Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day Of Dougie
Band-Aid, Tips & Creek Liquor
November 4, 2021
DougMaynard.com

So, it’s Thursday afternoon and you know what that means? All it means for me today is that, in a couple of hours from now, I’m going to see the Wizard. No wait, that was my trip to Oz last year. I’m going to the doctor’s office in what will be my first trip out of the house since coming home from the hospital ten days ago. I’m so sick of this house and these four walls, a visit to the man who put me in this predicament is exciting. One of my biggest fears, when I made the decision to not die and go through with this procedure, was that I’d end up essentially as a prisoner in my own house. My fears were not unfounded. But I’m looking for ways to get past the restraints “for my own good” that I’m being forced to endure and I will, one day soon, be saying those infamous words, “free at last, free at last, thank God almighty I’m free at last!”.

Actually, I just need a good therapist to come and give me a good massage. Preferably one that stands about 5’10, around 160 lbs, plays the drums and guitar and is just a sexy-ass beast. Damn, he’s straight though. Oops! So how about Mr. Right Now. Hey guys, come see me and help me recover. You’ll be glad you did. Lots of fringe benefits. Message me.

Okay, that’s enough of the rambling. Let’s do a “Days Of Dougie” piece. As you may recall, even though it’s been a while, this is where I reach into the Infamous Magic Bag and pull out some topics. It’s totally random and I have no idea what the topics will be, but it’s just pulling out a piece of paper from the bag, reading the topic listed, and then writing. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s not, and sometimes you feel like a nut, but it’s always fun. So are you ready? I’ve got the bag and the topics for discussion today are Band-Aid (Do They Know It’s Christmas), Creek Liquor, and Tips. Okay, and now we have topics. Let’s get busy or as Al Bundy would say, “Let’s Rock!”.

Creek Liquor…

Some call it creek liquor. Some call it Mt. Dew. And some call it moonshine. And me, I call it kerosene for humans and a great way to get totally shit-faced quickly. Take away the oversight and processing and safety standards. Who needs that crap. Just build a still, get some mason jars, and do it the old-fashioned way, homemade and actually kind of illegal. The good stuff is anyhow. You can go to the liquor store and buy moonshine, but it isn’t quite the same. Believe me, I know.

When I think of creek liquor, I think of an old friend of my step-dads who used to come by every so often and bring Raymond some mason jars filled with a clear liquid that the smell alone could peel the paint off the living room walls. And my friends and I, being teenagers and unable to get our own adult beverages, would “borrow” these jars, drink heartily, get very drunk, get very sick, and just have a damn good time of it. Talk about those were the days. They most definitely were.

And then a few years later, I ended up working at the liquor store and for a couple of years, there was an older gentleman who would sometimes bring jars of his attempts to make his own moonshine, and he would give each of us at the store a sample of his witches brew. Talk about being strong and taking your breath away. It most certainly did. It was like drinking a mixture of kerosene, gasoline, stump water, and a bit of fruit mixed in for texture and flavor, but damn if it wasn’t kind of good, especially with a beer or ten as chasers. For me, that’s what I remember and think about when I hear the term “creek liquor”. Well, that and going down to the creek and putting away a bottle of Jack with some friends. Totally different, but the same results in the end. And there you go. Now watch/listen to George Jones do this song about a famous creek liquor known as White Lightning. And then, let’s move on to the next topic.

Band-Aid (Do They Know It’s Christmas)…

Back in 1984, on the heels of the very successful We Are The World single, a group of singers over in Europe, led by Bob Geldof of the Boomtown Rats, did their own song to raise money for famine relief. Singers like Sting, Bono, George Michael, Duran Duran, Boy George, and so many others did a song with a Christmas theme. And damn, it’s good. It’s too early, for my tastes anyhow, to start playing Christmas music, but this song is pretty special to my heart and it was for a good cause so here you go. And yes, there was a Bowie sighting. Yay!

And finally.

Tips…

I know that most people when they hear the word tip, are thinking about the money left on the table after a meal, an extra piece of gratitude in exchange for good service and a job well done. But the first thing for me that came to mind is slightly different. I think of a guy, being all sweet and loving, whispering in the ear, “just the tip baby!”. Well, I have news for you. It’s not just the tip. He lies, Maybe it’s just a gay thing? Who knows? But damn, what memories this brings. That’s a story for another day. Don’t forget to tip your servers, waiters, and waitresses. And if you’re a cute guy who fits the description I noted above, come tip me. I really need to get out of this house and get some good physical therapy. And that’s the truth.

And that’s where I’m going to end this. My thanks for reading. Any comments, thoughts, or questions about anything you’ve read here or anything at all in general, just give me a shout, and let’s talk. Until the next time, my friends, take care of yourself and be good. And if you’re having a bad day, just make it better by making it a Day of Dougie. It works. Believe that! I’ll see you at the bar. Take care.

Ubuntu!