Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions By Casper
Elvis, Smalls, MASH & More
October 9, 2021
DougMaynard.com

On Twitter, there is a man, who shares a name with a friendly ghost, who likes to ask questions. On this site, there is a man who is so bored, he likes to answer those questions. He is Casper. I am Doug. This is “Questions By Casper”. And it all begins right now. Let’s do this.

Do you think Elvis is still alive?

Elvis? No, I think that unfortunately, the King of Rock & Roll did pass away and die on that sad and tragic day back in August 1977. Rest in Peace Elvis. However, Tupac is still alive. And so is Jim Morrison. And that my friends, is the truth.

Have you ever ridden in a Blackhawk?

No, I’m waiting for the Secret Service to show up and ask me about my Twitter comments about Pedo Joe, the Hoe, Drunk Nancy, and Auntie Crazy Pants, and I’ll probably get a ride on a military-style transport then. Okay, more likely an unmarked van, but the same difference really. And why would I ride in a Blackhawk anyhow? It’s not like I’m a member of the Taliban or anything like that, right?

Do you think we will ever be back to normal again?

Define normal. If you mean to where our freedoms and selves are respected and being an independent thinker is cherished, then I would say nope. We’re too far gone and have given up too much to the control of others to ever be totally free again.

Have you ever ridden in a hot air balloon?

My fat ass ain’t leaving the ground. I don’t do high places and especially not in a big old balloon.

What is the most annoying smell ever?

Pot. I don’t care if people smoke because that’s their prerogative, but the smell lingers and is so damn nasty and sickening. It physically makes me ill and I find it repulsive and just downright disgusting.

If you don’t like M.A.S.H., what’s wrong with you?

Don’t ask me. I liked M.A.S.H. Radar was the man! And so was Klinger, kind of. Not many guys could pull off those dresses and outfits.

How is someone who won’t get the jab and/or wear a mask supposed to get work nowadays?

Mandating the jab is unconstitutional and a strong infringement on our rights of personal choice. I’ll never refuse to hire or serve a person just because they do or don’t have the vax and anyone who does is a mindless idiot who has given in and given up. Just do the best they can and stay strong and keep up the fight against the tyranny of our self-proclaimed masters.

Have you ever interviewed an interviewer?

I’m sure that I have, but when and where, I can not remember for sure or say.

What is something you want the world to know about you?

That what you see isn’t always the whole picture. Sometimes it’s worse. But I love you fuckers. Really, I do.

Have you ever gotten a pet for your birthday or Christmas?

No. Pets are not “presents”, but are instead additions to the family and life-altering decisions that need to be weighed carefully before a decision is made. Giving a pet as a present, while a sweet gesture, doesn’t really allow for the seriousness a decision of adoption of a fur-baby requires.

Did you have a favorite stuffed animal growing up?

I have a stuffed spider named Leggs that I bought myself when I was 18. He was just cool. I still have him and he’s still in my bedroom. And he’s still damn cool!

What was the name of your first pet?

The first I remember was a chihuahua named Archie. He was the family pet and I think I was maybe 5 years old. The first of many and a truly awesome dog.

Do you find that what you learned in school has been beneficial in any way?

I learned to write and now I do it every day. I learned basic math, without a calculator, and use those skills every day. I learned to read and comprehend what I have read, a very useful skill that I use often. And I learned to question everything and think independently, something that definitely is frowned upon in today’s society. I use those skills quite often as well.

Did you experiment in college?

I did a lot of experimenting in college. I wasn’t actually a student there, but I was the cool townie and met some amazing people and well, shit happens right?

Do fantasies ever really go away?

Some fade away and others never do. It depends on the nature of the fantasy, how reality affects that fantasy, and how drunk I can get the young college guy with the gleam in his eye.

What is something you really should talk to your doctor about?

What the future holds and the changes that I will be having to make in my life, my being, and my very existence. We’ll be talking Tuesday morning and making the arrangements to do what has to be done.

Are you descended from anyone famous?

I don’t know or really care all that much. I’m famous, well more infamous actually, but I have a name in the internet wrestling community and among the cool people of Scotland County/Laurinburg. I’m satisfied.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Go check out Casper at @Ghostly_Host. Add, enjoy, and share. Take care and stay well. I’ll see you on the other side.

Ubuntu!