October 7, 2020
It’s nearly 1:00 am and I should be in bed. The morning will be here far too soon for my liking and the promise of a long-ass day lies ahead. But guess what? My friend, Cheese, sent me some questions and not just random, ordinary questions, but some silly stuff instead. So what is a man to do, but do a quick rundown and answer the damn things. So are you ready? Let’s do this.
Name a truck, a duck, and a buck.
A truck would be my 1996 Ford Ranger that I drive each and every day. A duck would be Quacky Joe, a feisty old mallard that lives at St. Andrews. As for a buck, how about Bambi’s father?
Name a pool, a rule, and a fool.
A pool? Hayes Barton Pool in Raleigh, NC, where I spent many a weekend as a small child. I’m not even sure if it’s still there. A rule would be to wear face masks while inside the Scotland County ABC store. It’s posted and everything. And a fool? Given the past few nights and the person I’ve been talking to, probably me.
Name a disease, a cheese, and a tease.
A disease would be Corona Virus, aka The Chinese Virus. If only more people drank American beer, this never would have happened. A type of cheese would be the shredded white goodness that goes on top of a pizza. And a tease is every single guy that comes into the store from St. Andrews, with their tight shorts, big smiles, and knowing that they’re too young and tearing this old man’s nerves up. Oy vey!
Name a mouse, a house, and a louse.
A mouse would be Mickey, a house would be the White House, where Donald Trump will be living until January 20, 2025, and a louse? I’ll go with Chuck Schumer, the dipshit Senator from New York.
Name someone named Mitch, a witch, and a bitch.
Mitch would be Mitchell Young, an old acquaintance from years ago who I would love to get naked with at some point if possible. Yeah, I said it. A witch would be Endora from the TV series “Bewitched!”. And a bitch? Should I go with Nancy or Kamala? I’ll go with Kamala “Heels Up” Harris. She truly fits the description.
Name something hairy, a fairy, and someone named Larry.
For hairy, I’ll pick Chewbacca from the Star Wars movies. A fairy? How about the Tooth Fairy? And someone named Larry? Larry Fine of Three Stooges fame.
Name a Brandy, a candy, and someone named Andy.
A brandy that sells well, but I don’t like is Christian Brothers. I just don’t have a taste for that particular type of alcoholic beverage. For candy, I’ll go with Baby Snickers. And if the name Andy comes up, you have to be talking about Andy Taylor, Sheriff of Mayberry, NC.
Name a place, a famous face, and someone named Grace.
A place? How about Wal-Mart? A famous face? James Dean would qualify since everyone knows that iconic movie legend. As for someone named Grace, I was originally going to go with Grace Adler of the “Will & Grace” television series, but she’s proven to be a brain-dead liberal leftie on Twitter so she’s not all that to me anymore. I still like the series, but it should be Will & Karen & Jack and that other no-chested crack ho’. I’ll go with the legendary Princess Grace (Grace Kelly) of Monaco.
Name a wife, a life, and a knife.
A wife would be Wilma Flintstone. Life would be what you’re sentenced to serve in prison if you’re a serial killer and get caught. And a knife? How about the classic “switch-blade” variety. Always a favorite at parties.
Name a power, a tower, and something in the shower.
A power? How about telepathy? A tower? Avengers Tower from the MCU movies. And something in the shower? Me, roughly thirty minutes ago.
A skunk, a Monk, and a drunk.
And for the last question, a skunk would definitely be Pepe Le’ Pew. A Monk? How about St. Christopher, he of the medallion to keep us safe fame? And a drunk? My first thought was Nancy Pelosi, but she’s just a brain-addled bitch who likes vodka, a lot. I’ll stick with the Andy/Mayberry theme and go with Otis Cambell, a true legend of partaking of the fine spirits.
And there you go. Any comments, thoughts, or questions about anything at all, just give me a shout and we’ll talk. Have a great one and take care of yourself. Stay safe and away from the crazies (unless they’re cute). I’ll see you on the flip side.