Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions By Casper
Mom, Dad, Ambition & More
September 21, 2021
DougMaynard.com

A man named Casper asks questions. A man named Doug likes to answer them. And that’s why we’re here. It’s Questions By Casper. Let’s do this.

Do you know how to read a map?

Very well and I’ve made several trips in the past using only the folded paper map from the glove compartment. I still prefer it to the GPS crap. Maps are cool and work best, at least for me.

What is the difference between “your” and “you’re”?

An apostrophe and the letter “E”. Also “your” shows possession while “you’re” is an abbreviated version of “you are”.

If we get rid of mom and dad titles, what happens to dad jokes?

There will always be dad jokes or jokes pretending to be dads. Same difference really, but they will always exist.

Is there such a thing as “mom jokes”?

Of course, there is. Who doesn’t remember the “your Mama is so fat” or “your Mama is so ugly?”. Mom jokes crack me up.

Had anyone ever figured out how to write with their finger?

If you use carbon paper or write in sand or pudding, a finger is all you need. Or if you’re an extra-terrestrial. That’ll work too.

What is your greatest ambition?

To be happy, healthy, and have a Mexican pool boy named Jackson.

Where do you see yourself in 2 weeks?

Bitching about work, drinking a beer, complaining about doctors, pissing people off on Facebook and Twitter, and plotting world domination. Same shit as always.

Have you ever had a phantom tickle?

Tickled by a ghost? Damn, that sounds kinky. I’ll say, maybe!

Why does Biden cough so much?

Because when a person is that full of shit, it’s hard to keep it all down and quiet.

Do you want Trump back as President?

That’ll work, but at this point, I’d even prefer Bill Clinton back as President over the clown we currently are said to have. Only Hillary or Kamala could be worse than the current Pedo-In-Cheif. He’s a freaking clown.

Ever look at someone and think, “You were the fastest sperm?”?

Every day when I get to work and see some of the Einsteins we have coming in there. Remind me to tell you about the boy and the hand sanitizer one day.

Does anyone eat plain burgers anymore?

I like a spot of ketchup on mine, but plain burgers are good sometimes too. I won’t turn them down.

Do you ever put empty containers back into the refrigerator?

No, not at all. Not ever. It’s my evil twin that does that. Not me. Not at all.

What is something you’ve borrowed from someone, that you still haven’t returned?

Well, I borrowed the phrase “And dat’ is all de’ people need to know” from legendary pro wrestler Baron Von Raschke a few years ago to use as the closing line to my wrestling columns and I still break it out every so often. And I’ve borrowed a boyfriend or husband a few times from different women, but I always give those back. Use them, abuse them, and send them home. Fewer hassles that way. And I can’t really think of anything else. I’ll circle back on that in a few years and answer again.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome. Until the next time, take care and stay safe. And eat more cheese. Have a great night and I’ll catch you on the flip side.

Ubuntu!