Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #28
Random Twitter Q&A
March 31, 2023
DougMaynard.com

In a world full of questions, it’s always fun to reply with an answer or two. I used to do a regular piece called “Questions By Casper”, but alas, Casper has gone MIA. But others have stepped up to fill the void. Just random questions from my Twitter friends. Are you ready? Let’s go.

What’s a song by James Taylor that you like?

The first thing I remember from James Taylor, apart from the You Got A Friend song, was a duet that he did with George Jones called Bartender Blues. It’s an awesome song and here it is, right here.

What’s a relationship deal-breaker according to you?

If a person lies to me, steals from me, or is of the female persuasion and wants more than just friendship, then it’s time to say “Bye Felica!”.

What’s a great song that features talking, rather than singing, at some point?

The one that comes to mind for me is a classic from the late 70s, I’ve Never Been To Me, by Charlene. It’s a beautiful song that brings back a lot of memories. Here you go.

Have you ever worked more than 40 hours a week?

I’ve worked in retail since I was sixteen years old and was a store manager for two years. For the vast majority of my working history, a 40-hour work week was just a figment of our imagination. Most weeks were between 45-50 hours per week and those were the good ones.

Which Actor instantly ruins a movie for you?

I used to be a fan of Bette Midler, but as she’s exposed herself for the piece of garbage that she truly is, my thoughts and opinion of her have changed. Just seeing that face or hearing that name makes me want to throw up.

Would you rather give up using a phone or tablet forever or give up having any salt in food?

I’m a white boy so the flavor is not important and tasteless food is a way of life. I’ll pass up on the salt.

Without revealing your age or using numbers, how old are you?

I came out the same year as the Batman TV series starring Adam West and Burt Ward.

What’s the most impressive thing you’ve ever crafted?

Looking back at over 5000 written pieces, over 80 stories on FacFiction.net, numerous published Letters To The Editor, and so many other things, the most impressive thing that I’ve crafted is the illusion to the world at large that I give a damn. Yeah, I do, but not quite as much as everyone seems to believe. As I get older, the fucks I give shrink and grow less and less.

How should we punish pedophiles?

A slow and painful death. ‘Nuff said!

Do you drink soda? Do you feel it is good to drink?

It’s probably not very good for me, but I love my Mt. Dew Zero.

Yellow or white cheese on your burgers?

Yellow (orange) cheese. That white cheese tastes okay, but it just doesn’t look right.

What surprises do you like the most?

A naked man showing up in my bed at night, a tap at the window by a certain person on occasion, or someone giving me cash. All of those are pretty cool to me.

What’s the best way to get rid of a dog’s funk face?

Give him treats or some beef jerky. That’s all they want anyhow.

What’s the proper way to eat triangle-cut pizza?

Put the pointy end in your mouth, bite down, and chew. Repeat the process until the pizza is gone.

What dinosaur would be fun to ride?

A triceratops would be awesome to ride around on. I’d call him Chunky. It would be so much fun to have him charge people and chase cars.

And there you go. Another one is in the books. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. And with that, it’s time to wrap this up. Be good and stay safe, my friends. I’ll see you in the funny papers. Bye!

Ubuntu!