A Day Of Dougie: Punchy McDumb-Ass…

Tossing Salt Presents:
A Day Of Dougie
Punchy McDumb-Ass
October 5, 2020

We had an interesting encounter of the most moronic kind a few days ago at the work-place. Okay, the encounter wasn’t moronic, but the person involved most definitely was. I probably shouldn’t even be speaking of this, but no one reads this blog anyhow so what the hell. It’s too good to not talk about it. So sit back and get ready for story time in an episode I’ll call Punchy McDumb-Ass. Let’s do this.

This was Friday afternoon and we’re at the store, selling fine spirits as always and we had a couple come into the store. Well, it was a man and a woman. She (the girl) made sure to point it out and explain later that they were NOT together in a relationship. The reasons why will be obvious as we go along. So they come into the store. She is wearing a face mask. He is not. Just a quick note here. With the current pandemic crisis, the Governor of North Carolina has issued an Executive Order that a face mask must be worn inside all government buildings. We’re owned and managed by the County so we fall under that edict, thus a face mask is required if you come into our store. Yes, I think it’s a pain in the ass and stupid too, but it’s the law and we’re required to enforce it. Now, where was I?

So they come into the store. She has a mask on. He doesn’t. I say to them as they enter, “Sir, you need to be wearing a mask!”. He glared, but then pulled his shirt up to cover his mouth and nose. That’s fine with me and I didn’t say anything else. It’s technically in compliance and not worth arguing about. But he is talking junk, loudly to his friend about “this store” and then just muttering under his breath. He went to my co-worker’s register with his friend to pay for his purchases and this is where it gets exciting. My co-worker rang up his purchases and told him that, “Just for the record, you’ll need to wear a mask next time you come into this store.” And the guy said something that I couldn’t quite hear or make out and it was on. My co-worker pulled the items off the counter, said “Wrong answer!” and refused to make the sale.

The guy then started yelling and screaming about what a “dick” my fellow employee was and started complaining to his friend that he had problems in this store before when we said something to him about a cell phone. (Another note here: Posted at each register is a sign that says, “Please do not talk or text on your cell phone in the register area! Thank you!”. And if you’re on the phone when you come to the register, we’ll ask you to put your party on hold until we complete your transaction.) So he was screaming and cussing at my co-worker and just getting louder and louder and being an absolute little bitch having a meltdown. My co-worker told him to leave and his friend was just freaking out. She didn’t know what to say. He’s storming towards the do. He is yelling more and more about what a dick and asshole my associate was and I quickly handed my partner the phone so he could call the police.

As the guy finally went out the door, he punched the window to the building. And it busted. His hand went straight through the glass. This is tempered, reinforced glass and the force of his punch of anger shattered the window. He went to his car, holding his hand which he had obviously injured, the girl jumped in with him and they tried to drive off. My co-worker was on the phone with the police as this was happening and giving a description of them and their car while I went out and got their tag number. They drove off.

Two minutes later, they came back and the guy wanted to apologize and pay for the window. We told him to wait outside and barely twenty-five seconds later, the place was surrounded by police officers. They talked to the man and when our manager came back from lunch, talked to him as well to see what do to rectify the situation.

The guy kept offering and wanting to pay for the window so that’s what they did. Our manager called Allstate Glass and they were there in a matter of moments to inspect the damage and replace the window. It was a large window and made of tempered glass so you can imagine what the cost of repairs might be. It wasn’t cheap.

Here’s a fun part about all of this. While the guy was outside talking to the police and they were getting all of his information, his friend (not his girlfriend) came into the store and asked if she could buy the liquor that they had originally come to purchase. That was a big “No!” from all of us. One of the officers asked her if that was her boyfriend and she was so quick to respond, “Hell no!”, that is was amazing to behold. “Just a friend!”, she quickly explained. I think she needs to pick better friends.

And let me finish this up by telling you about how the matter was finally resolved. This guy got a citation for damage to property. He’s barred from the store and will be charged with trespassing if he ever comes back. He ended up paying, on the spot, over a grand to the glass company for getting our window repaired. He’s a college student and you know that he will probably now have to explain what happened to his money to his parents. You also have to know that his friend (not his girlfriend) is going to tell everyone of their friends and acquaintances about what happened and he’ll never be able to live it down. And he still never got any liquor. You have to know he feels like an idiot.

Yes, all of this just because he didn’t want to wear a face mask (and was a total prick about it). And for us? Just another day at the office. I’m really getting too old for this shit! So there you go. Any comments, thoughts, or questions, feel free to drop me a line. Use the comment box below or by e-mail of Doug28352@yahoo.com.

And with that, I bid you farewell. Just remember, wear that mask, don’t be a dumb-ass, and don’t hit any windows. Did I mention he totally messed his hand up? Well, now I have. What a dumb-ass. Have a great one and be safe out there. Stay away from the crazies.


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