Notes To Myself XI – May 20, 2018

Notes To Myself XI
May 20, 2018
DougMaynard.com

Greetings, salutations and Happy Sunday afternoon and welcome to the little thing I call, “Notes To Myself”. And what this is, literally, is a quick recapping of the dozens and dozens of little notes and thoughts that I write down during the week while at work or out and about that I think might be good for the site, but I haven’t had the time or energy to write about. Or maybe it’s, in hindsite, not worthy of a full piece or stand-alone material, but I want to mention it anyhow. This is also the place where I indulge in a little self-therapy and bitch and rant & rave and whatever. If I was on Family Guy, I’d be saying that this is the “What really grinds my gears” segment. Actually, if I was on Family Guy, I’d probably either be the one looking for that paper boy or maybe even a “Bruce”. “Oh noooooo!” Anyhow, this tends to go anywhere and everywhere and there is no censor, no political correctness and anything (and I do mean ANYTHING) goes. I’ll start off by just talking about some of the things I’ve written down previously and if anything pops into my head as I write, I’ll jump off on that and so forth. It can be pretty random at times, but also, it can be pretty fun. And hell, it beats seeing a shrink and talking meds right?

Oh yeah, I had an eye appointment early this week. Or was it last week? Last week it was. I’m losing my sense of time and days. I need a vacation. But anyhow, after years of procrastination and stubborn refusal, I finally went to see the eye doctor. Finally having insurance was also a factor in this. But anyhow, I found out what I already knew. I’m a blind-ass bitch sometimes. I’ve always had problem with my right eye and well, now we have proof. It’s pretty much useless. There’s a detached retina, a leftover from a situation way back in high school that was repaired, but seemingly didn’t take and I never followed up on it. So we have that and add some other problems and I’m pretty much screwed in the good vision category. I’m getting glasses though to protect my good eye and the vision in that and will pick them up next week. I’ve been supposed to wear glasses since the mid-80’s and have had to resort to reading glasses, the Dollar Tree specials, over the past couple of years, but now I’ll be wearing the real deal and be an official 4-eyed nerd. But I’m still a sexy beast so it’s all good. And now, maybe I’ll actually see some of the guys I’ve been messing around with and not have so many thirsty horror stories in my life and bed. Aw, who am I trying to fool. A cute ass and pretty eyes and I’m there and it has nothing to do with my vision. Oh vey. But I did that last week and it was interesting to say the least. I’m glad it’s over though and now, I’m ready to put on my new specs and move on to something else.

And now, let’s tackle a few things on my “List”.

A woman came into the store a couple of days ago and recognized me, from all places, from Showtime Pizza. That place has been out of business for a long, long time and I was in my early 20’s when I worked there, albeit briefly. I was never even actually an offical employee, but I was there so much and friends with most of the other employees, my “Stoney Crew family”, that when they got busy, I’d help out from time to time. That was around 1988 – 1990. And she remembers me from there, when she was a “young girl”. Damn, I’ve been in this town way too long, but that was still kind of cool. Brought back some good memories.

Have you ever heard people talk about how we need to “ban forks because they make people fat”? Well, I think we just need to switch the forks for spoon because we all know what spooning leads to and that’s a great way to burn calories and work up a good sweat. Hell, I feel like spooning now. Any volunteers? I’ll just make a phone call when I finish this or go on Grindr. Or hell, I may just take a nap. But say no to forking and yes to spooning. You’ll be glad you did.

Here is an idea I had for a Fan Fiction story about the Avengers. How about a special group of Avengers sent to Hala, home of the Kree, after the Emperess Lilandra of the Shi’ar asks for their aid. An Avengers space adventure if you will. I did a brief outline of the plot and a list of what Avengers, from the comics, that I would use in this story. The ones I picked were Quasar, Starfox, Tigra, Joscota, The Swordsman, Madgelane and The Vision. I really do need to get back to writing fics again. That was fun and this is a stpry plot that’s been in my head for a while. I’ll save this and maybe one day I’ll actually do it.

Dave Chapelle did a bit one time about a crack addict talking to kids about drug addiction. My boss man was telling me about it at work and said that I need to go look it up. And maybe one day I will. I remember the skit and it was wild and funny. But then again, Chapelle was a damn trip anyhow. Does anyone remember the skit I’m speaking of? Well, how about when Chapelle played a blind man who just happened to be a Grand Wizard for the KKK. He couldn’t get away with any of that stuff now because people would be “offended” and would cry, whine and complain. People just need to suck a dick! Chapelle was funny and you should go watch some his stuff. Everyone should. And share it with your friends. Let’s start a movement. Heck, if that talentless piece of crap, Joy Behar, can spout her garbage on The View every day, why not let Chapelle come back and have a show too. I’d watch.

Did you know that you can get anything you want at Alice’s Restaurant, except an Alice. That was Arlo Guthrie’s best song and contribution to society and this world. I found and bought the original album down at the Habitat House Restore last week. I spent a whole quarter for it. I hit paydirt! I’m happy.

Here’s another idea for a story, a parody of the Game Show “Match Game” that was so big in the 70’s. It was a great show and I’ve done a few of these before, available for your reading pleasure over at FanFiction.com, under the writer name of TSFiction19. This one would have Chris Jericho as the host with the two contestants being Trump hating bad comedian Kathy Griffin and the legendary Mr. T, who by the way loves his Mama. And for my “panel of stars”, I had picked Steve Austin, Miley Cyrus, Peppa Pig & George, Congresswoman and all around racist idiot Maxine Waters, Hulk Hogan and famed poet Andrew Dice Clay. Just imagine the dialogue with that crowd. I’m saving this because it has the potential to piss off a lot of people and could be major fun. I’ll probably do this one if I can find the time and motivation.

A woman came into the store and she was large breasted. She had the killer boobs from hell and was wearing the low cut shirt so that everyone could see her fat rolls and her breasts. And tattooed across the top of hr breast, it said “Sexy Heaven”. What the hell was she thinking? I can think of a lot of words to describe that sight, but the words “sexy” or “heaven” were not the words that came to mind. More like “hideous gamma ray hulk boobs”. It was not a pretty sight at all, but I guess that she thinks it was. Poor deluded idiot. Someone lied to her and she drank the kool-aid. Bleh!

What ever happened to Larry King? Not the radio guy who wears suspenders, gets married a lot and bored us on CNN for about forty years, but there was another Larry King. This was a guy that we (my family and I) met in the mid-70’s. He was tall, skinny and had long brown hair and was going door to door selling the World Book Encylopedia. And he ended up being friends with the family and wrote us and kept in touch for many years. He even came to Concord, NC and visited us once and stayed a few days. Last I heard, he was living in Florida and was working as a journalist / media person. That was about 35 or so years ago. I don’t know why I just thought of that guy, but he was cool. And yes, we bought the set of Encylopedias. That was in 1976. We still had them until a few years ago and then Ma gave them to someone.

Cheap Plug: Go to SoundCloud or else look them up on Facebook, but be sure to listen to “The Drunken Fools” podcast if you can. Those guys are crazy and entertaining and guess what else? I think they’re drunk. It’s Austin and the boys. Give them a like and tell ’em the guy from the liquor store sent you.

Ya’ll Too Fort Bragg!! I hate that commercial, but I will admit, it’s memorable and stays in the brain.

Have you ever had a Menage-a-Trois? No, I’m not talking about freaky three person sexual encounters although those are fun too. A bit confusing at times, but a great way to open the mind and explore without consequences. After all, it’s not gay if it’s in a three way. But what I’m speaking of is an alcoholic beverage that is liquor and ice cream. I just came across the recipe for that drink. Should I share it? Of course I should. Here’s what I’ve got…

Menage-a’ Trois

Many modern cocktails have ice cream added. It gives richer flavor and creamier texture nd makes for a luxorious mixture.

1 1/2 tbsp vodka
4 Strawberries
1 1/2 tbsp coconut creme
2 tbsp rich chocolate ice cream

Add all ingredients to a blender with cracked ice. Blend for about twenty seconds until the strawberries are pulverized. Strain into a “rocks” glass and garnish with a whole strawberry.

And there you go. Not as enticing as your best friend and his old lady, but it still sounds good. So drink up and enjoy. You’re welcome.

And I’m ending this here. I’ve actually made a little dent in my stack of stuff, but to be honest, I’d have to do about fifteen of these things to cover everything I’ve had “ideas” about. And that stack grows every day. Oh vey! I think I need to go wash some clothes now, take a shower and maybe return a text message or two so I’ll go do that for now. Thank you for reading. Thoughts and comments are welcome and appreciated. Let me know what you think… about anything. Have a great one and stay safe. I’m down and gone.

Ubuntu!

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