A Day At The WWE Offices – Part II
Vince McMahon is sitting in his huge office at WWE Headquarters in Stamford, CT.
Picking up the Hulk Hogan action figure with his left hand, he slams it hard into the top of his desk.
“And what are you going to do Hogan, when Vincent K. McMahon crushes you?”.
Vince reaches into his desk drawer and pulls out a Ric Flair action figure.
Mimicing Flair’s voice, he moves the action figure down the desk, “Don’t worry Hulk, I’ll save you. Woooooo!”
Vince laughs his crazy laugh.
“Ha Ha Ha!”, Vince snorts. “I’ll crush you both… because I’m Vince McMahon!”
And Vince slams the Flair action figure and Hogan action figure together.
And then Vince holds the two figures up to his face, and bellows… “Hogan, Flair… YOU’RE FIRED!”
Suddenly a knock at the door interupts Vince’s play-time and he quickly grabs the action figures and tosses them into a desk drawer, slamming it shut.
“Yes, come in!”, Vince yelled towards the door.
“Hi Daddy”, Stephanie McMahon screeched as she bounced through the doorway. “Are you busy?”
“I was just…ahem.. catching up on some paperwork, Princess”, Vince answered.
“Playing with your dolls again, Daddy? You know that the therapist said that’s not healthy”, Stephanie commented.
“They’re not dolls! They’re action figures”, Vince screamed at his daughter. “And to hell with that therapist. Dr. Stevie. I think he’s a quack anyways.”
“Okay, Daddy. Whatever you say!”, Steph smiled softly.
Vince quickly composed himself and asked his daughter, “What do you want, Steph? I’m a very busy man.”
“Well, I was talking to JBL last night”, Steph said.
“Bradshaw? How’s he doing?”, Vince asked.
“RIch! Very rich”, Steph replied.
“I always did like that boy”, Vince smiled. “Just don’t try to take a shower when he’s around.”
“Excuse me? What?”, Steph gasped.
“Never mind, Princess”, Vince said. “So what is John wanting?”
“He has an idea for a television show that he wanted to get your thoughts on?”
“A TV show? We’ve got enough wrestling shows on right now, especially with Tough Enough set to return”, Vince said thoughtfully.
“No, it’s not a wrestling show”, Steph said. “But more like a drama series.”
“Go on”, Vince said.
“JBL wants to do either a series or maybe even a movie remake of the old TV show, ‘Dallas’. Do you remember that show?”, Steph asked.
“Of course”, Vince said. “Who shot J.R. Ewing? It was very big in the eighties.”
“Well, it’s not technically ‘Dallas’ since we don’t own the rights to that series, but it’s extremely similar in many ways”, Steph said.
“I understand”, Vince said. “Close enough to attract the fans and attention that a show like ‘Dallas’ might recieve, but different enough that we can claim full ownership and not have to pay royalties or licensing fees.”
“And I know you like that, Daddy”, Steph smiled.
“What do you mean, Princess?”, Vince asked innocently. “I would never steal anyone else’s idea and take the credit for myself.”
“I know you wouldn’t, Daddy”, Steph agreed. “Oh by the way, before I forget, Hunter wanted to know about that proposal you had, about bringing back a version of WCW’s War Games… how is that coming along?”
“It’s not War Games… it’s Vince McMahon’s War Games”, Vince said. “And I’m thinking about it. Two rings takes up a lot of extra space.”
“Maybe if we just do it on an episode of RAW or something like that?”, Steph said.
“I’m thinking about it. But enough of that. What about JBL’s movie idea?”, Vince said.
“Well, it’s titled ‘Austin’…”, Steph started to say.
“Austin?”, Vince smiled. “Then we could have Stone Cold as a special guest star. Is there a role for him in the script?”
“I think so”, Steph said as she glanced over the papers in her hands. “Actually, JBL has cast quite a few of our WWE superstars in various roles.”
“That’s because they’re already under contract to us and we can make them work dirt cheap”, Vince smiled. “I like how John is always thinking about the bottom line. What is the basic plot and who would JBL want in the starring roles?”
“It’s about a family living in Austin, TX. The leader of the family is a self-made millionaire, played of course, by JBL. His wife is a hot, young super-model, to be played by Kelly Kelly. His fortunes take a turn for the worst in New York when the stock-market crashes and he’s forced to move back to Texas. His crazy ex-sister-in-law moves in with him and his family. Vickie Guerrero is listed here as the sister-in-law. And she brings her new husband, Santino Marella, as well as her daughter, Melina with her when she shows up. Melina is dating a demon from hell, played by Kane. And Mae Young is cast as JBL’s former mother-in-law, who has also decided to move in with him.”
“So JBL is married to Kelly Kelly and he has his ex-mother in law, Mae Young, as well as his ex-sister in law, Vickie and her extended family, consisting of Santino, Melina and Kane with her. I like it so far.”, Vince smiled.
“And it gets better”, Steph smiled. The household servents are a butler and a maid, played by Justin Gabriel and Heath Slater.”
“Which one is playing the maid”, Vince asked.
“Slater”, Steph said as she glanced at her notes.
“But Heath Slater is a guy?”, Vince questioned.
“Well, JBL says that he looks like the Wendy’s girl. Are you sure that’s a guy?”, Steph asked.
“I’m sure”, Vince said.
“Well, we can pencil in Natayla for the role of the maid. I’ve heard that she likes to dress up in maid outfits. At least that’s what Tyson said.”, Steph remarked.
“She does?”, Vince said with a thoughtful look on his face. He quickly scribbled a note for himself on his desk. “Talk to Natayla about maid outfit! Sexy!”
“Or is it Tyson that dresses up in the maid outfits?”, Steph said. “I can’t remember.”
“Umm… anyone else of note in the possible casting, Princess”, Vince asked.
“Well, we can cast Hunter and Edge as JBL’s brothers, who can have recurring roles as needed. And we can’t forget the whacky neighbor.”
“Of course not”, Vince smiled.
“On one side of JBL’s mansion will be a sports-celebrity, played by John Cena. And on the other side, it’ll be a business rival, played by Alberto Del Rio.”
“I love it so far”, Vince said. “But I can’t approve it. It would tie up too many of our superstars for one project and we need our people for the wrestling events.”
“But Daddy, you really have to read this script he sent. It’s amazing. It has Big Show and Hornswoggle as a gay couple who are attempting to force Vickie to have a love-child for them.”
“Big Show and Hornswoggle as a gay couple?”, Vince smiled.
“And it has Randy Orton making an appearance as a lover of Melina’s…”
“I think Randy is the only man on the WWE roster who isn’t one of Melina’s former lovers”, Vince snorted.
“Well, Hunter has never been with her”, Steph stated with authority.
“If you say so, Steph”, Vince said.
“I know he hasn’t”, Steph said. “I remember how he used to take her for long talks in the limo about her reputation and he counciled her, like a big brother.”
“Long talks… in the limo”, Vince smiled. “Alone for hours at a time.”
“It’s all perfectly innocent, Daddy”, Steph said. “Hunter would never…”
And then Steph stopped talking as something clicked in her brain.
“I’ll kill that lying bastard”, she spit out.
“Calm down, Princess”, Vince said to his daughter. “Hunter didn’t do anything wrong. He was just talking to her and trying to help her. He did the same thing with Ashley and Candice when they were with the company.”
“Ashley and Candice”, Steph screeched. “And when was I going to hear about this?”
“It’s all perfectly innocent”, Vince smiled. “You know that Hunter loves you!”
“Yeah, you’re right daddy”, Steph said as she calmed down. “I’m sure that nothing happened. After all, we’re talking about Hunter here.”
“Anything else about this movie script I should know?”, Vince asked, trying to change the subject.
“There are a few more castings that are interesting”, Steph said as she looked over the papers. “Booker T as a fashion designer. CM Punk as Vickie’s illegitimate son. Michael Cole and Miz as siamese twins. The Undertaker as the town preacher. And Jerry Mathers as the Beaver”
“Wow!”, was all Vince could say.
“So what should I tell JBL, Daddy?”, Steph asked.
“Just tell him that I like the idea and I’ll think about it”, Vince replied. “Will there be anything else?”
“Nope, I think that’s it”, Steph said. “I have to get home now. It’s almost time for Aurora Rose’s French lesson.”
“You’re teaching my grandaughter french?”, Vince asked.
“No, Daddy. Dusty Rhodes is”, Steph smiled.
“He can barely speak english. How can he teach french?”, Vince asked. “Have Maryse look over her lessons to make sure that Dusty is teaching her right.”
“I will, Daddy”, Steph said. “Now I’ve got to run.”
Stephanie gave her daddy a kiss on the cheek and stepped out of the office.
As the door closed, Vince’s eyes lit up and he opened up his desk drawer, pulling out Sting and Kevin Nash action figures. He mimicked the voices as he spoke.
“Kevin, I will never work for VInce. He’s evil”, Vince mouthed for the Sting figure.
“Oh yes, you will”, the Nash action figure seemed to say.
And then Vince slammed the Nash action figure on to the Sting figure, like Nash was power-slamming Sting.
“I’ll do it! I’ll do it!”, Vince mimicked the Sting figure as saying.
“Yeah, you will eventually, Sting”, Vince smiled his evil smile to himself as he set the figures down. “Because I’m Vincent K. McMahon… and I rule the world!”
“Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”, Vince laughed his evil laugh as he leaned back at his desk.
“And now, let me call JBL about that movie idea. But Kane as a demon from hell? That would never work!”…
THE END… (for now)