A Day Of Dougie
Waffle House, Ask & Give Me Something
November 26, 2018
DougMaynard.com

It’s a dark and dismal cold and wet morning. Not really cold and I’d be enjoying it if I wasn’t so freakin’ tired. And it’s wet. I don’t like wet. It’s so overcast and depressing. And people (Ma) won’t leave me alone. I don’t talk in the morning times (unless I’m at work). I haven’t been a morning talker for over fifty years. She knows this. So of course, she’s going a mile a second this morning, talking about people I don’t know, things I don’t care about, stuff that she will never do and is all so damn gung-ho about it. I love my Mom, but this is NOT the time for time. I don’t freakin’ care! And don’t even get me started on the cat, Goldie. She’s my fur-baby and I love my young-un, but it’s like she’s in competition with her Grandma this morning as to who can annoy me more. I just keep telling myself that they mean well… *sighs*

So welcome to a Monday morning edition of “Days of Dougie” where I write about random stuff and just unleash the beast for a little while. The whole premise of all of this is that I reach into the so-called “Magic Bag”, which in reality is a large Apple Crown Royal bag that once created a little personal magic for me – them straight boys like their Crown, don’t they? – and is filled with hundreds and hundreds of scraps of paper, each with a different word or phrase, and I draw three (sometimes more, sometimes less) pieces of paper from the bag, read the topic that is written and that’s what I write about. When I say it could be anything, I’m not joking in the slightest. And without any prep or advance notice, it’s here’s the topic, now go and write. Sometimes it gets pretty interesting. Other times, not so much, but an “A” for effort, right? And that’s what it’s all about today.

Or will be in about an hour or so. Glancing at the clock, I need to leave. Three days a week, I do volunteer work for a local food bank and pick up donations from the local Food Lion store and it’s time for me to be headed over there to make my rounds. So I’m going to go do that and when I return, we write. Well, I write and you read, but you already know that. So let me go do this and I’ll be back shortly. It’s always something, isn’t it? I need a freakin’ vacation. I also need to quit ssaying “freakin” quite so much. It’s getting freakin’ annoying don’t you know. Anyways, I’ll be back. Don’t go away.

Roughly 55 minutes later…

And I’m back. Did you miss me? I am damn freakin’ (there’s that word again) exhausted and out of breath. It wasn’t that big a load today with only 5 boxes of veggies and four boxes of meats, but just that little bit, loading up at the store and then unloading at the Church, has me worn out already and pouring sweat. This probably isn’t good. I have a Doctor’s appointment scheduled for the middle of next month (which I’m sure you’ll get to hear about explicity) so I’ll mention to them then… probably. So now, I’m back and my enthusiasm is nearly depleted. I was fired up to write earlier and now that I actually have the time to do so, I just want to go lay down. But I’ve made a committment and word is bond so I’m here and damn it all, I’m going to write. Just two topics instead of the usual three because I’m not feeling it, but how did Meatloaf say it? Two out of three ain’t bad. So let’s get the Magic Bag and see what’s on the agenda for today?

We have “The Waffle House” and “Ask”. Okay, I can work with the first one, but the second? I do Q&A’s all the time here at the site so let’s pick one more to spice things up. You’re getting three topics after all. Yay for you. And the third topic will be…”Give me something”. Okay, now we have the topics so no more procrastinating. It’s time to begin, right now…

Waffle House…

Who has eaten at a Waffle House? Probably everyone at some point and time. It’s the 24 hour pit stop for travelers, club people after the club, insomniacs and wrestlers leaving a show. There is one in every town that has a major highway nearby or a population of more than ten people. It’s the Wal-Mart of fast foot, although the items served are rarely served quickly and often time, can’t really be considered “food”. We have one here in Laurinburg that opened probably four or five years ago, but I’ve only been there maybe five times total and each time was to either pick up a take-out with my brother or meet my friend for a quick catch-me-up visit and snack combo. It’s not really all that bad, but I’m more of a creature of habit and prefer to get my food poisoning at home or maybe from Bojangles or Burger King. They send me coupons. Waffle House does not.

Have you ever noticed that the people who eat at Waffle House are all regulars who seem to know each other. It’s kind of like a “Coffee Club”, but instead of drinking coffee, they eat breakfast at 3:00 in the afternoon and sit around on barstools looking dejected while the waitress, who’s always taking repeated amoke breaks and calling everyone “Sweetie” is mindlessly going through her tasks, making small talk, arguing about politics and telling the story about how she would have been this or that, but a man ruined her life and now she’s stuck here.

And look at who’s cooking the food. Usually it’s an overweight guy with an angry expression on his face, looking like he hasn’t taken a crap in two years, has had a drink or three within the last two minutes and doesn’t want to put up with any of your shit, but he owes child support and his Probation Officer told him he needs to be there… or else. He is NOT a happy man.  And that small paper cap he’s being forced to wear isn’t helping.

So the waitress chats and chain smokes and the cook just grunts while the regulars tell lies and discuss the topic of the day and solve every problem in the world at least three times nightly. And you can order a waffle, anytime day or night. It’s a great part of American culture and a big part of every person who has a life and gets out at night sometimes. Or more likely, doesn’t have a life and is desperate for a place to go. I think I’ll go get a waffle when I get off work tonight. I’ll go to Dollar Tree or Food Lion. I’m not eating at that place. Let’s move on.

ASK…

This one is pretty simple where I’m concerned. If you have a question about anything and want to know anything, just ask. I don’t do hints or suggestions or even innuendo (unless it’s trying to get laid, but I’m not sure if Straighty is up for it or not yet). But I have no secrets or anything to hide. I’ll either answer or I won’t, just that simple. Read this site. NOTHING is sacred or off limits. You have questions? I have answers. Just ask.

And finally…

“Give Me Something”…

This is obviously the urban way of saying “How you doing?”, but we’ve become such an entitlement society that instead of inquiring about the other person, it’s automatically “you owe me so give me something”. Maybe I’m reading it wrong, but I doubt it. What annoys me the most, aside from that it just sounds stupid to me, is that I’ll see and hear older people, people who should know better and probably had some upbringing, see someone they know in the store or in some other public place and rather than say “Hello” or “How are you?” or even “Hey”, it’s “give me something.” I have news for all of these moochers. I ain’t giving you shit! Go take a shower, shut the hell up to me and get a job. And pull your pants up and turn that crappy noise you call music down too. Maybe I’m overthinking it, but it just irks me the wrong way to no end, even more than “working hard or hardly working”. Well, I’m working hard and you’re hardly working or else you’d have a freakin’ job and e able to get what you want instead of asking me to “give you something”. There was once a song that said, “I believe that children are our future.” Well, if that’s our future, we are freakin’ doomed. I’d like to give them all something. Like a big kick in the ass. Oh vey!

And I guess I’ll end this here. This was actually fun once I got to rolling and I may have to do it again sometime. Any comments, questions or thoughts, please let me know. And with that, I’m out of here. I’m feeling better, but still time to take a nap before work this afternoon. Have a great one and remember, every day is a Day of Dougie. Take care.

Ubuntu!