Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day Of Dougie
Shower Thoughts About Making A Movie
March 31, 2023
DougMaynard.com

I had an idea. I want to talk about it. It looks as if it’s time for a Day of Dougie. Enjoy!

Have you ever been in the shower, getting all lathered up, singing Sinatra songs, and being all focused on getting clean when the strangest thought just pops into your head? Of course, you have. I know I’m not the only one. Well, just a few minutes ago, I was doing all of that and suddenly, I heard the song from Revenge of the Nerds pop up in my mind. That’s not unusual as I watched the movie a few days ago and it’s one of my all-time favorites.

But then, for who knows what reason, the scenes and sounds from the Nerd movie that was playing in my head changed to the antics and craziness that was Police Academy. I loved those movies too and in fact, own the entire series on DVD. More classic 80s goodness. But then, and here is where it gets weird, I started wondering, what if the people from Revenge of the Nerds got together with the creators of the Police Academy movies and they did a movie together? I realize that the majority of the original casts of both movies are either old or dead and the writers/creators have probably all long passed as well. Just imagine the best parts and characters from both movies and their antics but in 2023. Damn, heads would explode.

Just imagine the possibilities. Lamar at the Blue Oyster Bar. Ogre at the Blue Oyster Bar. Callahan and Jones deal with the students of Adams College. So many things could happen and none of it would be politically correct or go over in today’s world and it would be awesome. And the more I’m thinking about it, the more awesome it sounds, in my mind anyhow.

Just picture this. Lewis Skolnick and Gilbert Lowe, the co-deans of Adams College invite senior police officers Callahan, Zed, and Jones from the local Police Academy to come speak at their college. Former nerds Ogre, Lamar, Betty, Booger, Poindexter, and Toshiro all work at the College in some capacity. And of course when Callahan, Zed, and Jones show up to do their presentation, Mahoney, Procter, Sweetchuck, and a few others all tag along as well. Throw in the Coach (John Goodman), Stan (Ted McGinley), and Captain Harris to cause issues and thwart their long-time rivals, and a student protest of some sort and let the chaos begin.

Just think about about. I can see the smile forming on your face at the potential of such a movie project. Well, unless you’re a woken snowflake and then I can see the scowl and tears as you’re getting ready to run to your safe space. Think of all the political incorrectness. Think of all the stereotypes and low-brow humor. Think of all the people this would piss off. Think of all the money that could be made.

I wish I was a better screenwriter/story guy because there is something here. Maybe it’s just the frustrated dreams of an old, fat white man with one leg who is sick of all the politically correct, aka boring as hell, movies being made these days and forced upon us when all we need are dick and fart jokes, stereotypes being beaten into the ground, lots of boobies and gratuitous sex scenes that have no purpose, but are always so much fun. We need the 80s back and this would be a great way to get it started and do just that.

Oh yeah, and before I forget, we need a cameo by Butt Naked Man and a scene where a dog is running down the beach with a dildo in his mouth, being chased by a one-legged man, yelling at him to stop. Yeah, I know. Just indulge me, will you? Me and a very talented, intelligent, and dare I say sexy, but straight, damn it, a friend came up with a scene kind of like that 26 years ago for any potential future movie, and well, I still remember and yes, it would be funny. Sick, but funny.

Now, what was I saying? Oh yeah, before everyone is dead, this movie needs to be made. I even have a title. Police Academy: The Nerds Strike Back! Okay, it’s not a great title, but it’s a start. I think I need to take a road trip up to Connecticut and visit a friend for a couple of weeks. We could make it happen. We’d probably be sued, blackballed, boycotted, and have Trannys following us around as a result, but we could do it. Let me think about that. Hmmm.

And anyhow, that’s my dream, and admit it. Now, you’re thinking about it too. Combine the casts, make a great movie, and even throw in a few characters from Porkys too just to make it perfect. I had a dream and this is now it.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome. Would this movie work in today’s woken environment? Probably not, but damn, it would be fun. Let me know what you think. And that being said, take care and I’ll catch you later on the other side. Love you, mean it.

Ubuntu!