Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day Of Dougie:
The Big Reveal
October 13, 2021
DougMaynard.com

Greetings, salutations, and all that shit. Welcome to a very special edition of A Day Of Dougie. Yeppers, my friends. Just pretend you’re a kid again and watching one of those afternoon specials. Or maybe an episode of Different Strokes where Arnold’s goldfish dies and Mrs. Garrett cooks it up as part of a recipe she found in Woman’s Home Journal. Yeah, I went there. Whatchu talking about Dougie? Mrs. Garrett was cool in the movie “Hair”. Go watch her dance on a table with Treat Williams. She rocks. But on that show, she got on my damn nerves. It’s true. It’s damn true.

But that’s not important right now. It’s time to just write, ramble, and unleash the fury that rages inside. Or I might just talk about Eskimo kisses and donuts. Maybe both. You’ll just have to stick around and see for yourself.

By the way, my Twitter account has not been erased, hacked, or removed. I keep waiting for the ban-hammer from the Twit-police anytime now for called Perez Hilton a flamingo, but my account is still there and I can tweet on it, unlike some crazy old racists who forgot their meds a few days ago and did a tweet raising hell about how their Twitter account had been removed and hacked. But they were tweeting on it to tell us this. And this bat-shit crazy old bat is a political leader and top official in the Democratic party. Explains a lot, doesn’t it?

But enough about her. I’ve got a major announcement to make and then I’ll do the usual “Magic Bag” thing and write about whatever random topics happen to come up. So first, the announcement.

I will be taking a brief sabbatical from the site for a few weeks coming the middle of next week. I’m having medical issues and will be in the hospital having my right foot removed. Yes, you read that correctly. We’ve been fighting this for nearly a year and the infection inside my foot isn’t getting better. The Charcot that I deal with in both feet has caused the bones to weaken and splinter and fracture and it’s been a struggle that I’m tired of fighting. It’s come down to my alternatives being to either have the foot removed, or else live in pain, wait for the infection to break off and spread into my bloodstream, and die. And that’s something I don’t think I want to do. So next week, I’ll be going into the hospital, most likely on Tuesday, have the surgery on Wednesday, and then as soon as we’re able, be fitted for a prosthetic. I’ve spoken to several doctors and the prognosis is most likely I should be down and out for 6-8 weeks to allow the leg to heel after the amputation, just below the knee, and then I should be doing the rehab, be back on my feet (literally) and finally, be pain-free or at least a whole lot better off than I am now.

No, I”m not happy about all of this. I’ve been fighting this decision for a while, but now that I finally have decided to just do it, I feel so much more at ease like a load has been lifted from my shoulders. I’m scared as hell. I’ll admit that. I’m losing a part of my body and my life will be changing forever, but at least I will still have a life and a future. Better than being dead, right? I still have way too many people to annoy and way too many topics left to write about to go this soon. So guess what? Y’all are stuck with me for a long time to come. I might not be quite as mobile, at least not until I get the hang of the fake foot stuff, but I’m going to be here. And how hard can it be? After all, we’ve gotten used to having a fake President pretty quickly, right?

So anyhow, that’s my big news. Well, that and I’m getting married. I don’t know who the lucky guy will be yet, but I was thinking about it, and on my 65th birthday, which will be July 3, 2031, I’m getting married so mark your calendars. Now I just gotta find me a guy. Oy vey! Now, what was I saying?

It’s a rough time in my little world, but a man has to do what a man has to do and damn it all, let’s do it. I’m not happy about all of this and I’m sure I’ll have plenty of days of depression, moodiness, tears, and just being a total bitch to come as the time approaches, but I’m at peace with this decision. It’s what I have to do.

And with that, I’m going to call it a day. I need to go brush my teeth and then it’s out to chill with my ever-so-awesome bro-son for a bit. Thanks to everyone for reading and understanding why I’ve been such a pinhead over the past year or so, even more than usual. It’s been a rough journey, but it’s time to switch rides and see what the future holds, even if it does mean walking with a fake foot for a few years. Any comments, thoughts, or questions are welcome. As for the Magic Bag and any other topics, I’ll probably try and do something later tonight. I love you Peeps and thank you for everything. I know I’m not alone and that helps… a lot. I’ll talk to you later.

Ubuntu!