A Day Of Dougie: Roses, Adult Novelty Stores, Lemonheads & More…

A Day Of Dougie (Rapid Fire Edition)
Roses, Adult Novelty Stores, Lemonheads & More
December 26, 2019
DougMaynard.com

It’s Monday morning! Gads! And welcome to the Wasteland! Oh wait, that would be if I was a member of the Ascension. I’m not. I’m your host with the most, the infamous Dougie himself and this is a brand spanking new (and I could sure use a good spanking right now) edition of “The Days of Dougie”. And today, things are going to be a little different than usual. Here’s how they’re going to go. Normally, I reach into the world famous “Magic Bag”, draw out three topics and write about those topics, no preparation and no advance warnings. It’s just jump into the deep end, here’s the subject of discussion and go. And it can be fun or scary depending upon what topics I manage to luck up with. Today’s D.O.D. will be almost like that, but we’re going rapid fire edition. That means I draw a topic, write the first thing that comes to mind on that particular subject and then go on to the next. The bag is getting too full of scraps of paper and I need to lighten the load a bit. So it’s rapid fire, anything goes and no political correctness allowed. Doesn’t that sound like fun? So are you ready? Let’s do this…

Roses…

One of my favorite flowers, especially the black or yellow ones. I like the smell and there is nothing more romantic that a dozen roses being sent to a loved one at work, not that I’ve ever had anyone do that for me. No one loves me. *pouts* I also like roses when they’re combined with Guns. Guns &oses. One of my favorite hair-metal bands. That Axl may be an asshole, but that boy can sing. It’s also a store. I worked there for a month when I was 17. I didn’t like it and moved to a new job rather quickly. But they’re one of my favorite places to shop now. Good jeans and they’re cheap. I like cheap.

Lemonheads…

Another great band from the early 90’s, headlined by Evan Dando. I think the first time I ever saw them live was on an edition of Jon Stewart’s short lived talk show and they did “Big Gay Heart”. This was early 90’s and for a rock band to do a song like that on live TV, that was incredible for the time. Dando was a hottie anyways. And also for this word / topic of “Lemonheads”, the candy comes to mind. Very sour and makes you pucker. I could use a good pucker right now. I wonder if Dando is available?

Jimmy’s Seafood House…

I think this was my 3rd job ever. It’s now called Captain Larry’s and located in Laurinburg, NC on S. Main Street and that was a great job for a lost and wayward 16 year old. I was there for almost three years, hired as a dishwasher, but also worked as a plate fixer and cook for a while as well. I left that job to go work at Convenient Food Mart, aka Jimmy Lee’s and have been in retail ever since. But Jimmy’s holds a special place in my heart, working with guys like Jim Manship, Deano Medlock, John Singletary, etc. True, we walked out of there every night smelling like tuna, but the people were awesome and we had fun too. A great time in my life.

Average…

Average is just the total sum of an object divided by the number of participants. It’s just ordinary and nothing special. Never allow yourself to be average. Be better than that. Average, that just sucks!

Adult Novelty Stores…

This is where you go to buy the hood stuff and get all freaky and kinky. I like freaky and kinky and yes, I’m not a prude. I like these kind of stores too. Laurinburg, we only have one store of this nature called “Tender Moments”, although I actually think it’s been changed recently. It’s still kicking though and from what I can see, does a great business. That is not surprising since this town is full of people who like to get down and get funky like a monkey. I’ve been in there a couple of times though and wasn’t really impressed by the inventory.

Back inthe day, before this store came to the ‘Burg, we would go to Fayetteville and go to either Priscilla’s or one of the shady little stores on Bragg Bvld. It was cool and a great way to find and learn about new things. And if you went to the one on Bragg, at least according to Roy Gee, you could get some action in the back rooms. I odn’t know about that and never gave it a try. I have my own ways of getting plenty of action – I work retail. But that is a story for another day, maybe. This is here and now and about the adult sex stores or novelty stores as they’re generally referred to.

I would love to one day work in an adult novelty store just to complete the trilogy of jobs of sin. I’ve ran a video Sweepstakes place (gambling) and currently work in a liquor store (alcohol) and of the three big sins, all that’s left is sex so if I work in a sex shop, I’ll have come full circle. By the way, did you know that I’m an ordained Minister? Makes the idea of doing the “Big Three” even better right? Let’s move on.

Tests…

I always forget to study, but usually did okay on them back in school. If I know it’s coming, I’ll be ready. If I don’t, oh well. Give it here and let’s see what happens.
Christmas Carols…

Does anyone even do this anymore? I remember groups of us back when I was a kid gathering up and going door to door to people’s houses and singing Christmas carols to the poor unfortunate souls who answered the doors. That’s something else that I guess is long in the generational gap and wouldn’t be done today. We’d sing the classics like Rudolph, Silent Night, Jingle Bells, etc. It’s a good memory that I haven’t thought about in years. But then again, back then I could sing. Now, not so much. More good times that will live on forever in my mind, but so far as bringing back the tradition, I don’t think it’d work. Sad. Very sad!

Class of…?

Class of 1985 and very proud of it. Scotland High School forever!

Disorder In The Court…

That was the name of an old short by the Three Stooges made in the 50’s that I have on VHS somewhere around here. It was one of Curly’s last bits before he got sick and had to leave the Stooges. A funny skit making fun of the court system and screwed up justice system. I remember Curly being sworn in by the Bailiff. “Do you swear…?”…. and Curly replied, “No, but I know all the words!”. Good funny stuff from the past. The Three Stooges were way ahead of their times.

Things That Start With M…

Mom, Me, Mice, Moobies, Men, Milk, Mischief, Moods, Madness, Milli Vanilli and Merry Go Rounds.

And there you go. This is a good place to call it a day as I have to go now and finish getting ready for work. My thanks for reading. Any comments, thoughts or questions, drop me a line here, in the comment section, at Doug28352@yahoo.com or on Twitter at @Doug28352. And I’ll be back either later tonight or tomorrow with more stuff. Have a great one and stay safe. I love you America.

Ubuntu!

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