12 Dougie Days Of Christmas
Day 6: Christmas Carols To Be Banned
December 13, 2018
Greetings my friends and welcome to Day 6 of the “12 Dougie Days Of Christmas”. It’s time to play catch up and that’s exactly what I’m here to do. When I finish this, I’ll be back on track with the magic of twelve blogs in a row, Dougie style. And we’re keeping it simple for today with just one topic, but oh what a topic it is. Christmas Carols. Yes, we’re getting all musical and politically correct and no offensive lyrics to be found here. Oh wait, I almost forgot where we all. I don’t do political correctness or have anything off limits. We’re going all out and going to call it like it is. And the best way to do this is to talk about Christmas songs that we all know and love, but probably shouldn’t. Yes, I’m talking about the Christmas songs that are offensive and I’ll tell you why.
We’ve all heard about the controversy about the song, “Baby It’s Cold Outside” and how some empty-headed snowflake morons feel that the classic tune is supposedly about “Date Rape”. No, it’s not Sublime, who incidently have a song called “Date Rape” that is about, guess what… Date Rape. There is nothing at all wrong with this song and the message, from seventy years ago, that it sends.
People are also upset about the song “Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer” and how it’s all about bullying, exclusion and discrimination against Rudolph for a physical handicap. And who can forget in the cartoon when Rudolph’s father tells his wife that going out and looking for Rudolph is “man’s work”. So it’s sexist too.
So those two Christmas classics are obviously wrong and evil and bad for you, causing warts, body odor, gas, freckles and holes in the ozone. But what other songs are vicious and evil and mean and nasty? What other songs are corrupting the minds of the youth of today and are designed to cause hatred, racism, strife, hunger and bad breath throughout the world. I know of a few of them, ten to be exact, that are also wicked and disgusting and so vile that they need to be banned and exiled to song and music limbo forever. Let’s take a look at the foul and filthy words of scumminess and explain just why they are so bad and awful and need to be banned forever.
So from the home office in Boone, North Carolina, here we go…
Top 10 Christmas Songs That Need To Be Banned
10. Jingle Bells: Listen to the lyrics. One horse to pull an open sleigh. That’s abuse to animals. And “laughing all the way”. Obviously on drugs.
9. Blue Christmas: Obviously the person singing this song suffers from depression and mental issues.
8. Santa Claus Is Coming To Town: “He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake.” Definitely a stalker and peeping tom. Plus making threats that you’d “better be good”.
7. I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus: Promotes adultery and prostitution as Mommy is obviously cheating on Daddy to get paid off in Christmas presents. Also child abuse as she’s knowingly doing this with her children in the home, thus causing trauma to the poor children forced to witness her infidelity.
6. White Christmas: “White?” Sounds racist to me.
5. 12 Days Of Christmas: Where to begin on this one. A guy is forced to buy his girlfriends love with gifts, so obviously he has low self esteem and she’s a prostitute, very materialistic and only there for the gifts he can give her. They use animals for labor and buy people so they’re promoting slavery and possibly even a child sex ring. And are the “maids a milking” legal? Has anyone checked to make sure that the people being bought are not illegal aliens?
4. Silent Night: Silent night sounds like they’re mocking people who are hearing impaired. Holy night is obviously discriminating against non-Christians. “Sleep in heavenly peace” is anti-insominacs and discriminates against people who have sleeping issues.
3. Frosty The Snowman: Frosty smokes a pipe, prefers kids to adults and doesn’t wear pants. So he’s a pedophile who is trying to get kids hooked on tobacco and drugs.
2. Little Drummer Boy (Peace On Earth): This classic duet by David Bowie and Bing Crosby is one of my favorite songs, but the message it sends. Little Drummer Boy exploits the homeless and promotes noise pollution as well with the child playing drums while a baby is trying to sleep. As for the other part of the song, it’s anti-terrorist and discriminates against anarchist who don’t want peace on earth. And the two singers? Crosby was a smoker and drinker and alleged “crooner” which means it’s unfair to owls. (Remember the cartoon?) And Bowie? He made a song about a laughing gnome so obviously he promotes witchcraft and black magic. He portrayed a character called the “Thin White Duke” which obviously means he’s racist (white) and hates fat people too.
Amd as bad as all of these songs are, with their racist and hateful lyrics and meanings, promoting drug use, slavery, prostitution, depression, infidelity and all sorts of mean, nasty and ugly things, there is one that is worse than any of the others. And this last song, is one that I am very familiar with. When I was in fourth grade, my class held a Christmas concert and we were forced to sing this anti-Mexican, latino hating song to our parents and teachers. It was the 70’s and we were young and stupid kids and didn’t know any better, but that’s no excuse. This song is why the Mexican men keep trying to come to our country and steal our fat white women who get a check. This song is why we need a wall. It’s the #1 most offensive Christmas song of all time and I’m not even kidding on that.
1. Pablo, The Mexican Reindeer:
And here are the lyrics.
When Santa goes to Mexico,
He takes a reindeer called Pablo,
Pablo can sing and dance and sway,
He leads the reindeer all the way!
Santa can’t speak the Espanol,
So he depends on good old Paul,
All the muchachos love him so,
Pablo the reindeer from Mexico!
Without him, Santa would not know where he’s going
(ay, yi, yi, yi)
Without him, he would not know if it was snowing!*
(spoken) South of the border?
Pablo can do the cha cha cha,
He makes the children laugh, ha, ha!
All the muchachos shout “Ole,
Pablo, please hurry back,” they say!
And here is the video:
And there you go.
Obviously, I’m speaking tongue in cheek about most of these songs and I’m sure that if some snowflake gets to read this and sees my list, they’re probably going to start petitions to ban all of the songs I mentioned and if that happens, my apologies. They’re just freakin’ songs and so long as people today keep listening to that rap crap for example… or Justin Beiber, they have no right to say anything about any song ever made. ever. The rap crap is full of racist, sexist, homophobic and just plain stupid lyrics and the Justin Beiber stuff? He just sucks!
And that’s all for now. Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Have a very Merry Christmas, play that Christmas music loud and proud and if you can make a liberal’s head explode in the process, play it even louder and more often. Have a great night and I will catch you later.