Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #50
Random Twitter Q&A
April 20, 2023
DougMaynard.com

Once upon a time, there was a man named Casper who lived on Twitter and asked lots of great questions. He asked and I would answer, thus Questions By Casper was born. But then one day, he vanished and I had to find another source for my Q&As. Well, Twitter stepped up and now provides me with lots of random questions. It’s not Casper anymore, but it’s still lots of great fun. Now it’s Questions (Not) By Casper. And it all starts right now. Let’s go.

What are your dream wedding and honeymoon destinations?

Do I even have dreams anymore about getting married or going on a Honeymoon? At this age, let’s be serious and unless I start drinking heavily again and have a blackout month or so, I’ll probably never have the experience of saying, “I do!”, especially when half the guys on the guest list would be chuckling and saying, “He already did!”. But if by some chance I do end up one day meeting Mr. Right and not scaring him off, I’d like the wedding to be at the beach or by a lake, maybe at the local college, St. Andrews University. And as for the honeymoon, Wrestlemania! ‘Nuff said!

Who would win in a fight? Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote or Sylvester and Tweety?

I think Wile E. Coyote could take out Sylvester. He is a genius after all. And Road Runner could probably take out that annoying ass little Tweety Bird. Tweety has always gotten on my last nerve and I’d love to see Sylvester finally get a chance to shake & bake his tattle-telling bird self. What would probably happen though is that halfway through the fight, we’d see Sylvester and Wile E. form an alliance and turn on their partners. Road Runner and Tweety would be caught off guard and get taken down. Then Wile E. Coyote and Sylvester would both finally get the great meals they’d been after for so very long.

When you see/hear that someone has been arrested, do you assume that person is guilty or do you really believe innocent until proven guilty?

It depends. If it’s a political person and the DOJ is the one pressing charges, I know in my heart that it’s a setup and a load of garbage. But if it’s something in the local newspaper. more often than not, I know that the person being charged is guilty as heck.

Is there anything in pop culture that everyone loves but you don’t and you just go along with it to fit in?

I don’t like many things, but I don’t play along because something is popular. I’m old, opinionated, and think that most modern-day and current stuff sucks! And pull your pants up, turn that music down, and get off my lawn.

Do you know what a “Jag-Off” is?

I know what it sounds like and that’s what I’m guessing it might be, but I honestly have no idea. So let’s google it. The definition I’ve found is this:(chiefly in western Pennsylvania) a stupid, irritating, or contemptible person. So essentially, it’s just a dumb-ass. The more you know.

Thoughts on cock-fighting?

When I first heard this term, I was like hell yeah, and wanted to know where to sign up, but then I grew up and even though my 12-year-old sense of humor still snickers when I see someone talking about cock-fighting, I know it’s a shitty thing and anyone who condones or participates in this mindless torture and slaughter of chickens and roosters needs to be bitch-slapped repeatedly. It’s cruel and disgusting, and I have no use for it or anyone who does.

Have you ever had to cut off contact with a family member?

I have on a few occasions and I probably will again at some point. Just because someone and I are related by blood doesn’t mean I’m going to overlook bad behavior or indulge in someone’s every selfish demand. If you’re not a positive factor in my life, blood or not, I don’t need or want you. I will tolerate a lot, probably more than most, but even I have a breaking point and when it comes time to cut the ties, just remember that most likely, you handed me the scissors.

What would you like to be known or remembered for?

For being a good guy with a good heart and a twisted sense of humor and way of being. My writing and love of wrestling/comics too, but mainly just for being a pretty decent egg.

Why haven’t we had a new Covid variant?

It’s not time for the elections yet. Don’t worry though. It’s coming.

What’s your ultimate midnight snack?

Your boyfriend. He’s finger-licking good. Okay, I’m kidding. He’s not that good. Let’s go with BBQ Chicken Nuggets. Those things are tasty. Sausage and eggs are pretty good too.

Where was the energizer bunny’s battery?

Stuffed up his bunny hole, I guess. Hell, I don’t know.

Who’s the sexiest man on the planet?

Me of course. I am and have always been a sexy beast. Just ask your boyfriend. He may be a straight boy, but even he knows. But if you want me to name someone else, let’s go with the St. Andrews University Football Team. Which one? All of them. I’d play wide receiver for those guys anytime. Woof!

How do you feel about Lima beans?

They are foul, creepy, and disgusting. They ruin any meal or soup they’re a part of. I’m not a fan. Bleh! Just bleh!

Would you rather be married to a Flintstone or Rubble spouse?

A Flintstone would be either Wilma or Fred. Nah, they’re not my type. The Rubbles, Betty and Barney, would be more fun. I think that they’re probably a couple of freaks. I’d go with one of them instead.

What would you name your horse?

I sure as hell wouldn’t ride him through the desert for several days and not give him a name. That was what they did in the song and it always irritated the hell out of me. Name that horse already. Damn, pinheads! As for myself and my horse, I would give him a name, but it would take a while to come up with the proper name. I’d have to get to know him and his personality and find a proper name that suits him and that he’s comfortable with. Or if that’s not possible and I just have to come up with a horse name immediately, I’d call him Eggbert.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, or any questions you might have about anything at all are welcome and appreciated. Talk to me, my peeps. And with that, it’s time to close things up for a while. I think I’m going to go start watching Yellowstone. I promised my bro that I would. Take care and be well, my friends. I’ll see you on the funny pages.

Ubuntu!