10 Days Of Dougie – Day 2: Rude Customers, Kool Aid Man & The Real World…

Ten Days Of Dougie – Day 2
Rude Customers, Kool-Aid Man & Real World
September 28, 2017
DougMaynard.com

And here we go again. Day 2 and I’m already beginning to question my committment. Do I eat a Hungry Man TV dinner for lunch, as I’ve been doing, and make that my big meal for the day or do I change up a bit and eat a bowl of soup or cereal for my ealry day meal and save the filling, good stuff for after I get home from work? Decisions suck! But while I’m pondering on that, I can come here to the computer keyboard for a little while and do something that there is no questions about, Day 2 of the “Ten Days of Dougie” series. I’ll get the “Magic Bag” and pick my topics in a moment, but first I would like to send my condolences out to the family and friends of Playboy Magazine founder Hugh Hefner, who passed away yesterday at age 91. For every young boy, even the gay kids like me, Playboy magazine was a part of our youth and coming of age, where we first realized about the joys and wonderment of sex and the beauty of the human body. And we have Hef to thank for that. Plus how many of us have dreamed that ultimate dream of living in a glorious mansion surrounded by nothing but beautiful women? Ok, I never actually had that dream. My tastes lean more towards Mexican pool boys, but it’s still a pretty big deal and cool thing. Hef lived that dream. Kudos to the man. You will be missed, Sir. Rest in Peace.

And now, let’s go get the “Magic Bag” and draw a few topics out from it’s vast and deep opening. The topics for today will be, “Rude Ass Customers”, Kool-Aid Man” and “Real World”. I think I can work with these. Let’s do this…

Rude Customers…

Anyone who has ever worked even a moment with the public or in any form of customer service can relate to this topic. The customer who snaps at the clerk, yells and gets loud, tries to cut in line, has the attitude from hell, throws money and generally acts like Satan’s ex-mother-in-law while having her time of the month. I think Randall, in the movie “Clerks”, said it best. “This job would be great if it wasn’t for the customers!”. But as bad as all of these people are, and they are bad, there is one that is even worse in my opinion. The one kind of customer that grinds my gears the most is the one who is just there and won’t say anything or even acknowledge the person waiting on them and trying to assist them. They step up to the register and just set their merchandise on the counter and just glare at you. You try to make small talk or even just ask them if that’s all for them today or ask how they’re doing and they just stand there and glare. You tell them the costs of their purchase and they hand you the money or more likely, just sit it on the counter and just keep staring straight ahead, that look of contempt and pompous ass in their eyes and on their face, still not saying a word like it’s totally beneath them to even speak to or even be spoken to by a common “clerk”. You finish the transaction and hand them their change. They look at your hands, holding their money and you can just feel the disgust and contempt coming from them as they reach out and reluctantly take their change, still not having said a word or uttered a single sound. If their eyes weren’t burning with hatred and telling you to just hurry it up so they can leave your presence, you may even think they were dead or just stupid. I always go for the “stupid!”. They take their change as you give a final comment, acknowledging their sale and thanking them for their patronage. And they still never say a word, just giving one final look of disgust and contempt as they leave.

These are the most annoying and rude people in the world in my opinion. I can handle being ignored while you’re talking on the phone or to your friends because I know eventually, you’ll have to give me some attention if you want to make your purchase or get your change. At least the loud and annoying ones have a reason to be idiots. They’re on their phone or talking to their friends or something like that. But the quiet Zombies don’t have any reason to be so damn rude except for that they are just being ass-clowns, pure and simple. If confronted with one of these, I’ll just go extra slow and keep talking until they’re forced to either spontaneously combust with anger or else mutter something under their breath in disgusted response. Either way, I win. The bottom line is this. If a clerk or cashier or whoever is trying to be nice to you, at least acknowledge their presence. They don’t want to be there dealing with you any more than you want to be their yourself and if they can suck it up and make the best of it, so can you. It’s a people thing. Come join the human race and be a people. Talk to me willingly or else I’ll make you break eventually, cause that’s how it goes. ‘Nuff said!

Kool Aid Man…

We’ve all seen those commercials for kool aid where the kids are playing and getting sweaty and just being kids as they were before the X-Bx or Playstation was invented and someone complains about being thirsty and they yell, “Hey Kool Aid!”, and then a giant pitcher of kool-aid with a face and arms comes busting through the walls yelling, “Oh yeah!”. It’s a great classic commercial with an awesome visual image, but it always left me wondering a few things. To start off with, Kool Aid Man keeps busting through all of these walls. Who is fixing the walls when he’s through? Is there a special construction company that follows him around and repairs the broken walls at a reduced rate? And how do the kids explain that the living room wall has a ten foot hole in it to their parents? “Well Dad, we were thirsty and a giant jug of kool-aid came busting through the walls…” Dad ain’t gonna believe that crap and Junior is going to get his butt spanked for telling lies. And the cost of repairing that wall? Guess who has to find a summer job working for Mr. Hubert down the street? All because the kids wanted some kool-aid. I like to drink kool-aid as much as the next person, unless it’s at a cult like gathering where the psycho leader is talking about a new beginning and new worlds while encouraging his followers to drink. That kool-aid, I will pass on. But what was I saying? I like kool-aid as much as the next person, but if I have to do construction work and fix giant holes in the wall every time I get thirsty, it’s just not worth it. It needs more sugar anyhow. Give me a Pepsi anytime. So while the whole idea of Kool-Aid man is great in theory, there are too many holes (literally) in the character. He needs to start using the door and quit all of that destruction. Plus, he’s just creepy as hell.  Oh yeah!

Real World…

And finally, we have “Real World”, which I suspect was probably in reference to the MTV reality show which hasn’t been good since Real World 10: San Francisco. What ever happened to Puck? But I’m not writing about that. I’m going to talk briefly about the real “Real World”. It’s where people win and people lose and life isn’t always fair. It’s where for every action, there is a reaction and there are consequences. It’s where people have different view points and opinions and just because you may not like what they say or how they feel, your opinion isn’t any more important than theirs and they have just as much right as you do to have that opinion. It’s where running to “safe spaces” just because your feelings are hurt doesn’t work and you either get over it or not, but that’s your problem and not anyone else. It’s where no one owes you or me anything and nothing is free. If you want something, you work for it and earn it or else you go without. It’s where responsibility and commitment take precedence over everything else and if you’re not good for your word, you’re not good for anything. It’s where you take two steps forward, get knocked three steps back and still continue on. This is the real world and not the foolish land of unicorns, puppies, safe spaces and you can say what you want unless you disagree with me that so many young people seem to want to embrace these days. Delusional fools. Life can be great, but it can also be a bitch at times. Deal with it. No one owes anyone anything and no one is better than anyone else in the overall scheme of things. It’s life. It’s crazy and wild and fun and sad and stupid and emotional and invigorating and depressing and boom boom goes the dynamite. It is what it is.It’s the real world and not some made-up land of make believe. Live it and embrace it, cause it’s either that or be miserable and die. And who really wants to do that? Welcome to the real world.

And there you go. I think that’s all for today. I have errands to run and people to piss off so I’m closing this up here. Comments and thoughts are welcome and appreciated. Let me know what you think and thank you for reading. Like and share this or else I’ll come to your house and spill kool-aid all over your carpet. Back tomorrow with Day 3.

Until then…

Ubuntu!

@00 @ 1 kool aid man meme

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