12 Dougie Days of Christmas
Day 7: The Navy, Gay Friends & 2 Black Eyes
December 14, 2018
Good Friday to you. It’s early and wet and raining and have I told you recently how much I hate rain? After the hurricane crap a couple of months ago, the follow up hurricane a few weeks later and the rain since, the last thing we need around here is more wet and water. At least it’s not really cold. I still don’t like it though. It makes me depressed and want to just sleep all day. Well, maybe it’s not the rain that does it and I wouldn’t mind going back to bed anyhow, but I’ll blame it on the rain anyways. The rain don’t mind and you got to blame it on something. At least that’s what Milli Vanilli always told us.
So I’m rushing for time and this will be a short one today as the 12 (Dougie) Days of Christmas moves on. Let’s go straight to the Magic Bag and pull out three topics. We have “The Navy”, “Gay Friends” and “Two Black Eyes”. Okay, sounds like a fun list of subjects. Yeah, this one will be short and probably offensive to someone. You’ve been warned. Let’s do this.
When I was a senior in high school, I was thinking about joining the Navy. I didn’t do it obviously, but sometimes I wonder how my life would have been different if I had taken that chance and went in that direction. It didn’t happen though and let me tell you why. The recruiter that I spoke to just didn’t do it for me. He was uninterested, didn’t seem to care and most importantly, he lied to me and I caught it. And this was just in the second meeting. He may have been having a bad week or maybe just counting down towards his retirement and going through the motions or maybe he just figured I was an idiot and wasn’t actually paying attention to what he was saying. I can’t even remember exactly what the lie was, but he said something in our first meeting and I took some tests and then a week or so later, came back and we talked some more and he said something else that totally contradicted what he had told me earlier and I caught it and asked about it. He back-tracked on his earlier comments and denied that he had ever said what I had clearly heard him say and well, that was it for me. No Navy and no military at all. Just a life of work and being the best Dougie I could be, civilian style. It’s too bad because I would have totally rocked those white sailor outfits and a life on the sea, with all those sea men? Oh vey! But the only Navy is my life now is the song by the Village People and the occasional trip to the Mall for clothes at Old Navy. I guess I wasn’t destined to be Popeye the Sailor Man. Probably for the best because I hate spinach . Moving on.
I don’t have any. Not really. I have other gay guys and girls that I’m friendly with, have a lot of respect for and enjoy the casual company of every so often, but they’re more associates than friends. All of my friends are pretty much all straight guys and girls instead. I guess I really and truly have been kicked out of the club. Damn it, I’ll never get that free toaster now. Of course, I probably shouldn’t stress it. So far as friends that I actually hang out with and socialize with regularly, I only have my bro and his family these days anyhow. I have others that I love and care for and vice versa (I hope), but time, life and circumstance prevent regular interaction or much chilling together. When we connect, it’s as if we’re together every day and pick right up where we left off, but it just doesn’t happen often enough or with the right folks. As for the”gay friends” bit, I’m not into labels anyway. I have friends and acquaintances. Some happen to be gay, but no one that I’m especially close to at the moment. Hell, even the guys I sleep with are straight. Go figure. So no gay cliques for me. Just cool people and if they’re gay, then yay, we have something in common. And if they’re not, that’s fine too. I don’t care for labels as I said. Just be cool and if we connect, that’s all that matters. ‘Nuff said!
Two Black Eyes…
What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing. She’s been warned twice already.
Yes, that joke is sexist and wrong and offensive. I don’t care. It was the first thing to come to mind when I saw this topic and I decided to run with it. Lighten up already or else I’ll start posting videos of cats instead. Do you really want that? Do you?
And this is where it all ends. I told you that it’d be short today. I have to go brush my teeth and finish getting ready for work. Maybe some breakfast too? But anyhow, thank you for reading. Thoughts, comments and any questions are welcome and appreciated. Until the next time, take care. I’ll catch you later.