Thirty Days Of Dougie! (Day 22) – Something Cool, Paul Lynde & Tell A Story…

And here we are on a cold and crisp Monday morning. We had our snow yesterday morning… and it was all gone by the early afternoon. Now all we have is freakin’ cold weather. Someone turn on the heat. It’s only 9:30am and I’m already tired. It’s truck day at work and we have just over a thousand cases of liquor ro unload. Maybe not quite that much, but there was a lot. And that stuff is heavy. And I’m old, fat and falling apart. I need an assistant. *sighs* Nothing really to talk about this morning in my opening statement so let’s just get right to work. It’s Day 22 of the “Thirty Days” saga. And what topics will we draw from the Magic Box today? We have, “Something Cool”, “Paul Lynde” and “Tell A Story”. Hmmmmm. I think I’ve got this covered. And away we go…

Thirty Days Of Dougie! (Day 22) – “Something Cool”, “Paul Lynde” and “Tell A Story”…
March 13, 2017

Let’s start off with something cool. I’ve had this, “Eleven Hints For Life”, saved on my computer forever it seems. It’s pretty cool. I don’t know who wrote it or where it originally came from, but I think it was a guy named Andrew. Or not. Let’s go with that though.

“Eleven Hints for Life”

1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.

3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you’ve ever had.

4. It’s true that we don’t know what we’ve got until we lose it, but it’s also true that we don’t know what we’ve been missing until it arrives.

5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

6. Don’t go for looks, they can deceive. Don’t go for wealth, even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.

7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go, be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

8. Always put yourself in the other’s shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.

9. A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may heal and bless.

10. The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you’re the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.

Next up is Paul Lynde. For those of you who don’t know who Paul Lynde was, you are deprived. He was an actor / singer / comic who was popular many years ago. He starred in the musical “Bye Bye Birdie”, and went on to star in the movie adaption as well. He might be more familiar though as the prankster, Uncle Arthur, on the TV series, “Bewitched!”. And after that show ended it’s run, he went on to become a staple of daytime television as the center square for the game show, Hollywood Squares. The man was a television icon and legend. And here are several quotes and lines from Lynde, from during his time tickling America’s funnybone as the Center Square.

Peter Marshall: If the right part comes along, will George C. Scott do a nude scene?
Paul Lynde: You mean he doesn’t have the right part?

Peter Marshall: Will a goose help warn you if there’s an intruder on your property?
Paul Lynde: There’s no better way!

Peter Marshall: In “Alice in Wonderland”, who kept crying “I’m late, I’m late?”
Paul Lynde: Alice, and her mother is sick about it.

Peter Marshall: According to Tony Randall, “Every woman I’ve been intimate with in my life has been…” What?
Paul Lynde: Bitterly disappointed.

Peter Marshall: Diamonds should not be kept with your family jewels, why?
Paul Lynde: They’re so cold!

Peter Marshall: What is a pullet?
Paul Lynde: A little show of affection…

Peter Marshall: In the Middle Ages, Paul, people in convents were not allowed to eat beans because they believed something about them we now know isn’t true. What?
Paul Lynde: Well, I know they took a vow of silence…

Peter Marshall: Paul, Snow White…was she a blonde or a brunette?
Paul Lynde: Only Walt Disney knows for sure…

Peter Marshall: Promethius was tied to the top of a mountain by the gods because he had given something to man. What did he give us?
Paul Lynde: I don’t know what you got, but I got a sports shirt.

Peter Marshall: When Richard Nixon was Vice-President, he went someplace on a “good will mission,” but instead wound up being stoned and shouted at. Where did this take place?
Paul Lynde: Pat’s room .

Peter Marshall: True or false, cow’s horns are used to make ice cream.
Paul Lynde: You mean those weren’t chocolate chips?

(I know these next two are already quoted to death but I just couldn’t resist)

Peter Marshall: What are “dual purpose”cattle good for that other cattle aren’t?
Paul Lynde: They give milk and cookies…but I don’t recommend the cookies!

Peter Marshall: Paul, why do Hell’s Angels wear leather?
Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Peter Marshall: True or false…research indicates that Columbus liked to wear bloomers and long stockings.
Paul Lynde: It’s not easy to sign a crew up for six months…

Peter Marshall: Whose motto is “Do Your Best”?
Paul Lynde: I guess we can rule out Jimmy Carter…

Peter Marshall: According to the French Chef, Julia Child, how much is a pinch?
Paul Lynde: Just enough to turn her on…

Peter Marshall: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the other?
Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Peter Marshall: True or false, the navy has trained whales to recover objects a mile deep.
Paul Lynde: At first they tried unsuccessfully with cocker spaniels…

Peter Marshall: It used to be called “9-pin.” What’s it called today?
Paul Lynde: Foreplay!

He was a funny man and is greatly missed. RIP Paul Lynde (1926 – 1982)

And now, last but not least, we have “Tell A Story!”. How should I do this? Should I write a quick little fiction story full of plot and characters and a moral at the end? Or should I just bluff my way through and be an ass about the whole thing? I think I’ll fake it today and then save that topic and use it for tomorrow’s post, taking it far more seriously and doing it correctly then. Why not? I’ve written enough today and I’m sure that you, my faithful readers (both of you) are tired of reading by now. So I’ll go for the short story now and the serious, longer story tomorrow.

Once about a time, there was a small cat. She was shy and timid and afraid of all of the big dogs who shared her yard. And then one day, one of the dogs was barking at her and it made her mad. It made her hair stand up and gave her a headache. And then, something inside just snapped and rather than backing away and hiding from the scary dogs as she would usually do, she felt her fur stand up. She arched her back and let out a hissing meow that made all of the dogs immediately take notice. She walked up to the dog which had been barking and just smacked him in the nose. The claws were out and she was not holding back. The dog, stunned, quit barking and let out a big yelp, running away across the yard and into his dog house where he could hide. The cat let out another scowling meow and then sat down and began licking herself clean. Letting out a big yawn, she glanced around the yard. All of the dogs were watching her, quiet and unsure of how to react. That’s when the little cat realized, she was the boss. She ruled the yard. After all, she was a cat and they were just dogs. And that’s the way it always should be. The end!

And there you go. Thank you for reading Day 22 and I’ll be back tomorrow to do it again. Have a great one.

Ubuntu!

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