Dear Dougie: Relationship Advice Questions (Part 1)

Tossing Salt Presents:
Dear Dougie
Relationship Advice Questions
November 1, 2020
DougMaynard.com

Remember Dear Abby and Ann Landers? Back in the day, these two ladies would offer advice and answer letters written by troubled souls. Sadly, both women have passed on to the great beyond, and while their columns continue, with others who have taken up the roles and duties, it’s just not the same. There’s a void that needs to be filled and guess what? I think I’ll take the challenge and do it. In truth, I’m probably the last person who should be advising anyone, especially when my life is such a train-wreck at times, but why let logic, facts, or common sense get in the way. I like answering questions and being helpful and this is just another way to do that, taking it to the next level.

The following questions (and this whole idea) came from watching a video on YouTube, (where else?) where a man named MikeMGTV and his friends took turns answering questions and giving advice about relationships. And if they can do it, all I can say is hold my beer. Let’s give this a try. And here you go. Since I’m writing out my answers instead of doing a video, this will be broken up into two parts, one being posted today and the other soon. And if this helps someone in the process, even better. So thanks to MikeMGTV for the idea and the questions. If I do well, maybe my loyal readers who are troubled (and if you read my stuff every day, you probably are… lol), can start sending in questions and asking for advice as well. Maybe we can make this a regular thing. We’ll see how it goes. So now, let’s get ready and do this, the debut edition of “Dear Dougie!”. And away we go.

I’ve been single for five years and I’m about to go on a date with a new person. I’m so nervous. What should I do?

Just relax and be yourself. You’ve already taken the biggest step by agreeing to go out with someone and they are probably just as nervous too. Just keep it real and have fun and if it’s meant to be, things will go well and one date will quickly turn into many more. Just keep a positive attitude, don’t stress the what-if’s unless they happen, and have a great date.

How does someone build up enough confidence to feel good about themselves?

Baby steps. Try to focus on what makes you happy and what you’re good at. Start with that and keep your eyes on the prize and the positive instead of the negative. Ask questions and learn where your strong points lie and build on them. Start small and work onwards and upwards with each minor success giving you the confidence to move forward and get better. Have faith in yourself ad you’ll find the path you need to be on to be strong and confident when it matters most. Believe that!

All of my friends are in relationships and I can’t stop comparing myself to them. Please help.

This is one I can easily relate to since all of my friends are dating or married (sometimes both) and I’m just working, being alone, and can’t seem to make any relationship work for me. If it wasn’t for social media and hook-up sites, I’d never be with anyone. You can’t compare yourself to the others though because quite simply, you’re not them. We’re all unique and different and what is best for someone else or works for someone else doesn’t necessarily mean it’s what will work for you. There are many great things about being in a relationship and having someone there at your side, but there are many pluses to being single as well. You don’t have to answer or explain to anyone why you do what you do. If you have trust issues, as I do, you don’t have to second-guess or justify your actions and what their reactions might be and why. But the bottom line is that not everyone is meant to be in a relationship. When it’s time to happen and that right person shows up, it’ll happen. If it’s meant to be, it will be. And until then, embrace the single life. Go out with many people. Pick your own movies to watch. Wat what you want for dinner and stay up or sleep as long as you want. Don’t worry about what the others are or are not doing. They might be looking at you and wishing they were single too. Just embrace what you have and don’t stress the rest.

I recently got ghosted. Should I just give up on dating?

Everyone has been ghosted at least once and it’s not a big deal. That one was a chicken-shit for not showing up. No big loss. The next one might be awesome though and if you give up and don’t take the chance, you’ll never know. Don’t worry about Ghost-Boy. He’s the one who’s losing out. Keep on dating and keep on having fun until you find that right one. You can’t do that by staying home all alone with your cat. Think about it.

I fall in love with losers that I know won’t love me, but always get destroyed when I find out. Why?

Because you have low self-esteem and don’t think you’re worthy of anyone who is actually worth a damn. The losers are easy and convenient and to deal with them, you don’t have to really do anything, but be there and deal with their BS. Up your standards and go for the good people, the ones who make an effort, present a challenge, and you might consider out of your league. Those are the ones worth having. The others, while they are convenient and easy, are not really worth it in the big picture of things. They don’t have goals or motivation and instead of trying to get ahead, they pull you down to their level to make themselves feel better. They’re using you for their own needs and wants, not for yours. If they don’t care about themselves, why should you? You need to worry about yourself first and what’s best for you and more often than not, these losers are not it. It all has to do with self-esteem and being true to yourself. Work on yourself and if it’s not good for you and doesn’t make things better in your life, you don’t need it. These guys, they don’t and you don’t. Believe that!

And I guess that’s enough for now. I have many more questions from the MikeMGTV video and I’ll do that later tonight and probably post it tomorrow. My thanks for reading. If you have any kind of questions or situations and you’d like to see what kind of advice I can give if any, feel free to give me a shout, and let’s see if we can keep the “Dear Dougie” thing rolling along. Use my e-mail address of Doug28352@yahoo.com and put “Dear Dougie” in the subject line. I guess I’m through here. Have a great day and take care of yourself. I’ll see you on the flip side. Bye.

Ubuntu!

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