(Originally written December 21, 2008)
A Day In The WWE Offices (Part 4) – The Christmas Edition
(Vince McMahon is on the phone with WWE Executive Johnny Ace)
Vince: So what’s the hold up with Rey Mysterio’s contract? Has he signed the extension yet? What? He wants what? A Red Ryder BB Gun? Absolutely not! He’ll put his eye out… Just get to it, John and get Rey to sign that contract. I’ll see you tomorrow at RAW.
(Vince hung up the phone and sat back in his chair.)
“I guess I should go over my Christmas list and make sure all of my shopping is finished”, he thought.
Vince put on his glasses and turned to the computer on his desk. A few buttons are pushed and a list pops up on the screen.
“Twenty-five cases of beer to Austin? Check! The customized Harley Davidson to Undertaker? Check! The trip to Vegas for Linda? Check! The fishing boat for Stephanie and Hunter? Check! The ‘Rock ‘Em – Sock ‘Em Robots’ for Shane? Check! ‘The Best of Dr. Hiney DVD’ for Ross? Check! The subscription to ‘Girls Gone Wild’ for Lawler? Check! A box of steaks for JBL? Check! A case of Jack Daniels for Hayes? Check! And copies of the new ‘Raw versus Smackdown 2008’ game for the rest of the WWE superstars.”
Vince checked his list off and then checked it twice to make sure he hadn’t missed anyone. There was a knock at his office door.
“Come in!”, Vince said.
And in came Stephanie McMahon.
“Daddy, are you busy?”, Stephanie asked?
“Never too busy for my Princess”, Vince said as he stood up and gave his daughter a quick peck on the cheek.
“OK, I had this great idea and I wanted to run it by you”, Stephanie said.
“This isn’t the one about the WWE Superstars filming a remake of ‘Rent’, is it?”, Vince asked?
“No Daddy, although I’m still waiting for Kevin Dunn to get back to me about that.”, said Steph.
“So what’s your idea, sweet-pea?”, Vince asked?
“I think the WWE should have a special Christmas show.”, Steph said.
“We already do. It’s the ‘Tribute To The Troops’ show from Iraq that we aired last Saturday night on NBC.”
“No, not that show”, Stephanie said. “I mean a real Christmas show, complete with trees and ribbons and songs and dance.”
“Like a variety show?”, Vince asked.
“Exactly”, Steph said happily. “We could have skits where the WWE Superstars portray different characters like Jesus and the Three Wise Little Pigs…”
“That’s ‘Wise Men'”, Vince said.
“What?”, Steph said. “It’s Jesus and the Three Wise Men.”
“Oh”, said Steph. “But Aurora and Murphy like the three little pigs better.”
“Of course”, Vince said.
“So as I was saying, we can have them do skits. Like Santa Claus and the Seven Dwarfs”
“That’s Snow White and the …?”, Vince started to say.
“What?”, Steph said.
“Never mind”, said Vince. “Continue please.”
“Just imagine the ratings. We could have all of the Cruiserweights dress up like elves and Hornswoggle could be the head elf. And then Kane could come in and choke-slam them all and set them on fire.”
“Kane… setting elves on fire?”, Vince said slowly.
“And Melina could dress up like a snow-woman.. she really has a big ass… and Beth Phoenix could challenge her to a snow-bunny match.”
“A… snow… bunny… match?”, Vince said.
“And we could put tuxedos and those cute little reindeer antlers on all of the WWE superstars… Randy would look so cute with little antlers and a red nose like Rupert..”
“That’s Rudolph”, said Vince.
“Who, daddy?”, Steph said?
“Rudolph. He’s the reindeer with the red nose”, said Vince.
“No, I meant Rupert. He’s the drunk guy who lives in the alley near my condo. He’s got the reddest little nose..”
“Ummm… OK”, said Vince.
“And we could have the WWE Superstars singing Christmas carols. Just picture Santino and Jillian singing a duet of ‘Merry Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)’ and Jamie Noble doing ‘The Redneck Twelve Days of Christmas’. We’re talking about major ratings here, Daddy.”
“We’re talking about major headaches here, I believe”, Vince said.
“What, Daddy? You don’t like my ideas?”, said Stephanie, putting on a pouty face and sticking out her lips.
“I like them. I just think they’re a little… too…”
Vince closed his eyes as he struggled to find the right word.
“Advanced”, Vince said. “Yes, that’s it. They’re a bit too advanced for the average WWE fan. All the fans expect from our wrestlers are athletics and great stories..”
“And we give them that, don’t we Daddy?”, Steph inquired.
“Of course we do, Princess!”, Vince said. “But the idea of a variety show might be a bit too extreme for the average wrestling fan to accept. We know that our Superstars are extremely capable of doing variety, but will the fans accept them doing it? That remains to be seen.”
“So what should I do about my idea?”, Stephanie asked.
“Write it all down and send it to Kevin Dunn. See what he thinks of the whole idea. And I’ll give it some thought as well and we can discuss it at the next staff meeting.”
“Thanks Daddy, you’re the greatest”, said Steph as she reached over and kissed her father on the cheek.
“Now get out of here, Princess. I have a billion dollar corporation to run.”, said Vince.
“OK, Daddy. I’ll see you at RAW tomorrow night”, said Steph as she stood up and walked from the room.
Vince watched her leave and turned back to his desk. On a small post-it-note, he quickly wrote a note to himself.
“Skip next staff meeting!”
And then he opened back up his Christmas list on the computer and quickly scrolled up to the name of his daughter, Stephanie McMahon.
“A nice, long vacation… somewhere far, far away. And a good therapist”, he quickly added to her name.
“Singing and dancing WWE Superstars doing Christmas skits? What in the hell is that girl thinking?”, he thought to himself as he closed the page on his computer.
And then he opened another window. It was a list of future story-line ideas he had for the different WWE Superstars.
“Time for some serious work”, Vince thought as he began to type.
“Have Charlie Haas wear a skull-cap and cape and be a goose-stepping Nazi aka Baron Von Haaske… Kane can stalk Kelly some more and beat up Kofi Kingston for having a bad hair day. And have Santino dress “ghetto” and try to join Cryme Tyme.”
“Steph and her crazy ideas”, Vince thought to himself as he continued to type. “She must get it from her mother. She sure as hell didn’t get it from me.”