I Tawt I Taw An Idiot!
This is a repost of a blog I did over at MySpace back in July, 2009. It’s a true story of an encounter I had with a very special customer. I just found it while I was over at MySpace looking for old parodies & stories I’ve written – and after re-reading it, I knew I had to share it again. Enjoy!
And remember, this is a true story…lol.
I had an encounter with stupidity last night while at work that pretty much defies description. It brings the term “unobservant” and “idiot” to a whole new level.
Let me start off by explaining exactly where I work – Murphy USA, also known as the “Wal-Mart Gas Station” (even though, in truth, we are not affiliated with Wal-Mart in any manner, to the best of my knowledge). If you go to a Wal-Mart or Super Wal-Mart or Sam’s Club for that matter and see a little metal box surrounded by eight or twelve gas pumps at the far edge of the parking lot, that’s us – Murphy USA. (Or as I generally refer to it – The Hellmouth II because we’re on the fringes of corporate hell.)
So I’m at work and just doing my thing, spreading love and excellent customer service to the masses that are the population of Laurinburg, NC.And a young woman comes up to my window of the kiosk.
The first thing I notice is that she’s dressed pretty trashy and her boobs are hanging out everywhere. Not that it has anything to do with this story, but it was just the first thing that caught my eye. It seems that with the weather getting hotter, I’m seeing more and more exposed flesh every day. And it’s not necessarily the flesh I’m wanting to see. Put some damn clothes on, girlie! Cover those things up. Looks like an outbreak of the mumps. Geez!
And pull your pants up too. I don’t want to see your lacy thong and butt-crack…But where was I?
Oh yeah. She walks up to my kiosk and has this blank expression on her face. And she asks if we sell “gas caps”.
OK, I can answer this one. “Nope!’, I reply.
So she stands there for a second and I can see the words forming in her head – this is taking an effort on her part and it’s scaring me a little bit.
“So do you know anywhere around here where I can find a gas cap for my car?”
OK, a good question. And I can answer this one too. “Sure. How about Wal-Mart?”
And her reply…
“Where’s the Wal-Mart at?”…
Less than 75 yards away, in the same parking lot, is about 4500 square feet of building – and there are about 300 cars sitting in front of it. The entire evil aura of the corporate giant just dominates the whole area. And she doesn’t know where Wal-Mart is? She’s in the freakin’ parking lot and asks me that extremely stupid question. And she’s serious? Oh vey!
I just turn to my left and point at the big store.
She just looks at me with that dazed expression on her face and I can feel my IQ dropping by a dozen points for even attempting to have this conversation.
“It’s right there!”, I say.
She stands there for another minute and then goes, “Oh!” and walks off.
I watched her get into her car and drive off. And I’m thinking to myself, “this person is allowed to have a driver’s license?”.
And I think I saw kids in the car.
“This person is allowed to reproduce?”
And do you know what is really scary? She’s a semi-regular customer. She’s been at my store before. She lives in Laurinburg. I’ve seen her before IN THE WAL-MART!
And her question was…”Where’s the Wal-Mart at?”
Be afraid… be very afraid.