10 Days Of Dougie: Day 1 – Crack Roses, Clouds & Why I Don’t Like People…

10 Days Of Dougie: Day 1
Crack Roses, Clouds & Why I Don’t Like People
January 16, 2019
DougMaynard.com

So… did everyone watch the Golden Globe Awards this past weekend? Me neither. I don’t do awards shows. I am interested in the Academy Awards, but not for the pompous attitudes and self-congratulatory waste of space that they’ve become, but just to see who is stupid enough or safe enough to act as the host for the event this year. Kevin Hart is out and pretty much anyone and everyone else who might be considered has either said “No” or has some kind of controversy in their past that keeps them from accepting the spot. At this rate, it will end up being Pauly Shore and Barbara Eden as the hosts. Is she even still alive? Hell, is he? I know Pauly’s career died about twenty years ago, but I think he’s still technically breathing. And Jeannie? She lives forever, just like Keith Richards & Betty White.

Note: I had to go to Wikipedia and check. Barbara Eden is still alive and still working regularly. She’s 87 years old.

So what about the Academy Awards. Whoopi Goldberg has offered herself up as the host and surely that won’t piss anyone off or be controversial, right? If Whoopi hosts, I would riot, but honestly, I could care less. The best thing for the Academy to do is to just go get Neil Patrick Harris. He’s charming, funny, can sing and dance and he’s gay. All the bases covered and everyone loves Doogie Howser, right?

But why was I talking about Awards shows anyhow? Oh yeah, the Golden Globes. The movie about Freddie Mercury and Queen won a big award for top picture or top actor or something like that. Congrats to them. I love the music of Queen and Freddie Mercury and even the new version, with Adam Lambert, isn’t bad. He’s not a Freddie, but he’s damn good in his own right. But it seems that some people got pissed because that movie won the big awards and the remake of “A Star Is Born” got snubbed. That’s because that movie, about Freddie, was good and the other, it’s a remake and nothing against Lady Gaga, but she’s no Barbra Streisand. And who was the guy who played opposite Gaga? Bradley Cooper. Who? I can tell you why the movie got snubbed. It also starred Andrew Dice Clay and Dave Chapelle. So the PC police got their panties in a bunch and voted it down so Dice wouldn’t get any kudos. He’s racist and homophobic, rememeber? And Chapelle? He’s a black man who supports Donald Trump. It’s all part of a big conspiracy and it’s all Trump’s fault. And now you know.

And I’ve rambled long enough about nothing and that’s exactly what the Awards shows are… nothing. Let’s move on. I’m Doug and welcome to Day 1 of a new blog series, which is a remake of an old blog series, so it’s old and new at the same time, repackaged for your pleasure and her’s too. New look and the same great taste. It’s “10 Days Of Dougie” and it’s where I will, for 10 days in a row, write. And not just about anything, but on topics and subjects drawn randomly from what we call “The Magic Bag”. There are nearly 500 scraps of paper crammed into an old Crown Royal bag and on each scrap, something has been written. Maybe a single word, maybe a phrase, maybe a song title or maybe even a name. And what I do is draw three scraps from the bag each day and that’s what we’re talking about and writing about. No chance to prepare or get ready. It’s just “here’s the topic and go!”. It’s a great writing exercise for me and fun to do because it could literally end up being about anything at all. And it usually is. So that’s what this is. And for the next ten days, it’ll just be more and more of the same as this adventure continues. And you’re welcome along for the ride.

And now that the explanations are out of the way, let’s get the Magic Bag and see what the topics will be for Day 1 of the “Ten Days Of Dougie”. And we have Crack Roses, Clouds & Why I Don’t Like People. Yeah, so there they are. This should be interesting. So let’s take a deep breath and away we go. Let’s do this…

Crack Roses…

Who remembers these? No, you didn’t have to be a crackhead to remember the small fake flowers that were inside a small glass stem and sold as novelty items. Well, that was what they were allegedly sold for until the crackheads realized that the little glass “vases” were perfect for smoking their crack with. A good stem and a little steel wool, the kind used to wash dishes, and they were set. Well, they still needed to get the crack, but one quick theft of a lawn mower or attempt at fellatio and that problem was usually solved pretty quickly as well.

For the life of me though, I can’t think of anyone ever using those small flowers and their containers for anything else but crack and getting smoked up. I worked in the stores for a long time and we sold quite a few of them, but then we would find the little flowers in the trash cans outside or on the parking lot and the customer who bought them had long vanished. Well bought or attempted to steal. Most stores kept them behind the counter and register. Now, it’s hard to find them and I’m not even sure that they’re available anywhere anymore anyways. But I remember them. Not because I smoked crack, but because I was a cashier who sold them and because I had some aquaintences who used them. But enough about Danny and James.

That would be a good name for a band. Ladies and Gentlemen, the Crack Roses. Then they could come out, sing songs and throw the little novelty roses, in their little glass containers, out to the crowd before watching everyone who got one vanish off to the bathrooms. Damn, what’s that smell? Okay, maybe not. But enough on that. Let’s move on…

Clouds…

They’re in the sky. They hold rain and snow and unleash it upon the earth from time to time. They’re all shapes and sizes and often, you can look at the clouds and see shapes and images in them. That’s call imagination folks, something that is surely lacking in today’s world of sheep and gamers. They sometimes block the sun and makes things overcast and dreary. And they are a mixture of gases and moisture that some believed back in ancient days, were paths and parts of another realm and world. A cloud that’s close to the ground is called fog. And my brain is fogging up so I’m moving on. Yeah, this is lame today, but at least I’m tying.

And finally…

Why I Don’t Like People…

It’s actually not people that I don’t like, but more the way they behave and act. It’s not the fact that they’re human bodies, complete with a soul (except for gingers) that I hate and despise, but it’s the stupidity in their words and actions. It’s the way they they look down on others. It’s the way they treat each other and themselves, the ones that they should love the most. I actually like people. Well, some people. Well, maybe one or two people at most. And even then, I often find myself needing a break and distancing myself or pulling away. It’s not them. It”s me.

No, screw that. It’s not me. It’s not them. God is great. Beer is good. And people, they’re just freakin’ crazy. I’ve changed my mind. I just don’t like people. Give me a damn cat anytime. ‘Nuff said!

And there you go. Lame, I know and way too short except for that opening paragraph, but what can I say? I’ll do better in the nine days to come. My thanks for reading and if you have any comments, thoughts or questions about anything, just give me a shout. Until tomorrow, take care and stay safe. Have a great one.

Ubuntu!

@00 @ 1 big one meme

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