Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day Of Dougie
Ignition Locks, Candy Canes & Attics
July 27, 2020
Welcome to Monday. All together now. “BLEH!” Where the hell did the weekend go? *sighs* But on the good side of things, it’s time to get random and do something I haven’t done in a while. Smile? Get laid? Form a Conga line? Go to Vegas? Well, so far as those options go, I do sometimes although it’s usually more of a smirk or sneers, I did a few days ago, can’t do it due to the pandemic and social distancing, and maybe one day. Instead, I’m going to pull out the old “Magic Bag”, draw out a couple of topics, and just go for it. It’s an epic classic, aka “The Day of Dougie”. Or it might suck, but we’ll just have to find out together.
For those of you not in the know, the “Magic Bag” is an old Crown Royal bag that holds lots and lots of pieces of paper. And on each piece of paper, and there are well over a thousand of them, is a word or phrase. Nothing more and nothing less. And what I do is simple. I reach into the bag, draw out two or three of these pieces of paper, and that’s what I write about. No chance to prepare. It’s just here’s the topic and let’s go. And I write. Sometimes, it’s rather predictable and boring, but at other times, it can be a surprise and entertaining. I never know where it’s going to go and you get to come along for the ride, uncensored and unfiltered. Just pure, raw Dougie.
And now that you know what it’s all about, it’s time to quit the chit chat and see what lies in the Magic Bag. Are you ready? Let’s do this. Today’s topics are Ignition Locks, Candy Canes, and The Attic. And I’m already at a blank. This one should be a doozy. And away we go.
Ignition locks are the devices placed on your vehicle by the state when you have had your driver’s license revoked at some point and attempt to get them back. It’s a device that is attached to your car’s ignition and that you have to blow into to check your blood-alcohol content before it will allow you to start the car. You blow, start the car, blow again in roughly five or so minutes to keep the car going, and then it’s random blowing as you continue to drive. Sounds like my love life more than a punishment. It’s a pain in the ass to be sure. Damn, now it really sounds like my love life, or at least what it used to be. I need a regular guy in my life. Oy vey!
“And how do I know all of this?”, you ask. Well, I had one on my Blazer for three years. It’s a pain and expensive and required me to have to drive to Pinehurst once a month to have my machine calibrated and all of the information stored and sent to the DMV for potential snitching. But I aced it and go through the system and now, I am fully licensed and all legal. It’s kind of scam too or at least was for a while. North Carolina, for the longest time, only allowed one company, Monitech, to monopolize the business in this state and one of the principal owners of Monitech just happened to be the State Senate Majority Leader at the time, Tony Rand. A Democrat of course. But other companies sued and broke the hold and got into North Carolina. And it’s still a pain to deal with, but better than not being able to drive. Let’s move on.
They come in all colors and are part of the Christmas decorative tradition. Some people like them, but I’m not crazy about them. Too much mint and peppermint for my tastes in one sitting. Actually, I take that back. There are some candy canes that I like. At the store where I work, we get big plastic candy canes each year around the holidays. And each one usually contains four or five shot-sized bottles of liquor. We usually get Pinnacle Vodka or Jim Beam, but last year, we had Fireball Whiskey candy canes, and those sold very well. I don’t know what we’ll be getting in this year, but whatever it is, I’m sure that they’ll sell equally as well. It’s the perfect stocking stuffer. When in doubt, money or liquor always makes the perfect gift. So regular candy canes that look all pretty and hang on a tree, I’ll pass. But plastic ones full of mini-me bottles of booze, sign me up.
The dark and spooky rooms at the top of the house used for storage and unwanted grandchildren that must be kept hidden from the rest of the world. Remember the book, “Flowers In The Attic” by V.C. Andrews? It was a movie too and it was awesome. And whatever I was going to say next, I’ve forgotten. My Mom, and I love her to death, just started talking about something and conversing with me about something I have no idea about and it just totally disrupted my train of thought. Well, at least she never tried to lock me in the attic when I was a kid. I’m sure that she probably thought about it a time or two, but she never did. This reminds me of something though. When we were kids, my friends and I used to go climb into the attic here at my house and hang out sometimes. I don’t know why we were doing that. We just sat up there and talked and hung out. That ended when someone accidentally stepped through the floor and put a hole into the hall ceiling. No more attic gatherings for us.
And I guess this is as good a place to end as anywhere. My thanks for reading. Any comments, thoughts, questions, stories about ignition locks, candy canes, attics, or anything else to share, please feel free and drop me a line here at the site in the comment box, on Facebook, at my e-mail of Doug28352@yahoo.com, or on Twitter at @Doug28352. Until the next time, take care of yourself and stay safe from all the crazies out there in this mad, mad, mad world. And always try to make every day a good one, a great one, a fun one, a Day of Dougie. See you on the flip side.