Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions (Not) By Casper #59
Random Twitter Q&A
May 4, 2023
DougMaynard.com

Once upon a time, there was a man named Casper who lived on Twitter and asked lots of great questions. He asked and I would answer, thus Questions By Casper was born. But then one day, he vanished and I had to find another source for my Q&As. Well, Twitter stepped up and now provides me with lots of random questions. It’s not Casper anymore, but it’s still lots of great fun. Now it’s Questions (Not) By Casper. And it all starts right now. Let’s go.

If you could watch one movie, listen to one song, and watch one tv show for the rest of your life, what would they be?

A movie, a song, and a television show. This sounds like the start of a bad joke. A movie, a song, and a TV show walk into a bar. Oy vey! For me, the movie would be Airplane, the song would be Walk Like A Dinosaur by Was Not Was, and the TV show? Let’s go with Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

What are Three of your favorite foods?

Meat, vegetables, and ice cream.

Who is the greatest Butler of all time?

I was going to say Bruce Wayne’s associate, Alfred, but then I remembered Jarvis, the man in the comics and not the A1, from the Avengers. So the greatest Butler? Mr. French from Family Affair. Who remembers that show?

What was your main form of transportation getting to and from high school?

For the first two years, it was Bus #40, and then it became a ride with Amber & Kristy, my neighbors, before finally becoming a 1972 Volkswagen Bettle, green in color and badass as hell.

What is an interesting fact about yourself?

I am a legally ordained minister since September 2000. Thanks to the Progressive Universal Life Church and yes, it is 100% valid and legal. I can do weddings. Be afraid. Be very afraid!

What’s the perfect response to someone calling you ugly?

I just tell the truth. Their boyfriends, fathers, and son didn’t think so.

What sport produces the craziest people?

Pro wrestling fans are the most insane and craziest by far. That’s why I’m proud to be one and say that, except for a few AEW fanatics, those are my people!

Can you name a song that tells a great story?

This classic by Kris Kristofferson is called Here Comes That Rainbow Again.

$2,000,000 hits your account. What’s the first thing you’re doing?

Hookers and whiskey. Okay, maybe not, but Daddy is getting a new house, and helping out a couple of very special people, and the podcast will begin shortly after I make sure the money is real and legal. Also, I’m going to get myself a midget. I want a sidekick/assistant and after watching so many Brad Williams videos as of late, I realize that a 4’2 partner in crime for daily activities would be hilarious and the stories/adventures would write themselves.

Have you ever encountered a Biker Gang?

I did one time. There were about ten of them and they were mean, nasty, ugly, and rude, full of contempt and hatred for everyone and everything. But I told those 7 years old girls to move their bikes off the sidewalk and they listened. Okay, I’m kidding about it. A bunch of preschool kids is scary and they would hurt me and anyone else who told them to do anything they didn’t want to. Children are mean! But my oldest brother was a biker and affiliated with a legit Biker Gang when we lived in Raleigh, so I met quite a few of them. Very cool people. I never had any problems with anyone in the gangs, not then or since then.

What’s the most expensive thing you’ve touched?

A guy named Danny. I was in “love”, but he was a piece of shit with some bad habits and he cost me a lot before I wised up and learned to say no.

What would be harder to live without for a year? Internet or TV?

I can not honestly remember the last time that I sat and watched TV. I’m on the computer daily though, so get rid of the TV. I wouldn’t miss it anyhow.

What are you best known for?

Being the “wrestling guy”, have a dark & twisted sense of humor, and great skills in the bedroom. Just ask your boyfriend. He knows.

What happens when you don’t know how to cook eggs?

You eat a lot of cereal or peanut butter sandwiches instead.

What is your favorite quote from a historical figure?

“Can we talk?”, by Joan Rivers.

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts, and any questions are welcome and appreciated. And with that, let’s close down the shop for the day. Take care and be well, and I’ll see you at the bar.

Ubuntu!