Thirty Days Of Dougie! (Day 29) – Snakes, Reality Shows and One Night Stands…

I’ve got the earphones on, listening to the sounds of Cyndi Lauper singing about how the Goonies are “good en’uf”, while the confirmation hearings for potential Supreme Court Justice Gorsuch is playing on the television. This seems like a good time to add one more thing to the mix and do some major multi-tasking and knock this booger out. And by booger, I don’t mean the lovable character from the “Revenge Of The Nerds” movie, but instead, it’s Day 29 of the infamous “Thirty Days of Dougie!” series. Yes, it’s almost over folks. Tomorrow at this time, I’ll be channeling the late, great “Dean of Professional Wrestling” Johnny Weaver and belting out the song, “Turn out the lights – the partys over!”. Or was that the late, great Don Meredith of Monday Night Football fame? Doesn’t matter I guess since they both sang that song and used it as their trademarks. But that will be tomorrow. This is today. By the way, has that giraffe had that baby yet?

I know he’s a great basketball coach (although he’s no Dean Smith by any means), but UNC Coach Roy Williams wears some of the ugliest jackets in existence. I’m pretty sure that it’s all part of creating an image and larger than life character, much like Bobby Knight always threw chairs and Coach K always grabs his back and takes a break when his team is having a rough time, (I’m kidding), but still, it’s like Williams goes to the local Goodwill and thumbs through the reject piles of left over outfits from 1972 and picks the ugliest one he can find. Seriously, those are some ugly jackets. At least he’s a good basketball coach.

And now, let’s go ahead and knock out today’s edition of the blog. On second thought, let’s not. I just glanced at the clock and I have to go do Food Lion for the Food Bank first. And I need to go oil and water my Blazer too. And go by Wal-Mart. No, I’ll wait and do that this afternoon. But the Blazer and Food Lion can’t wait. I’ll be back shortly and we’ll knock this bad mama-jama out then. See you soon.

And now I’m back. It was a good day for the Food Bank as Food Lion gave us lots of bread, lots of meat and plenty of deli stuff too. I don’t tell the folks up there enough how much we really do appreciate what they contribute and donate to help us feed the residents of Scotland County. From what the head man told me a few weeks ago, we’ve got one of the best distribution ratios in this region and based on our numbers, we feed roughly a thousand or more people a week. This is the smallest county in North Carolina with the highest unemployment rate and one of the highest tax rates and I know that the people who come to see us each Thursday appreciate the help that we can provide. And it’s companies like Food Lion, who I’ve been picking up from for almost eight years now, who help make it all possible. So thank you to Mike, Doug, Dee, Mike T., Jamie, and all of the rest who are there for us each and every week. It is very much appreciated.

And now, let’s do the blog. It’s Day 29 and the end is in sight. We go to the Magic Box and the topics are “Snakes”, “Reality Shows” and “One Night Stands!” Let’s proceed, shall we?

Thirty Days of Dougie! (Day 29) – Snakes, Reality Shows and One Night Stands
March 21, 2017

The first thing that comes to mind when I think of snakes are obviously the no legged, slithering reptiles that we all know and love. Well, some people do, but I’m not really one of them. I don’t hate them and I’m not going to advocate a killing spree of all things that don’t blink and have flickering tongues, but I’m not going to go out and adopt several dozen as pets either. I have a live and let live policy when it comes to snakes. Do what you want and be the snake you were meant to be, but don’t come around me and don’t sneak up on me and we’re good. There is nothing like walking a trail in the woods at two or three AM and coming across, coiled up in the middle of the trail, a very active and wanting to be friendly snake. I’ve had it happen a couple of times and what I did each time was turn around and go back the way I came. To hell with the woods. I’ll just take the long way home and walk down the side of the highway instead.

And the other kind of snake is the person who is your friend til’ the end, unless you’re not around or they can’t use you or get anything from you. They call you “brother” and “friend” and “pal” to your face, but as soon as your back is turned, it’s not nearly as friendly and nice and the insults are flying. Unfortunately, there are far too many of these kind of “snakes” out in the world and I definitely prefer the reptile version to these two-faced, lying human types. So if you’re one of those kinds, two words for you and the initials are F.U. If you’re a slithery, reptillian version, just you mind your business and I mind mine and we’re good. ‘Nuff said!

Next up is reality shows. I don’t much like them. They’re fake and scripted and have gotten to be extremely stupid, in my opinion. When they first came out, I liked them as much as anyone. I was a big fan of the early days of “The Real World” and I enjoyed “Surreal Life” on VH-1 too. And I even admit to watching shows like American Idol and Survivor because it was different and new and cool. But things have changed and in the efforts to become different from the normal and stand out, the reality shows have gotten less and less real and more just plain out “stupid idiots on deck!”. You know I should do? All reality shows? I’m going to do it! I’m putting them on “the List!”. But what was my point? When they first started, all those years ago, they were okay. As I’ve gotten older and (hopefully) wiser, I realize that, really and truly, most of them suck! And there you go..

And finally we have “One Night Stands!”. If you’re in a relationship with someone else, don’t do it. Be faithful and real and loyal. But if two people are single, legal consenting adults and want to have a quickie or a romp in the bedroom, and it’s totally okay with both parties, then what the hell, go for it. I’d much rather be in a honest and commited relationship with someone, but since I’m not, if a person wants to play, let’s play. It’s all good. Yay for us! And that’s the bottom line because I just said so.

And I think that’s it for today. Tomorrow is Day 30 and this all comes to an end. Thank you for reading thus far. I’m Doug and ‘dat is all de’ people need to know! Have a great one.

Ubuntu!

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