12 (Dougie) Days Of Christmas – Day 9: Dancing In The Street, Extended Family & The Pina Colada Song…

12 (Dougie) Days Of Christmas – Day 9
Dancing In The Street, Extended Family & The Pina Colada Song…
December 17, 2017

It’s a beautiful Sunday afternoon and I have so many things that I could and should be out there doing. Okay, I’m lying. I have no life and nothing to do. I could watch some football on the TV or maybe go stalk someone on Facebook, but screw the NFL, at least until the playoffs, bunch of kneeling ass commie punks and so far as Facebook goes, a restraining order is just another way to say “I love you!”, right? Hold on for a second. I just thought of something. Be right back.

Okay, I’m back. Did you miss me? I just remembered about a guy I met last night at work who just happens to be my neighbor. I meant to look him up and see if he had a Facebook account last night, but I forgot. Too busy with making meatloaf and watching “Mixed Nuts”. And no, that’s not a transgender porn flick although that would make a great title for one if you think about it. So I went and looked up my new casual associate. I found his father, but not him. Now I’m a sad panda. But I’ll get over it.

As for here and now, I should be going out into the world and trying to get in some “chill time” with my BFF and the mini-me. We haven’t spoken since Friday afternoon if you can believe it. I think that’s a new record for us not talking for the past eight years, at least for the times that we’re getting along and not being bitches and fighting. I’ll text him as soon as I finish this, unless he texts me first. And then I won’t.

It’s time for Day 9 of the “12 (Dougie) Days Of Christmas” blog series. I think I’m running a day behind here. I need an assistant. Or a boyfriend. Maybe both? Anyone interesting in applying? The pay would suck, but then again, so would the boss. Whoa! That was majorly inappropiate and wrong to add that line. I should be ashamed and should edit it out. But the rules for the “Days of Dougie” blogs is that anything goes and no censoring or political correctness allowed. I am so going to be sued one day. Damn you Kevin Spacey and Gloria Allred. Let’s go get the “Magic Bag” and see what the topics for today will be.

We have, “Dancing In The Street”, “the Pina Colada Song” and from the Christmas version of the “Magic Bag”, we have “Extended Family”. Looks like a fun ride is ahead. I’ve been wanting to tackle that damn “PinaColada” song for a while. It’s a great song, but so damn wrong in so many ways. Let’s get to shaking and do this.

Dancing In The Street…

Last time I went dancing in the street, someone called 911 because they thought I was having a seizure. I can not dance. It’s not my fault though. The white gene in my body, which says I have no rhythm is Republican and tends to supress and hold down the gay genes in my body which want to shake their booty and get down like a sea gull in a McDonald’s parking lot. Okay, I don’t get that reference either, but it’ll be okay. I just can’t dance. Not in the streets, not in the clubs, not in the house and not at the high school prom. Actually, I did dance a lot at my high school prom. Myself and my date for the evening, Carolyn, made the front page of the school newspaper while dancing together at the prom. It was a fun night and yes, I had a good time.

But what does all of that have to do with “Dancing In The Street?. That was a good song, originally recorded by Martha and the Vandellas and then covered by the team of David Bowie and Mick Jagger in a special recording and video made for Live Aid. Van Halen has also covered this song. I should record this song. Oh wait, I don’t sing either. No singing and no dancing. I may as well be straight and white. Well, I’m half way there anyhow. Let’s move on to the next topic.

Extended Family…

This one, to me, is very simple to define. It’s the people you meet, as life goes by, that may not be related to you by blood, but are as real and close and as much family in your eyes, mind and heart as any blood kin may be. It’s the people you work with, were raised with, meet at the church or club or even the local convenient store and for whatever reason, the connection is there and it just clicks. They become your brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews or whatever label or title you choose to use and give them. The label doesn’t matter… just the person themselves.

Oh crap, I just realized something. Extended family is your cousins, aunts, uncles, in-laws and the people who ARE related to you in some way, be it by blood or marriage or whatever. If that’s the “extended family”, then what are the people I was talking about in the first paragraph? I know what they are. A true blessing. And nothing more needs to be said because that says it all right there. Moving on…

The Pina Colada Song…

The real name of the song is called “Escape (The Pina Colada Song)” and here are the lyrics. It was written and recorded by Rupert Holmes and was the last #1 song of the 70’s. I’ll add the video too at the site in a “Video Of The Day” post. But for now, the words.

I was tired of my lady, we’d been together too long.
Like a worn-out recording, of a favorite song.
So while she lay there sleeping, I read the paper in bed.
And in the personals column, there was this letter I read:

“If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
If you’re not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
I’m the lady you’ve looked for, write to me, and escape.”

I didn’t think about my lady, I know that sounds kind of mean.
But me and my old lady, had fallen into the same old dull routine.
So I wrote to the paper, took out a personal ad.
And though I’m nobody’s poet, I thought it wasn’t half-bad.

“Yes, I like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
I’m not much into health food, I am into champagne.
I’ve got to meet you by tomorrow noon, and cut through all this red tape.
At a bar called O’Malley’s, where we’ll plan our escape.”

So I waited with high hopes, then she walked in the place.
I knew her smile in an instant, I knew the curve of her face.
It was my own lovely lady, and she said, “Oh, it’s you.”
And we laughed for a moment, and I said, “I never knew”..

“That you liked Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
And the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
You’re the love that I’ve looked for, come with me, and escape.”

“If you like Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.
If you’re not into yoga, if you have half-a-brain.
If you like making love at midnight, in the dunes of the cape.
You’re the love that I’ve looked for, come with me, and escape.”

So read it again, The man is bored with his marriage and checking out the classified ads while she’s laying in the bed next to him. And he comes across an ad and likes it and decides to cheat on his unsuspecting wife. He replies to the ad, goes to meet the woman and guess what? It IS his wife. She’s bored with the marriage too and looking for escape.

This is not good at all. Both the man and wife are looking to cheat on their partner. And what happens when they meet in O’Malley’s? They smile and laugh and compare notes. What the hell? Oh hell no! I find out my partner is placing ads in the paper and looking for some extra side-action, I’m getting pissed off. I’m gonna bust ’em in the face and show my ass. I’m not going to sit there and laugh and say, “I didn’t know you like Pina Colada’s and rain!”. This is so un-real and insane. And the woman, she’s the one who placed the ad in the first place and when caught, just smiles? Are you crazy? Actually, that part I can see because women will do that if they’re busted and caught at something they’re not supposed to do. Smile and act all innocent. Or else go crazy and turn the tables on the man, making him take all the blame for what SHE did. I think that’s one of the reasons I’m happier being gay. Well, that and I like guys. But still, back to my point.

These two are not happy so they both decide to cheat and then, in the end, find out that the person they’re looking for all along was each other. It makes for a great song and a cute story, but realism and true to life, I don’t freakin’ think so. But then again, I’m a wrestling fan so what do I know about real life, right? This song just annoys me, but in a good way. And now, it’s stuck in my head too and I’ll be singing along to it the rest of the day.

And for the questions asked in the song, I don’t much like Pina Coladas. I prefer Bud Light or Jack Daniels. Walking in the rain is awesome and a great feeling, especially with the right person next to you. Love the ocean, but making love in the dunes isn’t good. Ever gotten sand up your crack? Not a pleasant feeling. Making love at midnight is awesome. I need a boyfriend. Or a friend. Or a boy. A FWB. I’ve got benefits if anyone needs a friend. I’m tired of being alone. Maybe an ad in the classified section. It worked for these folks. Oh vey!

And I guess that’s all for today. I’ll post the video for the song at the site, http://www.DougMaynard.com and also on my Facebook and Twitter pages so you can enjoy it and have it playing in your mind as well for a few days. You’re welcome. Thoughts and comments are welcome and appeciated. Add me on Twitter at @doug28352. And I guess that’s all. Have a great one and stay safe. Love you – mean it and if you like Pina Coladas, call me.


@00 1 1 12 Days 2

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