A Day Of Dougie:
New Year, New Me
Top 10 Resolutions for 2020
January 1, 2020
Welcome to 2020. It’s a new year, a new beginning, a new world and it’s a new day, yes it is, so don’t you dare be sour. Okay, I won’t go down that road and start off with wrestling references just yet. With all apoligies to Xavier, Big E and Kofi, this is my column and I would much prefer to reference wrestlers I actually like. The only problem is, the wrestlers I like are Bo Dallas who says to just “Bo-lieve!”, Heath Slater who “has kids”, and The Revival who don’t really have a catch-phrase, but are damn good in that ring. I know who to steal, I mean “borrow” a catch phrase from to get this thing started. Woo woo woo – you know it! This is “AWESOME!” And now, let’s cut the music and I’ll show you all what a real man looks like. I think I’m rambling here and quickly losing control so let’s can the opening promo and let’s do this…
It’s a new year and I want to get the site off to a good start by making a list. Not just any list mind you, but a Top Ten List and not just any Top Ten List, but a list of something of divine importance. This is big time stuff, my friends. It’s a list of the things about me I want to change up and make better for the year to come. Everyone makes a few resolutions each year as the calendar changes and a new year begins and those resolutions only tend to last about a week or so if they even make it that long. Some only last until the next beer or text message. But it’s the thought that counts and a few days ago, I had the thought to do this before the old year ends. Obviously, between work, my other job, the constant and annoying interuptions here at the house from my beloved family and that damn cat of mine, and of course, good old depression and anxiety, it didn’t happen. So now, it’s Wednesday, January 1, 2020 and just like the year, I plan on seeing things clearly and getting busy. It happens now. I already did my “Let’s do this!” cliche’ so enough already. And away we go…
Top Ten Resolutions For 2020
10. Lose Weight: Yeah, I know I’m fat. Have been and probably always will be, but I carry it well and despite the belly, I know I’m a sexy beast. Maybe not wearing a mankini in public sexy (unless I’m drunk or dared to and then all bets are off), but I’m a catch for some lucky guy and I’ll snuggle and keep you warm in the winter. I’ve lost about 21 pounds as of last night since my last Doctor’s appointment and I’m happy with that. But I know I’d feel better and hurt less often and have more energy if I was to lose a few more pounds. So that’s on the list and so long as I eat right, don’t binge and get out and do things, this should be an easy resolution to keep.
9. Quit Pushing People Away: I’ve damaged some great friendships with my anti-social tendencies. It’s not that I don’t like people, well most people, but when it comes to making that phone call, responding to a text, asking someone if they want to hang out, etc, I tend to freeze up, get all messed up in the head, emotional and anxious. And then I don’t do it or take forever to do it and get depressed and things spiral from there. The bad thing is, I do like and care for these people and if I was to just say screw it and talk, I know things would be cool and I’d actually enjoy myself and have fun. I have some amazing friends and it sucks to not be able to be there for them and return the love and trust that they have in me and give so willingly and easily. I guess when you’ve been screwed over enough times, you start thinking that everyone has an ulterior motive for wanting to be your friend and rather than risk being hurt, you just don’t let them get close and thus, stay alone. I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of not being able to trust. It’s not easy to change the habits of a lifetime and open those walls and let people in, but I want to do that. I need to do that. And hopefully, this year I will find the way.
8. Do The Podcasts: I hate the way I sound on a recording. I’m not well spoken and I know it. Country-ass redneck speak mixed with a touch of Yankee and a few disconnected wires between my brain and mouth always an experience that stresses the hell out of me. But I did a few editions of the SMF Cyberspace Podcast with Brent, Eric, Uncle Jonny, Luke and the rest of the SMF Family and guess what? I actually enjoyed myself. True that I felt a little out of sorts taking with these well spoken, educated guys who all have relationships and are natural talents on the air. There’s an age difference, a bit of a culture difference and other than Brent, who I know and trust with my life – he’s a great guy who inspires and motivates me more than he’ll ever realize, I don’t really know most of the guys well and to me anyways, it shows. They work so well together and are so organized and I’m an odd fish thrown in the mix every so often. But I did enjoy my times doing it and would like to do it again if that bridge hasn’t been burned too badly. Hopefully, I can pull it together and the “country cousin of SMF” can come home for a visit or two.
7. Be Consistent: There was a time that I wrote something every single day and hell, sometimes two or three pieces a day. And now, I try to be semi-regular when doing things for the site, but between a full time job, my part time volunteer job and other aspects of my life, my chances to relax and just cut loose are limited. I hope to improve on that and try to write and post something every day here at the site. It may not always be the best in the world, but it’s the best I have at the time and hopefully, I can be entertaining, enlightening and a good read for everyone who stumbles across the site and in this direction. All I can do is try and so I shall.
6. A New Site: I’ll be honest that right now, my site here is a bit of a mess. It’s sometimes wrestling, sometimes music, sometimes politics and sometimes a “Days of Dougie” which literally can be about anything and everything. Nothing is off limits here and whatever crosses my mind, that’s what we do. But I’d like to eventually do a sister site that is all about the wrestling. Keep it simple and focused on one thing and one thing only. And then I could have other writers join me and make it a group site. I don’t think many of my friends want to write for a site named after me. This site is my own baby and is my own personal sandbox as it should be. But a group site where I could share the spotlight, argue opinions and give others a format to express their views and cut loose a little bit, that is something I’m very interested in. And it shall happen. It’s just a matter of when.
5. Sing: Okay, admission time here. I love to sing. True, my voice sounds like two cats mating while being dipped in a pot of boiling acid, but that doesn’t matter. There are a few songs that I don’t totally suck on and there was a time, believe it or not, that I actually had a semi-decent voice. I sang in the choir at middle-school and even did a few solo things and hell, when I was young, in shape and drinking quite often, before my social anxiety and shy nature kicked in, that I did karaoke with a friend of mine. Willie & Waylon songs, along with Conway, and we had it going on. And hopefully sometime before the year is over, which gives me 364 days to procrastinate and build up the courage, I’ll post a video of me singing something. Or maybe I can pull a Milli Vanilli and just do that lip syncing thing. That reminds me – did Mariah Carey perform last night for the New Year’s events on TV? I’ll have to look it up and find out, but enough of her (please, no more). I will entertain you. You have been warned.
4. Find Love: For this one, I guess I need to stop playing around on MeetMe and Grindr and actually start going out into the real world and meeting people. Hell, I probably already have met the right one, the man of my dreams, but ignored them, didn’t return a text or direct message, or made a smart-ass remark that scared them off. Trusting people is hard,but if I ever want to quit being alone and actually have someone there for me and not because they want something, it’s something I need to learn to do. Social sites are great for one night stands and hook-ups, but not much else. I realize that if you’re actively out there looking for “love”, odds are you’ll never find it. Love has to come to you and if it’s destined to be, then it’ll happen. It can’t be forced. But it can be blocked and pushed away and that’s been my thing for far too long. I can’t make it happen, but I can quit making sure it doesn’t.
3. Feed The Ducks: One of the most enjoyable things I used to do regularly with my bro and his mini-me was go down to St. Andrews University and feed the geese and ducks bread. They would gather around us, almost circling us, and we would toss them bread. I know that it’s said that feeding the ducks bread isn’t good for them and I don’t know if that’s true or not, but they seemed to like it and would even do tricks, taking the bread from our hands and playing catch. It was relaxing, simple and fun. I should start doing it again from time to time. And I will.
2. Quit Biting My Tongue: I know that this one may surprise you, but I’m actually very quiet and reserved in real life. Here at the site, it’s anything goes and the censor between my brain and the keyboard of this computer is generally out to lunch. But I often hold my tongue in conversation and keep my thoughts and opinions to myself. I know that if I say what’s on my mind, especially in dealing with the public, it’s either going to hurt feelings or piss someone off and to be honest, I don’t feel like hearing the crap so I just grit my teeth and say nothing instead. And this is a necessary skill to have and often useful. But it sucks too. If a smart-ass comment comes to mind, why not say it? If a person is being dumb, let them know. Maybe not all the time, but more often than not, it’d probably be better for all in the long run. I find as I get older, I really don’t give too much of a damn what people think so why bother being politically correct and polite all the time? If the person deserves respect and has it from me, I might be careful with what I say and the words I use, but if they’re an idiot or rude or just down right pissing me off, it’s no more Mr. Nice Guy and no more holding back. ‘Nuff said!
1. Be Happy: I’m not a happy person. I have moments of contentment and there are times that I enjoy myself or others, but the big picture of things is that for when push comes to shove, I’m not happy. I haven’t been in a long time. It seems as if I’m just doing for others all the time and who is looking out for me? I want to laugh. I want to smile. I want to be there with others because I want to be there and not because I feel guilty or obligated or don’t want to hurt their feelings. I want to be able to share and relax and chase dreams and be content instead of worrying about today, tomorrow and yesterday. I want to be honest and real and be able to show the parts of me that are kept buried and hidden away without fear of judgement or scorn. I want to be me and not the depressed, anxious, always on the edge and ready to snap me, but a kinder, softer, relaxed soul instead. I want to shed the baggage of the past and move on to embrace the here and now, as well as the future. I don’t want to be alone anymore. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I want to make it a new beginning and a fresh start. I want to love and be loved. I want to be me.
And there you go. It got way more deep and serious than I originally intended, but that’s the chance I take when I start to write. From the heart and soul and whatever comes out, so be it. Don’t worry though. I have a lot of things I’d like to do differently in the future, but I also know that change takes time and life is but a show and we all play a part. I’m learning my role as I go along and these things, some may happen and others, maybe not. It’s good to have goals though and my main goal is to just do the best I can at whatever I do and where I’m flawed and lacking, work on it and try to find that place in life where I need to be.
Thanks for reading. Comments, thoughts and any questions are always welcome. With that, I’m ending this and heading out. Work calls as always and also the bird feeders need some seed. Take care, stay safe and Happy New Year. I loves you Peeps.