Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #32
Random Twitter Q&A
April 4, 2023
DougMaynard.com

In a world full of questions, it’s always fun to reply with an answer or two. I used to do a regular piece called “Questions By Casper”, but alas, Casper has gone MIA. But others have stepped up to fill the void. Just random questions from my Twitter friends. Are you ready? Let’s go.

What’s your favorite song that has the word ‘baby’ in the lyrics?

My first two thoughts were “Santa Baby” by Eartha Kitt and “Baby, It’s Cold Outside” by Dean Martin and every female in the music industry, but then I had another song pop into my head. By none other than the Chairman of the Board, Mr. Frank Sinatra, how about this song right here? It’s “One For My Baby (And One More For The Road).

If you had a warning label, what would it say?

Beware of Doug. Either that or Do Not Feed The Animal.

Eggs or Pancakes?

Eggs for the daily breakfast meal, but pancakes for the special moments and meals.

Would you rather move in with your elderly parents or hard-partying roommates?

I do share a home with my elderly parent (she’s 86), and she drives me crazy sometimes, but I can’t leave her alone and abandon her and we make it work, for the most part. My hard-partying days are long gone and that lifestyle wouldn’t work for me anymore so no hard partying allowed in my home, unless the guys are cute, from the college, and have those great eyes and butts that I can lovingly gaze at all night. They are welcome, but then they have to go home. I’ll stick with the parental roomie instead.

What’s your favorite thing you’ve done in the last 24 hours?

The short adventure after work when my BFF and I did the Walmart thing. I hate Walmart, but it was an opportunity to chill with my bro for a few minutes and that’s always a good thing.

What embarrassing moment has stuck with you over the past few years?

I don’t remember any. Embarrassing moments are immediately removed from my memory and gone forever, as they should be. Okay, maybe that time with Danny & James, but I was drunk so that doesn’t count.

If you had to describe yourself as an animal, which animal would it be?

According to the Urban Dictionary, I would be classified as a bear, but that’s not me. Maybe a Care Bear, but not the mean & grumpy man-eating bear type that steals picnic baskets. Hmmm. Mean, grumpy, and man-eating? Maybe I am a bear after all. But I’m delusional and would prefer to refer to myself as an otter. Look it up. It’s me… thirty-five years ago. Okay, let’s go with the bear.

Finish this sentence:
I am awesome because _.

Just because I am. I can’t help it. It’s not my fault!

What’s that one thing that can instantly make your day?

A few minutes that are spent with my bro and the family. I love my bro, my sis-in-law, and the kids. They are… wait for it… AWESOME!

Have you ever sent an apology text?

Usually, after a night of getting intoxicated, a few apology tweets are required for messages to my sexy-ass friends and other assorted gentlemen who I know through social media. The offers still stand, but I may have been a little crude and explicit. My bad!

Would you rather read your mother’s teenage diary or read your teenage diary to your mother (if you didn’t keep a diary, just imagine what kind of embarrassing things you would have written)?

I’d rather read my Mom’s diary. My journals from my younger days should never be read by anyone… ever.

Have you ever broken up with a friend, and why?

If a “friend” lies to me, uses me, steals from me, or disrespects me, then they’re not a friend and they have to go.

Would you rather get rich in a way that disappoints your family or just make enough money to live?

I have disappointed my family so many times over the years, what’s one more time? Give me that money.

What song best sums you up?

It’s hard to pick just one song, but I think this classic by Willie and Waylon works pretty well in describing me, so here you go.

What hobbies did you pick up when you were young that you still enjoy?

Reading, writing, comic books, getting spanked, my love of pro wrestling, etc.

And there you go with another edition of Questions (Not) By Casper in the books. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. And with that, it’s time to wrap things up. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you in the funny papers.

Ubuntu!