Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions By Casper XXIIII
Bad Poets Edition
August 1, 2020
One of the more interesting people that I follow on Twitter is a man named Tyler (The Ghost) Casper. (@tyler_casper) Check him out and give the man some love and a follow. Now, what was I saying? Oh yeah, he asks a lot of questions. And the regular readers of this site know how I am about questions, right? So I went down his Twitter feed and copied several of the most recently asked questions. And now, for your reading pleasure, it’s time to provide a few answers. So are you ready? Let’s do this…
This is the “Bad Poets” edition where every answer will be in rhyme.
What is your favorite way to have potatoes prepared?
I like fries and I like chips, I like leather, bondage and whips. I like them boiled and I like them mashed. But baked are the way they’re least likely to be trashed.
What is the weirdest thing you’ve ever eaten?
Strange are some things that I’ve put in my mouth, some are good and others make me want to call Ralph. I can’t think of anything so I’ll tell you later. Oh wait, I remember, it was alligator.
Do you like sushi?
Don’t you hem and don’t you haw
I like my fish cooked
I won’t eat it raw.
Do you like Cocktail shrimp?
That description, it just makes me laugh
cock, tails and shrimp, it reminds me of my past
and a guy I know, Danny is his name
Caused lots of pleasure, but also lots of pain
As for the food, what can I say
it’s offered, I pass, every single day.
What is your favorite finger food?
Fries and chips, burgers and dogs
bacon and fruit, I like Lincoln Logs
What is the best thing to eat with my hands
Give me some good cookies and I’ll always be your friend
Do you count on your fingers?
Some days are hell and others are heaven
I count to ten with my hands
and take my pants off for eleven.
Do you talk while moving your hands?
As my mouth runs
and the verbiage comes forth and spills
I note that my hands
always stay still
What restaurant do you think should have delivery?
My answer will vary
depending upon my mood
but I would love to have
some delivered Chinese food.
What is your go-to sauce for dipping chicken nuggets/strips?
BBQ sauce is all well and fine
but ketchup for almost anything
is simply divine.
Have you ever been skinny dipping?
Jumping in the water, while exposing my rump
It’s not skinny-dipping
It’s called dunk a chunk.
Have you ever gotten locked in an outhouse?
An outhouse I will not use
there are spiders in there
If I have to pee
I stand out in the open air.
Have you ever fallen into a toilet?
In the darkness of the night
my ass got all wet
the seat was still up
much to my regret.
Are you a crafty person?
That is a question for others
not for me to decide
but the Beastie Boys were thinking Dougie
when that song, they did write.
Have you ever run into a door before?
In the wall and into the door
always late at night
when the eyes are closed
I’m still asleep
and the structure evaded my sight.
Do you go out of your way to help people?
People suck and this is true
but if I can help someone
that’s what I try to do.
What is your favorite cold treat?
I scream you scream
we all scream for ice cream
Who’s name(s) would you expect to see on the Epstein Flight Logs to Lolita Island?
The names have been released
and there are few surprises
Clinton is the top name
He can run but he just can’t hide
What is the most you’d pay for a cup of coffee?
For myself, this answer is easy
I don’t drink coffee so having to pay would be pretty sleazy.
Have you ever slept in your vehicle?
When I didn’t have a home
and when I was drunk
my car was my shelter
my seat was my bunk
Have you ever used a dowsing?
I’m not sure what that is
and I don’t want to look it up
so I would assume not
hey baby, whassup?
Did you ever listen to stories on the radio?
On the radio, not so much
I’m not really that old
But on YouTube and CD
I’ve listened to the tales being told.
What chess piece do you like yourself to?
I don’t play chess
My nephew is named Shawn
Probably with all things considered
I’d just be a pawn.
What do you think is the dirtiest job?
Some might say janitor
some might say whore
I’ll say having to clean the bathrooms
while working in a convenient store.
What is the most frightening weather you’ve ever had to drive through?
I’ve driven through hurricanes
I’ve driven through storms
I’ve driven through wind
and bad weather galore
but the one that frightens me
it isn’t very nice
is when the temperature drops
and the road is covered with ice.
What is the most uncomfortable situation you’ve ever found yourself in with your in-laws?
I have no in-laws
for the world to see
so this here question
doesn’t apply to me
How high do pants have to be, to be considered high waters?
High waters is a term I haven’t heard since school
It was nerdy then
and it still isn’t cool
I guess the standard is kind of Quirkle
Too high is when you dress like Steve Urkel.
How low do shorts have to be, not to be considered short shorts?
Fingertip length is what I would go with
but I really can’t judge
so long as the cheeks are covered
and cover that butt
Do you have a star named after you?
In all of space
both far and near
this is not a star I know of
whose name I do share.
Have you ever named a star after someone?
Darth Vader had a lightsaber
it really did glow
but to answer your question
I must say no.
Have you ever tried a DIY teeth whitening kit?
I tried, but I didn’t like all the effort
the taste or what I had to do
so I’ll just stick with brushing often
look, my toothpaste is blue.
What is the dumbest question you’ve ever answered?
No question is dumb
okay, a few of them are
but to pick just one
is really going too far.
And that’s the end of this edition.
My thanks for the read.
For future column ideas,
I believe we’ve planted a seed
so let me know what you think
via comment, mail or Twitter
I want to hear from you
I promise not to be bitter
So with this rhyme
this comes to an end
take care of yourself
much love I do send.
And I’ll see you next time.
You’ll always be my boo!
Just remember dear readers,
I will always love you.