5 Questions: Super Bowl, Pizza, The Complete Man, Dreams & More…

5 Questions
Super Bowl, Pizza, Complete Man, Dreams & More
January 15, 2019
DougMaynard.com

My long time close and personal friend, Jesse, decided to blow up my inbox this morning and I had two sets of questions waiting for me when I woke up. One was a set of random questions, which I’ll be doing here and now as part of the “5 Questions Series”, even though technically there are six of them. What? You thought I wouldn’t notice? But I’ll let it slide because I do appreciate the questions and you’re such a cool dude, dude. And then there are a bunch of wrestling related questions, all of which seem to be centered around last night’s episode of WWE RAW. That will be coming up later this morning in another piece. But for now, let’s get to the first batch. It’s too early in the morning and I haven’t even had my first Dew yet. Let’s do this. It’s “5 Questions” peeps.

What 2 teams do you expect to see in the Super Bowl?

Well, the four final teams have been decided and my Panthers are not there. But neither are the Cowboys, The Redskins or Green Bay so it’s not all bad. We are ABC around here and that stands for “Anyone but Cowboys”. But the teams that are in the final mix and will have the opportunity to head to the big game that no one cares about except for the commercials, will be the New Orleans Saints, The Kansas City Chiefs, New England Patriots and the Los Angeles Rams. It’s Patriots versus Chiefs and Rams playing New Orleans for the AFC and NFC Championships. I’m pulling for Kansas City over The Brady and the Patriots and The Saints over the Rams. And then in the Super Bowl, it’s Kansas City talking home that big trophy and winning it all.

What would be on your perfect pizza?

My perfect pizza would be beef, sausage, canadian bacon (ham), extra cheese and pineapple. Lots of meat and the pineapple just to piss everyone off because that’s how I roll.

What are the three things that every man needs?

James Dean, the iconic film star and movie legend was said to have carried around a piece of paper in his wallet that said, “The Complete Man. These are his needs” and it listed”love and security”, “creative expression” and “recognition and self-esteem” as what ever man needs. And that is very, very true. But there are other things that every man needs as well. To be truly whole and complete, aside from the things listed by Mr. Dean, every man needs these three things as well. A truck. Cars are all well and good, but if you can’t haul stuff and go out in the woods and get a little muddy and carry around your fishing gear and a beer cooler, you’re lacking in something. Buy a truck and your man-card automatically gets an extra hole punched in it. Next is a “bro”. You might have the best girlfriend or wife in the world, but every guy needs another guy in their life too just to be a man with. To talk man talk, be as crude or repulsive or deranged without fear of offending or reprocussions, to bitch and complain too, compete with and be totally childish and juvenile with. Guys are pretty obnoxious and weird at times and no one else, but another guy can truly understand or relate. Women sometimes need a “night out with the girls” to get a break from the insanity that is male and men need it too, a “boys night out” sometimes, for the same reason. And a pocket knife. When I was about six or so years old, my dad gave me a pocket knife that I still have. It was a male-bonding thing because his dad gave him one when he was a kid and then he did to me as well. Every real man should carry or at least have a pocket knife. It’s like nose hairs and a dick. It’s part of the total package. So a truck, a buddy and a knife. And then and only then are you truly a complete and total man.

MLK had a dream. What is your dream?

Well, last night it was about working in a dry cleaners (don’t ask) and dealing with a woman who wanted to buy some socks. I don’t get it either. Just strange, but that’s what it was.

Do you have a green thumb?

Not at all. I used to have a fake, plastic plant in my bedroom and I killed it. True story. Maybe it was the dust that covered it or maybe it was the throwing stars that I tossed in it’s direction every day, but for whatever reason, it kind of wilted and fell apart and I ended up throwing it away. I don’t do well with plants. My dad had that green thumb and could grow anything. Ma can do it as well. But I don’t have that skill. I buy a plant to take to the house and it commits suicide on the way home. If Groot lived here, he would not be reborn every movie. He would have been a log tossed into the fire place instead. “I am Gr…oooowwwww!”, just like a little Jewish kid in Nazi Germany. Oops! That was wrong and insensitive. My bad! I wonder if Groot could be made into a lamp shade too?

If you had to wear a warning sign, what would it say?

“Not P.C. so read at your own risk”.

And there you go. My thanks for reading and I hope I didn’t lose too many of you with that Groot / Jew remark. I can’t help it. I only write what comes to mind and I have no filter or censor. My bad! But it’s what I do so get used to it. I love ya, Peeps! Any comments, thoughts or questions, feel free to let me know. And any good jokes or puns that will make people cringe, I want them too. Until the next time, take care and have a great one.

Ubuntu!

@00 never too old for milk and cookies

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