Tossing Salt – Worldwide News
May 21, 2014
Good afternoon, salutations and all that other stuff. I’m Doug and after missing a week due to work craziness and life drama out the woo woo woo – you know it, I am back. My apologies. So how has everyone been? Is the WWE still here, albeit not worth quite as much on the stock market? Is TNA still in business? Is CM Punk still on sabbatical? Does Batista still suck? So many questions to answer and I’ll probably ignore every single one of them so I can focus on the important stuff like has Disco Inferno been signed to a WWE Legends Deal yet? Is JTG still on the main roster? And what exactly does it take to be a “rosebud” instead of a “lemon drop”? This is “Tossing Salt – Worldwide News”. I’m ready to do this so let’s get busy, shall we. Let’s get the party started with…
RAW Recap (in 500 words or less…)
Bray Wyatt with the sing-a-long and we learn that he had “teacher issues” growing up and admits that he is a necessary evil. He will be the last man standing against John Cena at “Payback”. Tonight Cena fights Luke Harper. John Cena plays his games and come to visit, landing an “AA” on Bray before all is sunny in the land of milk and honey and he escapes up the ramp before the “Family” can respond. Daniel Bryan’s surgery was a success. Paul Heyman and Cesaro are here and Heyman ridicules and mocks the crowd in his own unique style. He mentions the end of “The Streak” and gets in a shot at the Queen. Tonight, it’s Cesaro versus Sheamus. We get a really good, stiff match that has Cesaro playing off a Heyman distraction for the win. Sheamus offers a begrudging handshake, but Cesaro blows him off. It’s “Beat The Clock” as we get matches to determine who gets “Bad News” (literally) at Payback. Ryback takes on Big E. Big E wins in a surprisingly decent match. R-Truth comes out with the Funkadactyls and wants to know “What’s Up?”. No one seems to care. It’s Fandango and Layla next and the crowd is fandangoing like there is no tomorrow. Before we get mixed-tag action, we get Summer Rae. A kiss for Fandango and a brief brawl with Layla. No match, but we had a kitten-fight instead. Daniel Bryan’s music plays, but we get Stephanie McMahon instead. They censored out the CM Punk chants. Wimps! She teases stripping Bryan of the title, but says that she wants him next week on RAW to do the right thing because it’s “best for business”. The Union Jacks are here. Looks like 3MB to me. We get Rusev and Lana. Squash by Rusev as he takes out Drew and Jinder before destroying Slater. Where is Hornswoggle? The Shield is backstage and talk the talk. Seth fights Batista tonight. No mistakes for Seth and Batista is going down. Another “Beat The Clock” match as RVD scores a win over Alberto Del Rio for the best time of the night thus far. Cena and The Usos talk to Renee backstage. The Usos have Cena’s back. They’re in group-silly-mode tonight. When I say Cena, you say “bleh!”. Evolution is here and Batista says that he’s going to take out Rollins all by himself. He’s got this. It’s time for Batista versus Rollins. HHH is the guest ring announcer. Orton is the guest time-keeper. Seth gets the mic and announces Reigns and Ambrose as the guest commentators. Lots of guests, right? A good match that eventually breaks down to OINGO BOINGO. Seth wins by DQ. Believe in The Shield. Alicia Fox fights Paige. Alicia Fox wins and steals Jerry Lawler’s crown. She’s a happy fox. A quick Wyatt promo about Cena and the Usos. Wyatt doesn’t seem impressed. Another “Beat The Clock” with Mark Henry versus Dolph Ziggler. Time runs out so the match is a no-contest and RVD will face Bad News Barrett at Payback. RVD comes out to celebrate, but get some literal “Bad News” as Barrett lays him out from behind and cuts a great crowd-pleasing promo on the fallen former ECW / WWE Champion. Adam Rose is here. Party in the house! That bloody lemon drop, Zeb Colter comes out with Jack Swagger to spoil the festivities. And finally, we get the second coming of Bruiser Brody versus John Cena. Another great match before reverting to OINGO BOINGO and a DQ win for Cena. Bray and Sister Abigail take out Cena in the end and Bray sings as Luke counts Cena down for ten. Follow the Buzzards!
And that is how to recap a three hour wrestling program. Let’s move on and just see if we can empty the mind of some of these thoughts that keep bouncing around in there.
Mick Foley is playing games. He teased a big announcement and then announced that it was time to “rock the fanny pack again” and followed that up by singing Bray Wyatt’s favorite song. Will “Mankind” or even “Cactus Jack” be a part of the Wyatt Family sometime in the near future? Lord, I hope not. I hope that this is all just a typical Foley “look at me” bit to promote an appearance on Duck Dynasty or something like that. Maybe he has a cameo as a demented, psychotic lunatic in the upcoming “See No Evil II” movie? Just keep him away from the Wyatts. That would hurt them far worse than ever help.
Every single time I watch him wrestle and hear him cut a promo, Dean Ambrose reminds me more and more of an old-school Roddy Piper.
Vince McMahon lost an estimated $340 million dollars this past week due to the crash of WWE stock. Wouldn’t you hate to be a WWE Superstar who’s contract is coming up for renewal soon? I don’t think this would be a great time for anyone to ask for a raise.
I loved JBL’s comparison last week of Adam Rose’s “Exotic Express” to the “Oddities”. Wouldn’t it be great to have a few former WWE oddities, such as The Boogeyman, George Steele, Kurrgan, the ECW Zombie, Harvey Whippleman, etc, make cameo shots as part of the “Exotic Express” group?
Slam City is actually pretty cute.
Survivor Series this year should be excellent and full of traditional “Survivor Series” style matches. How about Team Evolution versus Team Shield, Team Heyman versus Team Colter, Team Wyatt versus Team Cena, Team Total Divas versus Team Other Divas and team WWE Superstars versus Team NXT. Add a WWE World title match and maybe one more match to this and you’ve got a stacked and loaded card.
Poor Natayla. First she’s the fart-girl and now she’s a bad artist who pouts. Who did she piss off?
CM Punk announced that he and AJ Lee will be getting married soon. I guess that guy really does dig crazy chicks.
Former WCW star Alex Wright recently made an appearance at the WWE Performance Center. That’s just a sign that we are one step closer to seeing my favorite tag team of all time (after the Midnight Express and Kronik), the Boogie Knights, Disco Inferno and Alex Wright, show up on WWE TV. It has to happen. Actually, a cameo as part of Adam Rose’s entourage would be a perfect spot for the former WCW Tag Team Champions.
Several names keep popping up as possibilities for the WWE Hall of Fame Class of 2015, such as The Rock, Rikishi, Mickie James and Kevin Nash. Solid names and no real objections here, but I have to ask. What about Randy Savage, Owen Hart, The Anderson Brothers, The Freebirds, Ivan Koloff, Nikita Koloff, Magnum TA, Ivory, DX (including Chyna), the original nWo (Hall, Nash and Hogan), Stan Stasiak, Gordon Solie, Bob Caudle, Andy Kaufman, Cyndi Lauper and Baby Doll, just to name a few? Just saying…
Speaking of Baby Doll, she would be a great talent to replace Ashley as part of WWE Legends’ House. She’s still extremely hot, personable, has great charisma and most importantly, is a legend in her own right. Nothing against Ashley, but shouldn’t someone who’s part of a reality show about wrestling legends be an actual wrestling legend herself? I also hope that next season, they provide for a mixture of talents with both male and female participants living in the house and being part of the show.
And if they don’t like the idea of Baby Doll, then how about Vickie Guerrero? Excuse me!!
Let’s move on and tackle a few questions in the old mailbag.
Ben Valdez: Do you believe that old school managers such as Jim Cornette, Gary Hart, Bobby Heenan types, should make a mass comeback? Dutch Mantell has the right idea in the WWE as Zeb Colter.
I agree with you Ben. Dutch has been doing a great job as Zeb Colter in the WWE and I would love to see the role of manager types increased and brought back to prominence. There are so many older wrestlers who are out there who are great talkers, such as Christian and William Regal for example, and could do wonders as mentors and managers for some of the talents who are great in the ring, but not so much on the stick. Mark Henry, Rybaxel, Curt Hawkins, Zack Ryder, Tyson Kidd, Justin Gabriel, etc. Just imagine the impact these guys could make if they had that extra rub of an established superstar behind them and acting on their behalf. Some of the best wrestlng feuds of all time were managers and their “families” and “stables” trying to take out certain wrestlers like the Heenan Family versus Hulk Hogan, The Paul Jones army versus Jimmy Valiant, The Dungeon of Doom versus Hogan… okay, forget that last one. But it provided fresh matches, a story that could evolve and change as needed and never get old, and a chance for wrestlers who wouldn’t otherwise get a push, to get a chance to shine in the spotlight a bit. There is a place for managers in wrestling that has been long neglected. It seems that the WWE is coming around with Paul Heyman, Zeb Colter and Lana and I hope that we have even more in the near future.
Joseph Bowden: Is Bray Wyatt a future WWE World Heavyweight Champion?
Honestly, I don’t think so. Bray’s character is not one that lends itself too well to personal appearances and representing the company at major events. Having Bray as the champion and the “face of the WWE” would make stockholders nervous. He’s just too unconventional for anything long term at the top of the company. I wouldn’t be surprised to see him rewarded at some point as a transitional champion, maybe for a week or so or maybe even a month, but no more than that. But to be honest, his character is such that he doesn’t need to be champion. He’s already over big time and the belt and being champion, while cool, would actually hurt his character in my opinion more than help.
Fred Tobin: If Daniel Bryan’s last match was really his last match, how will you remember him? In your eyes, was he a legitimate World Champion?
From all reports, Bryan’s surgery went well and he will be back competing in the WWE at some point. But if this injury had proven to be career ending, I think I would remember Bryan as an overachiever. He did and accomplished far more than one would expect from a man of his size and stature. He’s always been one of the best in-ring performers in the business, dating back to his career as “The American Dragon” Bryan Danielson over in Japan. The man is a phenomenal talent and has so much heart and determination. He’s proven himself time and time again and if the career was to end today, he’s cemented a legacy that few can match. And is he a legitimate World Champion? Absolutely!
James Ryder: If you had the money, would you buy WWE stock?
Zack Carty: If you could bring one wrestler back to WWE and one wrestler back to TNA, who would it be?
For the WWE, I’d bring back Carlito (and try to work in a deal for Chris Masters as well). As for TNA, the person I would bring back to the TNA roster would be Scott Steiner. Hey, I’m a “Big Poppa Pump” fan. I admit it and just think of the excitement it would cause in the TNA locker-room. But if the “Big Bad Booty Daddy” wasn’t an option, my other pick to bring back to TNA would be AJ Styles. They should never have let him go and right now, in my opinion, TNA needs their heart and soul back.
James Ryder: Who would win a modern day “Brawl For All”? Obviously, no stars would be in it. Comacho could be a contender if he’s 50% as tough as his dad (Haku).
The first step would be to decide what WWE talents would take part in this event if the WWE was to go all stupid and bring it back. If I recall correctly, there were eight men to start so let’s figure out what eight guys would take part. Comacho seems like a natural. I think Titus O’Neill would be in there, as would probably Mark Henry and Big Show. Jack Swagger seems like he might do well in something like this so I’d include him. William Regal has a legit “shooter” background so I’ll include him if he’s willing. And to round it out, how about Alberto Del Rio and Drew McIntyre. They both seem like legit tough guys. I’d love to add Brock Lesnar, but I don’t think he or the WWE would risk another “Dr. Death Steve Williams” situation by having Brock take part. As for the winner, I just have a gut feeling that Alberto Del Rio would end up as the last man standing and winner. I may be wrong, but there’s something about the former Dos Caras Jr. that says that if he wanted to, he could kick everyone’s ass. Just saying.
And what else? I think that’s it for now. I’ll be back in a few days with the “Fact or Fiction” column and will take care of the “Who Am I?” question there. I’m at work right now as I’m writing this and my list of everyone who answered the last “Who Am I?” correctly, as well as my new question, are both sitting on my desk at the house. Again, my apologies for missing last week and also for the shortness of this column. Work is keeping me far busier than I expected, but I will get back on track soon enough. Believe it.
I’m Doug and I’m out of here. Questions and comments can be sent to Doug28352@yahoo.comor come visit me at Facebook at www.facebook.com/saltpalace. Add me as a friend. Tell me dirty jokes. You know you want to.
Thanks for reading. I’m down and I’m gone.