

Hogan turned and glared at Knobbs. Knobbs just shrugged his shoulders.

Knobbs: “What? What? I’ll be at the pool!”

Everyone watched Knobbs walked off towards the pool. Then Jericho turned to Hulk Hogan.

CJ: “So who’s car is it, Hulkster?”

HH: “It was all I could afford after the divorce and the lawsuit against Nick.”

CJ: “We understand, Hulk! But that’s what happens when you marry a lying, stinking, bottom feeding, trashbag ho!”

HH: “I never married Stephanie!”

CJ: “No, I’m talking about the other lying, stinking, bottom feeding trashbag ho!”

HH: “Debra McMichael?”

CJ: “No, not that one!”

HH: “Missy Hyatt? Sable? Brooke?”

CJ: “No, no and eeew! That’s just nasty! I’m talking about your ex-wife, Linda, you nimrod!”

HH: “Oh yeah! She told me she was pregnant.”

CJ: “With the spawn of Satan!”

HH: “Don’t talk about Nick that way! Or are you talking about Brooke?”

CJ: “Never mind, Huckster! The producers of this chump change game show are telling me that we need to move on. So do you want to save your car or not?”

HH: “How do I do that? I can call Eric and use my creative control?”

CJ: “I’ll ask you five trivia questions. You get three right, then the car is paid off and yours to keep, no questions asked. If you don’t get at least three right, the car gets reposessed. Do you want to play or not, jackass?”

HH: “Do I get to phone a friend?”

CJ: “I really don’t give a damn what you do. Let’s just get this over with!”

HH: “Let’s do it, brother… and whatcha gonna do… when Hulk Hogan wins Repo Games and runs wild over you!”

CJ: “Stow it bozo! Here’s the first question. You’ve heard of the Three Stooges, right? There were six people who were part of the Three Stooges act. Name three of them.”

HH: “Well, this is clearly a trick question, brother! But I know this! I used to watch that show each and every week. The Three Stooges, brother… we’re talking about Tony Schiavone, Mike Tenay and that Bobby Heenan wannabe, Larry Z. And that’s my final answer, Regis!”

CJ: “Well Baldylocks, I hate to tell you, but even though I agree with you and think you’re right, especially where that mealy-mouthed Tony Schiavonte was concerned, the producers say that you’re wrong! So raise the car up a bit on the tow truck!”

HH: “Was it Mean Gene, Vince and JR?”

CJ: “It’s Larry, Curly, Moe, Shemp, Curley Joe and Joe. Those are the names of all of the Three Stooges.”

HH: “I don’t believe that! I want to call Eric and get him to reverse the decison!”

CJ: “And I want an excedrin because you’re giving me a major headache, Thunderlips! Are you ready for the next question?”

HH: “Well, I still think I was right with the first answer!”

CJ: “You weren’t. Get over it!”

HH: “What’s the next question? Don’t make me slam you like I did that two-thousand pound, wart covered Andre the Giant in Detroit in front of a half a zillion fans.”

CJ: “Okay, Mr. Exaggeration! Here goes and even you should know this one. What former professional wrestler shocked the world be being elected Governor of the State of Minnesota in 1998?”

HH: “The Hulkster knows this one, brother! Because I announced my intentions to run for President that year and this joker, this wanna-be, jumped in there to still my thunder. He just wants to be Hulk Hogan, brother! That’s the little slimey backstabber, Jesse Ventura!”

CJ: “And surprisingly, you’re right Monkey! But just to clarify, Jesse was already elected Governor when you did that stupid storyline to run for President. So if anyone was trying to steal the thunder and hog the spotlight, it was you Hogan!”

HH: “Whatchu talking about, Jericho? I never wrestled on Thunder. That’s a B-show, brother!”

CJ: “Yeah! Yeah, save it for the funny pages, ass-clown! Hey monkey, he got one right so lower the car. Yeah, I’m surprised too!”

HH: “I got it right! Now unhook my car… I mean Brooke’s car!”

CJ: “That’s only one right, Blondie! You have to get two more right!”

HH: “Blondie? I know her. We were on MTV together!”

CJ: “Whatever, loser! Are you ready for question three?”

HH: “Bring it on, brother!”

CJ: “John, Paul, George and Ringo are the names of what rock super-group?”

HH: “Wasn’t that the nWo b-squad?”

CJ: “You don’t know who John, Paul, George and Ringo are?”

HH: “I’m just kidding you, brother! Of course I know who John, Paul, George and Ringo are!”

CJ: “So who are they? Speak up, jerky!”

HH: “I know exactly who they are, brother!”

CJ: “So answer the question, you moron!”

HH: “Can you give me a hint?”

CJ: “It’s the name of an insect, you pinhead!”

HH: “Oh yeah, I’ve got it! The Chipmunks!”

CJ: “Your answer is The Chipmunks?”

HH: “Yeah, brother! I have all their albums!”

CJ: “Jack that car up because this idiot just exceeded the outer realm of all ignoramous jackasses!”

HH: “Why? What happened?”

CJ: “You’re wrong, dillweed! The answer was The Beatles!”

HH: “Where? Someone needs to call the exterminatior then, brother!”

CJ: “Let’s get this over with, you clueless piece of garbage. Are you ready for the next question?”

HH: “Did I win, brother? It’s in my contract that I always win.”

CJ: “Even I’m getting tired of this now. Next question Hogan. Are you ready?”

HH: “Sock it to me, Jericho!”

CJ: “Okay, and if you don’t get this one, you deserve to lose your car. Who is the current President of the United States?”

HH: “I know this one, brother!”

CJ: “Well, answer the damn question Hogan!”

HH: “I ran for President once, don’t you know, brother!”

CJ: “I know… I know! We’ve already covered that, you jackass! Who is the President now?”

HH: “It’s a black guy!”

CJ: “We need a name, Hogan! Just give me the man’s name and you can save your car.”

HH: “He’s a great talker. Cuts some great promos.”

CJ: “What the hell is his name?”

HH: “I saw him on RAW once too… not that I ever watch RAW. I only watch TNA, brother and I don’t know anything about the drama with Hunter, Nash and that CM Punk dude, brother!”

CJ: “Who’s the President, Hulk?”

HH: “I don’t even know who CM Punk is!”

CJ: “Answer the damn question monkey!”

HH: “The President of the United States is…”

CJ: “Come on now. Say it loser!”

HH: “Charlie Sheen!”

CJ: “And you are wrong! Jack that car up and take it away! You lose, Hulk! Your car is being reposessed!”

HH: “What you talking about, Jericho? I got a text from Sheen last week and he told me has was winning!”

CJ: “Sheen is an idiot and you are an idiot too, Hogan! Your car is being towed away! Bwah-ha-ha-ha!”

HH: “It’s not fair, Jericho! I’m going to go call Eric, brother! And whatcha gonna do? Whatcha gonna do, when Hulkamania decides to run wild on you!”

CJ: “Yeah, whatever… loser! This is Chris Jericho and that’s it for tonight and Repo Games. It’s been an experience and it’s been your pleasure. And I promise you right now that I will never, eeeevvvvveeerrrr do this stupid game show agaaainn!. Go buy a Fozzy CD! Thank you and good night!


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