Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day Of Dougie:
I Wrote A Song About It: Current Events
June 3, 2022
DougMaynard.com

So I was watching a few clips from the television show, In Living Color. And I was inspired by this guy, Calhoun Tubbs.

And keeping that in mind, enjoy the rest of the column.

So many things are running through my mind tonight? I wrote a song about it. Wanna hear it? Here it goes.

Amber pooped on Johnny Depp’s bed. Now her life is in the shitter! Oh yeah!

And that’s not the only thing that is dominating the inner workings of my brain. There’s something else. I wrote a song about it. Wanna hear it? Here it goes.

Can’t get married by Elvis in Vegas no more. Gonna have to settle for Pauly Shore. Oh yeah!

Yes, it’s true. The Las Vegas Wedding places are not allowed to use Elvis impersonators to perform marriage ceremonies anymore. I guess the people who own Elvis’s estate got all shook up, with their suspicious minds, and if you wear the blue suede shoes while proclaiming to love me tender, you’ll end up doing the jailhouse rock!

And there is so much more catching my attention, like the gas situation. Yeah, it’s crazy. I wrote a song about it. Wanna hear it? Here it goes.

Brandon raised gas prices to over $8 a gallon. We need to carpool his ass to the old people’s home. Oh yeah!

And Hunter Biden? Brandon’s son. His laptop has been verified and found to be the real deal. And guess what I did? I wrote a song about it. Wanna hear it? Here it goes.

Hunter smokes the crack and deals in the big guy. He likes that sister-in-law freaky porn and cheap hookers. Oh yeah!

Life is just crazy, but at least I still have my pro wrestling to watch and enjoy. It’s a good distraction. So good, I wrote a song about it. Wanna hear it? Here it goes.

Punk’s the champ, but MJF drops the pipe bomb. Acknowledge Roman or you’ll be hanging with Apollo Crews in catering eating chicken salad. Oh yeah!

I’m still waiting on my disability to go through and the money is getting tight. I wish I could just go back to the ABC and back to work. I wrote a song about it. Wanna hear it? Here it goes.

Can’t sell liquor cause I ain’t got no leg. That means I ain’t got no money. Gonna be working the street corner soon. Oh yeah!

Oh yeah, today was officially the start of Gay Pride Month. And guess what? I wrote a song about it. Wanna hear it? Here we go.

I like guys, but why do we need a month? Just live your life and be happy. These crazy-ass faggots are getting on my nerves. I might be gay, but I ain’t part of their bullshit! Oh yeah!

Yes, that one should get me some hateful comments and letters, no doubt. Get over it though. Do you remember the old Chris Rock routine about black people and nggers. Yes, I used the abbreviated spelling because I don’t want anyone to call me racist. But listen to that and substitute the words black and nggers with gay and faggots. (I can say that word because I’m gay, aka a faggot. It’s allowed. It’s in the book.) To paraphrase Mr. Rock, I love me some gay people, but I hate me some faggots! I’ve been having intimate encounters with other men for 43 years, but it doesn’t mean I have to go take out a TV ad every time I get a dude nude. It doesn’t mean I have to talk about butt-sex to kids or dress in a pink tutu over a suit of leather. At least not in public. And it doesn’t mean I can force my thoughts or opinions down other people’s throats. I prefer to have them forced down mine. Well, not the opinions, but you know lol.

And here’s the Chris Rock routine I spoke of. Enjoy.

This is turning into a rant so my apologies for that. But I’ll suffice it to say that my sexual preference doesn’t define who I am. I like guys, but I also like wrestling, country music, beer, Donald Trump, bad horror flicks, and making fun of stupid people online. I try to focus on the big picture instead of entitlement and single-issue ideas or concepts. I’m an emo-homo-redneck and proud, if I must have a label. I prefer to be just me though.

And I’ll close this up by explaining it all as best I can with, guess what? A song. Yes, I wrote a song about it. Wanna hear it? Here it goes.

I ain’t got nothing to prove to you or anyone else. Just take me as I am and enjoy the ride. Where the beer? Oh yeah!

And with that, I’m wrapping this up. Comments, thoughts, or any questions are welcome and appreciated. Yeah, even for this one. I don’t know how much longer the site will be up, but hopefully, I’ll be able to keep it going. Until the next time, take care. See ya!

Ubuntu!