Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions By Kelly
Movies, Jobs & Much More
April 16, 2022
In a world that’s full of questions, every so often I’ll take the time and answer a few of them. These come from a lovely person named Kelly (@kelly_ques) on Twitter. Go check her out and give her a follow. You’ll be glad you did. And now, let’s answer some questions.
Who would you get to play you in the movie of your life?
Who would I get? Zac Efron. Of course, I look nothing like Zac Efron, but with movies, a little creative freedom is always allowable, right? If someone else did the casting, it’d probably be Jack Black playing the role of me, if I’m lucky, but I would prefer Efron, just to be able to watch him do the Dougie.
What’s the weirdest job that you think you would be really good at?
An online wrestling reviewer for some low-budget website. Just pay me and allow me to promote my own site and stuff and I’ll make some magic happen.
How long do you think you would last in a survivor-man type situation?
I’d be dead within fifteen minutes after falling off the boat. Back in the day, I’d do pretty well and be a contender, but these days, myself and war games are not very compatible. I’d just rather shoot ’em and be done with it.
If you had to choose between always being naked or having your thoughts appear above your head in a thought bubble, what would you choose?
Get used to seeing some fat, naked man-flesh, my friends. If my thoughts were that transparent, I’d have no friends, no family, and someone would shoot, slap, or try to inflict serious pain upon me almost constantly. That would not be good. I’d prefer to just do a show and tell instead.
Do you ever participate in the local cultural stuff your city has to offer?
Participating means socializing and being interactive with other people. Do you realize who you’re asking? Dougie don’t play that unless they’re really cute or have a nice butt. I’ll say no.
Finish this sentence: Before I go to sleep I think of _.
Anything and everything that I’ve ever said, done, or experienced in my life and how it “should have been different”.
Would you rather go into the past and meet your ancestors or go into the future and meet your great-great-grandchildren?
Well, I have no kids so the Maynard bloodline ends with me, at least this particular lineage of it. So no future, but the past, and talking to those who came before, that’d be the way I’d go.
If you could change the end to any movie, what would you choose?
I’d change the ending to Rebel Without A Cause. Plato died! Why the hell did Plato die? I get it that it had a dramatic effect and was a classic and memorable ending that made sense, but I liked Plato. Watching Sal Mineo die made my allergies act up and it made me sad. Hell, shoot Judy instead. She was annoying and got on my nerves with her obvious fakeness and whiney-ass self.
What’s your favorite kind of tree?
A big one, with a house in it. Maybe a few monkeys hanging around too. Just think Swiss Family Robinson or maybe George of the Jungle and the trees that are there, and hold up the houses, that’s the trees that I like.
And there you go. My thanks for reading and to Kelly (@kelly_ques) for the questions. Thoughts, comments, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Until the next time, take care and be good. I’ll see you in the treehouse.