Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #57
Random Twitter Q&A
April 27, 2023
DougMaynard.com

Once upon a time, there was a man named Casper who lived on Twitter and asked lots of great questions. He asked and I would answer, thus Questions By Casper was born. But then one day, he vanished and I had to find another source for my Q&As. Well, Twitter stepped up and now provides me with lots of random questions. It’s not Casper anymore, but it’s still lots of great fun. Now it’s Questions (Not) By Casper. And it all starts right now. Let’s go.

Who is the greatest Bus Driver of all time?

My first thought was Mr. Conductor, played by Ringo Starr on the old PBS series, but then I remembered he drove a train and not a bus. So let’s travel to South Park for the answer. “Sit down and shut up!” “Yes, Miss Crabtree!”

What is your favorite kind of cake?

Does anyone really have a favorite cake? I like all of them. But of course, I’m a fat guy with diabetes so that’s to be expected. A specific kind of cake though? Let’s go with a birthday cake. Not mine of course since I don’t care much for celebrating birthdays, but when it comes to munching out, I’m there.

Who is the greatest Frank of all time?

The man who told us all, “Don’t dream it! Be it!”, the only cross-dresser that everyone should love and enjoy, the sweet transvestite from Transylvania, the man who makes me want to wear fishnet pantyhose (true story), Dr. Frank N Furter.

Would you rather be completely invisible for one day or be able to fly for one day?

I can see opportunities for shenanigans with both abilities, but if I was flying around, the local population would probably mistake me for a Chinese Weather Balloon and shoot my fat ass down. Let’s go with invisibility instead.

Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

More like chunk-a-dunk, but yes, it has happened once or twice.

What’s the correct number of pillows and blankets?

I have seven pillows currently on my bed, plus a cat, and that seems to work out quite nicely so let’s go with that. And one good cover to wrap up in like a human-sized burrito. That works well too.

Which pop culture character would you want as your partner in a survival situation?

Batman. Always go with Batman.

What’s the funniest thing you’ve ever gotten drunk from?

I don’t know if it’s the funniest or not, but I do remember a night where there was PJ, beer, and I think a bottle or two of champagne. And yes, I did partake in all of that and I was shit-faced wasted. I didn’t die, obviously, but there were repercussions of a depraved nature that I was told of later, and well, I don’t care what the witnesses say, I deny everything. But damn, it was a wild night.

What is the greatest TV show to watch music videos on of all time?

We have to go back to the glory days of MTV when they played music and videos instead of whatever the hell it is that they do now. I had three shows, that played videos, that I would rarely miss an episode of. It was Just Say Julie, featuring Miss Julie Brown, Beavis & Butthead, and of course, The Headbangers Ball. Rock & Roll forever!

Have you ever considered the carnivore way of eating?

What exactly is the carnivore’s way of eating? I’m presuming it’s an all-meat diet. Yeah, I can do that. I like huge chunks of meat. I would probably cheat and munch down on the occasional fruit or veggie so I wouldn’t be 100% committed, but I’d be at least 80% there. And see. All of those openings in this question and I didn’t even mention your boyfriend once. He has the meat though, but just needs to work on his technique a bit. Have him call me.

Have you ever had a concussion?

I do believe so, yes, although it was never officially diagnosed by a doctor. It was more of a smash the head, go all foggy and stupid for a few days, and then pull myself together and keep on keeping on. That probably explains a lot of my youth. Oh well.

Is rum cake good?

All cake is good and if you can down a few shots of rum while eating the cake, even better.

Do you get the Sunday Scaries?

Is this where you wake up on Sunday, after a wild Saturday night, and realize that you need redemption and Jesus in your life? If that’s the case, then yes, there were a few times when the actions and activities of a night out with friends demanded immediate asking for forgiveness with prayers. I called that “the 90s”, but Sunday Scaries works well too.

Which TV character do you wish was your best friend?

Though we rarely get to spend much time together these days, I already have a best friend, and no TV or movie character can even come close. But if we were taking in a third person to make our bro-ship a triad, then it’d have to be someone very special and unique. Let’s go with Cousin Itt from the Addams Family. He probably sheds worse than my cats, but he would be cool whatever he is to chill with.

If you were given a choice, what is your preferred method of dying?

Say good night to the St. Andrews University football team after a wild weekend of activities and then just fall asleep in my bed.

Is your city water safe to drink?

I sure as hell hope so since I use it to brush my teeth, bathe, give to the animals, and take my meds. If it’s not safe, then it’s too late now to worry about.

And there you go. Thank you for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. And with that, let’s wrap things up. Take care and stay well, my friends. I’ll see you on the next ride. That’s all folks.

Ubuntu!