Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions By Casper IV
June 11, 2020
DougMaynard.com

One of the more interesting people that I follow on Twitter is a man named Tyler (The Ghost) Casper. (@tyler_casper) Check him out and give the man some love and a follow. Now, what was I saying? Oh yeah, he asks a lot of questions. And the regular readers of this site know how I am about questions, right? So I went down his Twitter feed and copied several of the most recently asked questions. And now, for your reading pleasure, it’s time to provide a few answers. So are you ready? Let’s do this…

Do you have a doorbell or a knocker?

If anyone bothers to knock, it’s either at the window (late night mistake fixing to happen) or the old fashioned way, knuckles against the wooden door. Most use the doorbell, which gets stuck, doesn’t ring, and just creates a weird buzzing noise throughout the house.

When was the last time you pulled a muscle?

I have so many aches and pains going on in this body, I could pull several muscles and probably wouldn’t notice. Just another body-part falling apart. I have no idea.

Do you have a stamp collection?

No, I can’t say that I do.

If you eat Spam, how do you like to eat it?

Either sliced up and fried in a skillet as a side dish for my eggs or else sliced and, after rinsing off that nasty slime, slapped between two pieces of plain white bread.

What topic most likely causes arguments with your spouse or boyfriend/girlfriend?

For me, it’s my lack of communication and refusal to open up, let them in, and non-committal attitude. Yes, I’m an asshole and I know it.

Do you have a coin collection?

While I do have a small jar of foreign money that I’ve acquired over the past forty-plus years, I wouldn’t call it a collection. I did collect silver certificates and silver dollars at one point, but a lying piece of crap that I was stupidly in-love with took care of those for me with his thieving ass.

What is your favorite meat?

Dare I say it? Your boyfriend. He’s got that good meat lol. Your ex-hubby isn’t that bad either, but that boy of yours, he has the meat, but no skills or talent with it (yet). Have him call me in five years.

What is the craziest news headline you’ve ever read?

I used to read the Weekly World News so I’ve seen many a crazy headline. Probably something about the Alien & Elvis spotted at the White House… in 2008.

Do you have a favorite foreign film?

It’s not my favorite, but it’s a fascinating movie and hard to not watch. It’s a film full of graphic scenes showing the very worst of humanity and yet I find it’s allure hard to resist. It’s totally in Italian and I had to watch with subtitles or just guess as to what they were saying. Its official title is Salo’, or 120 Days of Sodom.

What did you want to be when you grew up?

A weatherman, a writer, or a professional wrestler. So now, I write about professional wrestling while bitching about the weather. Yay for me.

Do you have a favorite month?

October. It’s starting to get cool, the nights are longer, and we have Halloween.

Have you ever played computer games?

I have a few times, but to be honest, I’m not a video game type of guy. The last time I played was WWE 2K17 against my incredibly awesome nephew and he would regularly kick my ass. That was cool, but I have many other things to do instead of playing games. I would love to own an old-school Ms. Pac Man machine and an Addams Family Values pinball machine though. I would play the hell out of them if I did.

Do you have a favorite pastry?

Not particularly. I like pop-tarts and maybe a cinnamon bun every so often, but I’m not big on the bread-orientated sweet stuff.

What is your favorite breakfast sandwich?

A steak biscuit courtesy of the drive-thru window at Bojangles.

What is the most annoying thing someone can do when you’re out eating dinner?

Talk to me. No, that’s it. I’m eating and my mouth can only do one thing at a time (unless you’re a cute guy). If I’m eating, I don’t want to talk at the same time. I’m a fat man and I like food. Leave me be.

Do you think some bugs are afraid of heights?

I an honestly say here that I don’t know, nor do I care. They’re bugs and call me insectphobic if you will. I don’t freakin’ care so long as they leave me alone.

What is the most annoying thing someone can do while you’re on the phone?

Talk to me and make me be on the phone. I hate talking on the phone. I hate phone calls. I hate the sound of a phone ringing and I hate having to answer with that fake cheery “Hello!” when inside, I’m thinking, “Why the fuck are you calling me? Don’t you know how to text?”. Phones are a necessary evil and I get that, but unless there is no other alternative, I try to avoid them as much as possible.

What is the most annoying thing someone can do when you’re watching a movie?

Talk. Do you see a pattern developing here. If I’m watching a movie, I want to pay attention to the movie and follow the story, not hold a conversation about something I don’t care about or having to stop to explain a situation or character to someone who’s not paying attention, to begin with. I prefer to watch movies alone unless they’re porno or it’s my second or third time watching. If it’s the first time, please just shut up!

What is the most annoying thing someone can do when you’re talking to them?

Talk back. That prolongs the conversation and I’m forced to make small talk and have a discussion. No one wants that, especially me.

What is your favorite ice cream brand?

Blue Bunny is good, but I’m not too particular. I like ice cream, preferably Neopolitan or Orange Sherbert, but I won’t turn down any. Ice cream is yummy stuff.

And there you go. Are you still here? My thanks for reading. Any comments, thoughts, or questions, drop me a line in the comment section, at my e-mail of Doug28352@yahoo.com, or on Twitter at @Doug28352. Follow me. And go follow Casper too. He’s a cool dude. And with that, I’m out of here. Take care, stay safe, and never apologize for who you are. Be strong and real! Until the next time, I’ll see you on the flip side.

Ubuntu!