5 Questions (x4): Super Powers, US Presidents,FKM & More…

5 Questions (x4)
Super Powers, US Presidents, FKM & More…
January 14, 2019
DougMaynard.com

I have questions. You have questions. Everyone has questions. And luckily for me, my friend Matt had a of questions about many different topics. I think he just likes to try and stump me. Well, he sent these and I’m going to answer, not five or ten at a time, but a whopping twenty questions. What the hell? I’ll try to be pithy with my answers and comments and hopefully, you’ll get a laugh or two from the answers. Either that or I’ll be blocked from your lives forever. We’ll see how it goes. And now, let’s do this…

What song would you like played at your funeral?

Definitely not “Highway To Hell” by AC/DC. I’m not really sure on this one because I don’t plan on needing one for a long long time to come. How about “Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead” from the Wizard of Oz. And then have it blend into the Beatles classic “Paperback Writer” and finish off with Queen’s “The Show Must Go On” to wrap it up. I don’t want a song. I want a soundtrack.

What super power sould you like to have?

How about the ability to change shape and assume the image of any man, woman or child I wish, like Mystique in the X-Men comics and movies. That would be pretty fun to do.

Do you condone cheating in relationships?

Well, yes and no. If I’m involved in a relationship with someone and we’ve actually committed to each other and it is a legit couples deal, I will not cheat. I’m loyal and I expect him to be as well. But if I’m single, my partner of the day or friend with benefits, they can be single or married or whatever. It doesn’t matter to me. I hate to see people in relationships cheat on their partner and it makes me lose a little respect for them, but at the same time, I’ve been “the other woman” a few times and probably will again. Does that make me a hypocrite? Yes, it does. Does it matter though? In the overall scheme of things, not really.

Are you a little bit country or a little bit rock & roll?

Well I’m not Donnie and Marie so where is this question from? I’m probably more rock than country, but I love both brands of music and pretty much all music, regardless of the genre, if it’s good. Not rap of course because it’s rarely good, but classic rock or old-school country, I can get down with either.

What would be your dream vacation?

With time and money no object, just to get into a car and ride across the country, visiting and meeting in person all of my friends and associates I’ve spoken to and talked to over the years via MySpace, Facebook, the Yahoo groups and professional wrestling. Just a month or so of nothing but traveling and meet & greet stuff.

How would you rank the U.S. Presidents, from worst to best, during your lifetime?

Well, I was born in 1966 and the President then was LyndonJohnson, followed in order by Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, Ronald Reagan, George HW Bush, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, Barack Obama and now Donald Trump. Based on my political views, knowledge of each man and their accomplishments and what history says about each one, my rankings from worst to best would be in this order: Jimmy Carter, Barack Obama, Lyndon Johnson, Richard Nixon, Gerald Ford, George W. Bush, Bill Clinton, George HW Bush and Ronald Reagan.

If you could join the cast of any TV show, which one would it be?

Does the show still have to be on the air? I’d like to be part of the cast of Roseanne or what is it called now, “The Conners”. I could be the strange old guy, a friend of Dan’s, who comes around sometimes and DJ has a gay affair with. Just make it a recurring role and I could be DJ’s “other woman” as he tries to figure out his life and keep his marriage intact and family together, but still be with me too. It’d be a great story and role that I could do easily and well.

Favorite vegetable?

The ones in the wheelchairs. They can’t get away as easily.

Do walls work?

Walls work and work well to make it harder for unwanted persons to enter a place or home. They might not be 100% effective, but they are far better than nothing at all to keep people out of places that they have no business being at. And for our Southern border, they would definitely be a major help to controlling the flow of illegal immigrants coming into our country from Mexico. Build that damn wall!

Should the national drinking age be lowered to age 18?

While I understand the reasoning behind having the age to drink at 21 instead of 18, I look at it like this. If you can be tried and convicted as an adult, enter a contract, buy a gun, join the military, vote, be elected to public office, adopt children and go to X-rated movies when you’re 18, you should be old and mature enough to drink a beer too. It should be 18 for beer and 21 for liquor over a certain percentage of alcohol. ‘Nuff said!

Do you believe in horoscopes and astrology?

I don’t really, but I always did, back in the day, make sure to read my horoscope in three different papers each day, to pick the one I liked the best and run with it. It may not come true or be real, but why take chances, right?

Fuck, Kill or Marry: Nancy Pelosi, Maxine Waters, Chuck Schumer?

Can’t we just kill them all and be done with it? I’m repulsed by all three of these people and the thought of having sex with or marrying any of them makes my stomach turn. But I’ll play along. Kill Pelosi because she’s the most dangerous of the group. Fuck Schumer because he’s a guy and I don’t do women. He’s a little bitch anyhow so he’s probably enjoy it. And marry Crazy Maxine, then become a widower a few days later because the first time she says, “Impeach 45”, I’d smack her in that ugly face with an iron skillet, probably many times.

Fuck, Kill or Marry: Whoopi Goldberg, Joy Behar or Rosie O’Donnell.

Again, I’m on the verge of physical illness with the thoughts of doing anything but murder with these three. It’s like that song, the Cell Block Tango from the musical, “Chicago”. It’d be a murder, but not a crime. I guess kill would go to Joy Behar becasue she’s the most mentally unstable and annoying of these three and Kid Rock thinks she’s a bitch. So the police would be looking at him and not me for a murder suspect. Fuck Whoopi because she’s probably got a dick bigger than mine anyways and you know that she’s a closeted freak. And Marry Rosie because even though she’s annoying and crazy and delusional and a total whack-job, she did used to be funny back in the day and loves Broadway, as do I so we do have that in common. She could get all the good seats and tickets to the Broadway shows for me.

If you could travel back in time to any point in history, where would you go?

With the knowledge I have now, I think my target points for visiting would be the original Woodstock for one, the Kennedy – Nixon debate in 1960 (would love to listen to and see that live) and maybe sometime in the mid-1800’s for a week or so in a place like Chicago or New York, just to see what it was really like.

Favorite holiday?

Halloween, followed closely by Rusev Day!

Jim Acosta versus Sheppard Smith in a bitch fight. Who wins?

Smith would win. He can be whiney and annoying, but to have survived at Fox since the beginning, you know he’s a tough dude. Acosta is pitiful, sorry pencil necked geek and total crybaby ass-clown. Shep could take him out and not even break a sweat in the process.

Who has the most annoying voice you’ve heard?

The woman who played “The Nanny” on TV was pretty bad and so was Roseanne, but the worst voice I can think of is a relative of my Mom’s named Judy. A very sweet woman and one of the nicest people I’ve ever known, but her voice just cuts right through the room and makes you want to cut off your ears to keep from listening. So high pitched and with an accent too, every phone call or conversation is a traumatic experience.

If you were kidnapped and the people from the last TV show you watched had to rescue you, who would it be?

The last show I watched was “Love It Or List It” on HGTV so my saviors would be David and Hillary. I would be totally doomed!

What is your favorite beer? What is the worst beer you’ve drank?

For me, my favorite beer is Bud Light, followed by the Bud Light Platinum. The worst beer I can think of is Milwaukee’s Best or “Beast” as I call it. The regular is bad. The “Iced” version is even more nasty. I don’t like regular Budweiser either. It gives me a headache.

What song is currently on your mind and playing in your head right now?

The Cell Block Tango from the musical, “Chicago”. I mentioned it earlier and now keep hearing it over and over in my head. Oh vey!

And there you go. My thanks for reading. Any comments, thoughts or questions, just give me a shout and I will respond. Until the next time, stay safe and have a great one. Take care.

Ubuntu!

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