A Day Of Dougie:
The Kool-Aid Man Massacre and Senior Fights
March 27, 2018
DougMaynard.com

It’s Tuesday morning and I have a few minutes to kill here before I head out to do my duties for the local Food Bank and other stuff. I need to go get cat food and I need to put gas in the car and I forget what else. It’ll come to me, I’m sure. And if it doesn’t, so be it. It’ll be all right. But for now, it’s more of this “Notes To Myself” crap that I do sometimes. It’s where I talk about just whatever pops into my head while I’m sitting here writing and thinking and watching the “Straybies” play outside in the yard. By the way, for those that are not aware, the “Straybies” are the dozen or so cats (and one possum) that have taken up around here since Ma decided to give “just one of them a little food”. That one had kittens and told some friends and so on and so on and well, there are twelve regulars now and the occasional visitor too. And we feed them all, twice a day at least. They eat too freakin’ much. Damn cats! But they’re cute and I kind of like ’em so I keep buying cat food (that I can’t afford) and we keep this vicious cycle going on. Did I call them a bunch of “damn cats” yet? I did? Well, they are, but I’m a cat person so it all works out.

Also, aside from my rambling about this, that and the other, I also have a ton of scraps of papers, aka the “Notes to Myself”, that I write constantly at work and when I’m just sitting around wasting time or doing something next to nothing and channeling Prince songs. These “notes” are just words and ideas that pop into my head about good topics to look up and write about. Or projects to do for the site. Or just things that catch my attention for some reason or another. And probably eighty percent of these will eventually be discarded and never thought of again. Maybe ten percent actually make it to the site and their destiny as a featured piece on the site. And the rest, I talk about quickly here and then move on. They make the site, but only in a supporting role, kind of like Bill Murray in movies now. He’s not the “star” of anything anymore. I can’t even remember what his last big role or big hit movie was, but the former SNL star pops up everywhere in small cameo roles and supporting roles. He’s found his niche. And when I devote a few lines to these small items, that’s their niche. And I’m just talking out my ass now. Does any of this even make any sense or am I just writing and talking to be talking. And the answer, my friends, is “Yes!”. Let’s move on.

I’ve got a theory about the Jim Jones Massacre that happened several decades ago. Remember when a cult, founded by a nut job named Jim Jones, shot a Congressman and then the entire group committed mass suicide by drinking poison kool-aid. Of course you don’t. Most of you are too young. I keep forgetting that I’m old and have been around since the dinosaurs (or since David Letterman was funny and not an liberal ass-clown). But look it up. It’s the Jim Jones / Jonestown Massacre and it happened in November, 1978 in Guyana. Over 900 people died that day. Nothing to joke about, right? Well, you’re right and I should be ashamed, but still… I’m a gay Republican who lives in rural North Carolina. What do I know? And as I said, I have a theory. Actually, it’s more of an idea for a movie scene involving mass suicide and drinking the kool-aid, if you will, but I’ll call it a theory. What if the cult at Jonestown didn’t really drink all that poisoned kool-aid of their own accord? What if, someone shouted out, “Hey Kool-Aid” and the Kool-Aid man came busting in through a wall, holding an automatic weapon and just started blasting away, determined to take out as many victims as he possibly can? I think that’s what really happened, but the powers-that-be at Kool Aid used their political influence to cover things up as best they could. True that Kool-Aid still got a bad deal with their reputation being drug through the mud and a permanent taint with the term to “drink the kool-aid” when talking about people with total control over their mindless followers, kind of like today’s Democratic party and the liberal, mainstream media, but it’s not nearly as bad as your corporate image and top representative being proven to be a mass murderer. So there you go. The Kool-Aid man killed those people. Jim Jones and his cult leader ways was not responsible. It’s corporate America and Kool-Aid. And now you know.

Or maybe it was midgets? Who really knows for sure. Let’s move on and get political for a moment. Former Vice President Joe Biden, who is 75 years old, made a comment about if they were in school, he would “beat up” current President Donald Trump, who is 71, responded by calling Biden “weak” and said that he could take him down. Just what we need. Two old ass men, who are supposed to be leaders and role models, albeit Lord help anyone who tries to use either of these clowns for a good example, are acting like school kids, but all talk and no action. Who wants to see Grandpa 1 and Grandpa 2 throw down? Actually I would. It’d be like when Hubert fought that old Nazi on Family Guy, but not as exciting or entertaining. But we do have an alleged Nazi (according to the Democrats who hate him and anyone who supports illegals sneaking across the border – build that damn wall!) and a pedophile (just ask any young woman who’s been alone with “Uncle Joe”) so it’s more like that scene than even I realized. If only Trump would tweet, “Where’s that paper boy?”, it’d be perfect. But what was my point about all of this?

Oh yeah, Wrestlemania is coming up in less than two weeks. I’ll have predictions up after Smackdown Live airs this coming Tuesday when the card is finalized and we know all the matches. But Wrestlemania is coming up. Forget Brock and Roman. Forget Ronda and Kurt versus HHH and Stephanie. Even forget Asuka versus Charlotte. How about a No DQ and anything goes, Senior Street Fight between Trump and Biden? They get in there together and start “fighting”, or more likely posturing and running off at the mouth, but not actually doing anything. They are politicians after all. And then we hear the sound of breaking glass and here comes “Stone Cold” Steve Austin. He flips off Biden and gives him a stunner. He flips off Trump and gives him a stunner. Then he drinks a few beers as the fans go crazy. Works for me. Book it, Vince.

And with that, I’m ending this. As you may have noticed, this was originally supposed to be a “Notes To Myself”, but ended up being a “Day of Dougie” instead. I changed my mind, mid-column and well, it happens sometimes like that. So forget about the first couple of paragraphs, which I’ll still leave because it’s a good intro and I never want to waste a good intro and opening paragraph and just enjoy the rest. Thank you for reading. Comments, thoughts and any and all feedback is welcome. Have any questions about anything? Just ask. You can ask in the comment box or send me a personal message at my e-mail, Doug28352@yahoo.com, my Twitter account which is @doug28352 or else at Facebook, which is Facebook.com/saltpalace. Come and add me as a friendly acquaintance and your resident stalker. I’m looking at you. Just kidding (unless you want me to?) Anyhow, work beckons and I have to go get some people intoxicated (or at least provide the means). They can do the getting plastered part themselves, the lucky bastards. I’m down and gone. Love ya – mean it.

Ubuntu!