Questions By Casper #50…

Tossing Salt Presents:
Questions By Casper #50
October 13, 2020
DougMaynard.com

Over in the world of Twitter, I found a man that likes to ask questions. And I do mean a lot of them. His name is Tyler “The Ghost” Casper and he’s at @tyler_casper. A good guy that you should go check out. Now, as I was saying, he likes to ask questions. I like to answer them and it provides content for the site. So here we are. Every few days, I go down his feed and copy the inquiries he’s asked. And then it’s here for the answers. It’s insightful, thought-provoking, and hopefully entertaining for you, the reader, as well. So let’s can the chit chat and let’s do this. Are you ready? And away we go…

Do you have a backup generator?

Nope. We’re old school here. We have flashlights, candles, a few weapons of different types, and lots of matches. We do have access to a generator if needed, but it’s not here at the house.

What is the best household chore to do?

Washing clothes or cooking are okay. They don’t bother me too much.

What is the worst household chore to do?

I don’t really mind most housework if I can be left alone in peace while I’m doing it. That means no one hovering over my shoulder, offering to “help”, and constantly talking. I just like to crank up the music loudly and get busy. But I guess, if I have to pick one, cleaning bathrooms does suck!

What household appliance has the biggest impact on your day to day life?

The fridge. It keeps stuff cold and fresh longer.

What was the last show you binge-watched?

Honestly, the X-Men: Evolution cartoons. I was in the mood for something different and I’ve always been a comics guy so I decided to head over to Disney-Plus and have a few hours of X-Man love.

If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

I’m sure it does.

If a bear shits in the woods, does anyone care?

Probably the bear, especially if it was a good shit.

Have you ever purposely shrunk clothes?

I’m fat – I don’t shrink clothes on purpose. It just sort of happens that way.

What is your brand of toilet paper to buy?

I usually let my Mom make that decision, but I think Angel Soft or Cottonelle would be the brands we use most often here at the house.

What is the best ply of toilet paper?

I like it thick and soft, to give my fat ass the maximum loving care it deserves.

Who would you want to play you, in a story about your life?

I would want Johnny Depp or Rob Lowe to play me, but honestly, it would more likely be Jack Black, given my looks and personality.

If you could know exactly when, where, and how you were going to die, would you want to know?

No, I would not.

If you were given the opportunity to know your future, would you want to?

I don’t think so. If I knew, I’d probably try and change things and everything would be a mess. Better to not know and just go with the flow.

Who would you want to narrate your life?

It would have to be Samuel L. Jackson. My life requires many “mother-fuckers” to make the story complete.

Have you ever had a situation where somebody detained you and said, “Ok, let’s see some id?”

Yes.

What is the most boring book you’ve ever read?

Probably a book for school. I can’t remember specifically.

What is the most exciting book you’ve ever read?

Hell, almost any kind of autobiography or book about political figures excites me. Most exciting? I’ll go with Joan Rivers, “The Life & Hard Times Of Heidi Abromowitz”. She was a bad girl!

Have you ever had ham in a can?

Yes, I have had ham in a can. It’s cheap, affordable, available at the Dollar General, and tastes good. What more can a person want?

Have you ever had canned turkey?

Again, the answer is yes, but it’s not as good as the ham.

Do you have a traditional Thanksgiving meal?

If I’m the one cooking, we go all out and it’s very traditional, with a few extra perks thrown in for good measure. I like to cook and experiment.

Do you have a favorite pie?

Is this a Rock question? I like pecan pie.

Have you ever paid money for information?

Not that I can remember, but most likely we all have at some time and point in our life. Everything has a price.

Have you ever looked for love online?

Yeah, but usually all I get is sex. I’ve met some good guys though so no complaints.

Do you ever run background checks on people?

I check out their Facebook page, Whitepages information, Twitter, and criminal records. Other than that, I’m pretty much playing it by ear and a trusting soul.

How well do you research an area before moving to it?

I don’t. Every move so far has been because of someone else’s decision (parents) or work (Wilmington). I just wing it and learn as I go.

What is the best way to get on your good side?

Nudity and sex. Or just be honest and yourself. Either way works.

What is the quickest way to get on your bad side?

Lie. I hate a fucking liar.

Did you ever want to be a groupie?

I’m not the groupie type. I’m more of an obsessed stalker watching from the darkness type of person.

Have you ever run a background check on yourself?

I have. It was a fascinating read.

Do you say Fall or Autumn?

Definitely fall. Autumn is something that rich and snooty people say lol.

What is your favorite Fall activity?

Bonfires, drinking with friends, walking in the cold night around the block a few times, drinking with friends, car-sex, and watching movies.

Have you ever been hit with a Wiffle ball bat?

Do I look like a Beastie Boy groupie to you? While I did, many times, fight for my right to party, being assaulted by a Wiffle Ball bat is not anything that I have ever had to happen to me. It does sound kind of kinky though. Hmmmm…

Do you think if you “Spare the rod, you spoil the child”?

Ass-whooping teach respect and manners. Too many kids didn’t get spankings and instead were “talked to” and it shows.

Do you know anyone who is a compulsive flosser?

Not that I’m aware of.

What era was the best for music?

Probably the ’80s.

What era was the best for fashion?

I’ll go with the ’90s on that one.

What era was the worst for music?

Everything since 2000. It’s all auto-tuned and bad rap now. Where’s the originality and creativity? Where’s the emotion and insight? Songwriters and singers who actually can write songs and sing are a rare and dying breed and I blame hip-hop and rap. It’s Kanye’s fault!

Do you judge people based on their physical attributes?

When I was younger, of course, I did. But as I’ve gotten older, I look at the total package and not just the cover. No one is perfect and the cover is just that, a cover. What matters is the person inside.

And there you go. My thanks for reading and to Casper for the great questions. We’ve been doing this for fifty editions now and I may or may not continue, but even if there is never another “Questions By Casper”, it’s been a blast. Until the next time, take care of yourself and watch out for the crazies out there, or as we call them around here, Biden Supporters and Democrats. I’ll see you on the flip side. Take care.

Ubuntu!

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